the Alpha John

Twatter

2009-03-24T17:51:00.000-04:00

@twitter =p

I Made the Amazon EC2 Cloud Rain

2009-01-26T17:08:00.006-05:00

Sometimes, elastic ain't so elastic.

I got (2) $50 AMEX Gift Cards for my Birthday, which are like feces that can only be exchanged for exactly ${FECES} worth of merchandise (not one dollar more!).

Sure enough, I decide to buy a couple games for my PS3, because it's lonely and nothing I want costs ~$50.00.

I have a credit on my Amazon account for $119.45 (two Christmas returns and three gift certs). After carefully reading Amazon's allowable methods of payment:

Which cards can you use on Amazon.com? We accept the following cards as payment for your orders:

* Visa (including the Amazon.com Visa Card)
* MasterCard/EuroCard
* Discover Network
* American Express
* Diner's Club (U.S. billing addresses only)
* JCB
* Visa or MasterCard check cards or ATM cards
* Visa, MasterCard, or American Express gift cards
* Amazon Credit Account

You can use debit, check, and gift cards issued by the companies above in addition to their standard credit cards. For example, if you're paying with a Visa Check Card please select Visa from the drop-down menu on the order form when indicating the card type. Similarly, if you're paying with a EuroCard or MasterMoney Card, select MasterCard.

If you are using a Visa, MasterCard, or American Express gift card, please note the following restrictions:

* Pre-paid gift cards can't be combined with credit cards on a single order.
* Pre-paid gift cards can't be used to sign up for Amazon Prime membership.
* Amex Gift Cards can't be used to purchase Amazon.com gift cards.

It says I can use an AMEX Gift Card (PayPal says no, but they lie), it says I cannot tender a second credit card with a pre-paid gift card, and I cannot use an AMEX Gift card to buy an Amazon.com gift card.

Knowing the rules, I try to buy a $59.99 game with a $50.00 gift card, assuming the $9.99 can come off the $119.45 Amazon owes me (!). Sure enough, it tries to put the whole amount on the card and closes out the transaction. Five minutes later, I get the "Your Order Has Blown Up" email. I try to explain to Customer Service three times by email (with my good friends Pranvi, Rhett, and Ooshmani) that I read and followed the rules and the payment system exploded. Frustrated, I used the "Call Me now" option, and Caucasian Brian from Seattle called me back.

Over the next 28 minutes, I discovered:

There is a bug in the system that Amazon's Customer Service Folk used, that does not show them the proper gift card balance (my $119.45 showed as $0)

My CS rep was very knowledgeable, but I taught him that you can't use Amex GCs to buy Amazon.com GCs (when he recommended that could fix this situation

Amazon employees cannot, in fact, fix this on their side. They have an extra option on their screen (gift cards), but that doesn't work either. I know this b/c I bought a $15.00 gc while we were on the phone, he tried to apply it, and it wouldn't work. I was able to add it to my account, bringing me up to $134.45

Though the pimply douche who makes $7.00/hr at Best Buy can tender two credit cards, the Internet(s) have no such capability. As I told Caucasian Brian: I've only been an Amazon customer since 1999, why should they enhance their checkout process? It's only been 10 years -- they'll catch up to cash registers eventually.

In the end, the only way to fix this was to reduce the price until it went through.

I think bug-finding and brow-beating a human-Amazon-employee were far more rewarding that the $10 off my video game. I did fill out a survey and gave him excellent marks, but only because he laughed at my jokes.

Old

2009-01-25T08:59:00.001-05:00

thirty candles.

Trannies Done-Throwed Down

2009-01-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Mmmm hrmm...and how.

Now that gas is cheap (again), we wish it was even cheaper

2009-01-12T16:18:00.005-05:00

Commentary: Americans sure do love them a discount (and how).

I was having my car inspected at a Shell station on Saturday, and I noticed the Shell Saver Card. It links your checking account to a card (more like a gift card than a credit card) to allow direct debit at the pump. If you sign up now, you save $0.05/gallon until June 1st, and $0.02/gallon thereafter.

I was reminded of this again today when I saw a story on Consumerist about something similar in the lone star state. I read the story, dismissed it, and returned to work for about 5 minutes before I lost control of the voices. They said:

Right now, you use your American Express Blue Cash to get 1% back on gas (and groceries) for the first $6500/year, and 5% back for the rest of the year after you cross $6500. Is this a better deal?!?! Are you leaving precious pennies on the table?

I mean, fuck, how do I get any work done? Even my god-damned voices have OCD.

Thankfully, I kept the spreadsheet I made last month to calculate my energy expenditures so I could hedge my estimated energy costs for 2009. For the closest comparison, I found where I hit $6500 on my AMEX (sometime in March), so I figured out 1.0% rewards on Dec-Mar, then 5% back on Apr-Nov. Then I divided the US average against what I spent to estimate gallons of gas bought, and multiplied it by (average price minus $0.05 for Dec-Jun and $0.02 for Jun-Dec). My math is a little b0rked, but here's what I got:

AMEX 1% - $4.78
AMEX 5% - $118.90
Total - $123.68

Shell $0.05 - $19.77
Shell $0.02 - $9.13
Total - $28.90

Caveats: 1) per-gallon discount is immediate, AMEX rewards is annual. 2) Rewards is likely overstated; as gas was expensive, my rewards were equally inflated 3) I would have to always go to a Shell to get these rewards, with my AMEX I can butter any gas station's bread as I see fit 4) Since I backed into the consumption numbers using the national average for that week, who the hell knows.

That's right, I did the math so you don't have to.

Had this program existed last year (when gas was hellua expensive), and I chose the Shell foolishness instead of using my AMEX Blue Cash, I would have lost out on almost $100 in rewards. I'm going to stick to my Blue Cash.

Voices satisfied, back to work.

Anderson Cooper hosts CNN's "Puppy Debate"

2009-01-08T11:09:00.000-05:00

Aww...I want an Anderson Cooper...

New Office

2009-01-07T17:48:00.001-05:00

I've had an office since 2000, and I haven't shared an office since 2001. I thought it would be an adjustment, but it wasn't at all. As it turns out, what's on my desk mattered more to me that where I sit. Since I'm a contractor here, I was free to buy my own keyboard, monitor, and bring my laptop to work (for the record: latop to work +5, child to work -5).

I've been in a cube since I started working here last November. At that time, all the feds all got offices and the contractors got cubes. Six months later, half the offices were empty and all the cubes were full, so they decided contractors can share an office.

Someone who worked in the office will be remote for at least the next six months, so his office opened up. My boss suggested I should move in, so I did.

I had more room to spread out in my cube, but here I can pretend I moved from suburbia to a high-rise Tokyo. My two external hard drives (USB 2.0 and Firewire 400), laptop and speakers, french press and electric tea kettle, and panda-slave are tucked in the cabinet over the desk. I've run the cable for the monitor up, and the USB connection for the wireless keyboard down through the conduit in the corner (gray triangle).

Fine use of space if you ask me.

26-NOV-2009

2008-12-19T14:48:00.001-05:00

After three extensions, and what I imagine was two weeks of running at risk, my executed contract extension came back today. It looks like I'm employed until next Thanksgiving.

Hedging the Cost of Energy

2008-12-11T14:35:00.004-05:00

What an exciting year for energy! If you were an investing genius like me, you bought high and sold low. All is not lost, however, because my investments in energy were (mostly) just a hedge, so they did exactly what they were supposed to do.

For example: my electric bill is about $100 per month, so in January I purchased $1200.00 in Dominion directly through Dominion DRIPS. Today, my stock is worth $1,020.98 (though I have more shares because of dividend payments). Even though the value of my stock went down, my energy costs went down, which should offset the loss. I'll be investing another $1200.00 next month.

Maybe you don't pay an electric bill, but you do put gas in your car. I decided to look at my last year of spending on gas, lined up against the average price of a gallon of gas in the US:

I spent an average of $119.02 every two weeks, or $2,856.42 for the year. This number is slightly inflated if you consider that I pay for gas with my American Express Blue Cash card, which rewards me 1.0% on gas for the first $6,500.00 per year I charge on the card, and 5% on gas after I pass the $6,500.00 mark. As of October's statement (11 months), I had earned $247.54 on $6,249.73 spending (including Gas,Grocery, & Drugstore).

So what does all this mean? If I spend roughly $3,000.00 a year on gas, I should be hedging that amount in an equivalent energy hedge. That way, if the price of gas goes up, the value of my hedge goes up as well. If it goes down, even though the value of my hedge is reduced, so is the amount I spend on gas. This way, I'm don't get it coming and going when commodity prices fluctuate (which they are expected to through 2010 as we ease out of the current recession).

Now, where do you park your money? You could buy stock in Exxon-Mobile (a company forged in the fires of hell from pure evil), Shell, Chevon, BP, or any other company with a big stake in US retail gas sales. You could invest directly in oil through an exchange traded fund (ETF) like USO. You could invest in the broader energy market through an ETF like Vanguard's Energy ETF.

However you decide to hedge, it's something you should put on your list of New Year's resolutions.

Training

2008-12-05T16:11:00.004-05:00

Next Mon/Tue and the following Mon/Tue/Wed, I'll be in iPhone SDK development training. By Christmas, I will have built my social networking War on Christmas app, putting that fat bitch Santa-Jesus on the unemployment rolls.

Cranky Friday

2008-12-05T11:09:00.003-05:00

My cell phone has rung off the hook today.

I did something to hurt my lower back.

I had an incredibly annoying conference call this morning.

The only thing that will turn my day around is the french press I just made myself.

gforge hero

2008-11-14T18:49:00.003-05:00

We use gforge for our software projects: tracking bugs and feature requests, storing documentation, and a bunch of other silly shit. Gforge is, in my opinion, somewhere between Jira (high end) and Bugzilla (low end) in the usability spectrum for this type of software. Likewise, beef bullion is somewhere between prime rib and feces in my choices for dinner tonight.

On November 6th, like a good project manager, I was cleaning up the enhancement tracker by removing choices from drop downs that aren't valid anymore (we renamed our 2.0.3 release 2.1, so 2.0.4 will now become 2.2), and accidentally deleted the entire enhancement request tracker. The error message doesn't tell you what you're doing (the cranky gforge admin didn't even blame me or say I fucked up), and I'm the fourth person to do this in as many years.

Our RFE tracker is 300+ items, collected over 4+ years, and includes notes, history, status, and all kinds of other information. This was a huge deal. Our system team, unwilling to restore a backup (which would punish everyone by obliterating their work for that day), restored a backup to our QA instance and told me to retype everything from there. I asked for access to the database and said I'd write the fix myself. I'm sure they were like 'whatever...project manager'.

My solution: archive tables and triggers on the 13 tables that hold tracker information (which I reverse engineered though my local backup/restore). Not only could I recover my shit this way, but the next fuckup won't be typing for days for a bad keystroke.

Unlike me -- who has used Oracle, SQL Server, Sybase, DB2, Informix, and MySQL -- gforge uses postgres. That meant I had to teach myself how to code for postgres (which, being based on Ingres, is 80% Oracle and 20% schizophrenic milk man). I could write 5 pages of the sillyness that is postgres (look: I'm Ada-like, but everything is a function, and triggers can't contain the trigger code, they must call a function that returns type trigger). Criminy.

I finally had a good backup and local copy of the db 11-NOV, had the archive table and trigger code written and debugged 12-NOV, and finished all the functions to restore and test by 13-NOV. I tested everything today, and all my codes without a single correction (and my test cases are tight as hell).

Now we just need to "delete" the data from QA, backup/restore the archive tables to production, and use my code to turn hamburger back into cow. I'm no expect, but I think I win.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 1.) deleted_artifact_history
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_history;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_history(
like artifact_history
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_history OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_history TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_history ADD PRIMARY KEY (id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_history
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_history()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_history SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_history on artifact_history
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_history ON artifact_history;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_history
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_history
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_history();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 2.) deleted_artifact_file
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_file;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_file(
like artifact_file
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_file OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_file TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_file ADD PRIMARY KEY (id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_file
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_file()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_file SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_file on artifact_file
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_file ON artifact_file;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_file
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_file
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_file();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 3.) deleted_artifact_group_list
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_group_list;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_group_list(
like artifact_group_list
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_group_list OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_group_list TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_group_list ADD PRIMARY KEY (group_artifact_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_group_list
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_group_list()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_group_list SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_group_list on artifact_group_list
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_group_list ON artifact_group_list;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_group_list
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_group_list
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_group_list();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 4.) deleted_artifact_extra_field_data
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_data;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_data(
like artifact_extra_field_data
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_data OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_data TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_data ADD PRIMARY KEY (data_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_data
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_data()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_extra_field_data SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_extra_field_data on artifact_extra_field_data
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_extra_field_data ON artifact_extra_field_data;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_extra_field_data
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_extra_field_data
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_data();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 5.) deleted_artifact_extra_field_list
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_list;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_list(
like artifact_extra_field_list
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_list OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_list TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_extra_field_list ADD PRIMARY KEY (extra_field_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_list
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_list()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_extra_field_list SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_extra_field_list on artifact_extra_field_list
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_extra_field_list ON artifact_extra_field_list;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_extra_field_list
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_extra_field_list
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_extra_field_list();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 6.) deleted_artifact_perm
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_perm;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_perm(
like artifact_perm
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_perm OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_perm TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_perm ADD PRIMARY KEY (id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_perm
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_perm()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_perm SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_perm on artifact_perm
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_perm ON artifact_perm;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_perm
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_perm
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_perm();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 7.) deleted_artifact_type_monitor
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_type_monitor;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_type_monitor(
like artifact_type_monitor
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_type_monitor OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_type_monitor TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_type_monitor ADD PRIMARY KEY (group_artifact_id,user_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_type_monitor()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_type_monitor SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_type_monitor on artifact_type_monitor
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_type_monitor ON artifact_type_monitor;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_type_monitor
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_type_monitor
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_type_monitor();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 8.) deleted_artifact_query
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_query;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_query(
like artifact_query
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_query OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_query TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_query ADD PRIMARY KEY (artifact_query_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_query
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_query()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_query SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_query on artifact_query
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_query ON artifact_query;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_query
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_query
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_query();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 9.) deleted_artifact_query_fields
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_query_fields;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_query_fields(
like artifact_query_fields
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_query_fields OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_query_fields TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_query_fields ADD PRIMARY KEY (artifact_query_id, query_field_type, query_field_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_query_fields
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_query_fields()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_query_fields SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_query_fields on artifact_query_fields
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_query_fields ON artifact_query_fields;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_query_fields
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_query_fields
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_query_fields();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 10.) deleted_artifact_monitor
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_monitor;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_monitor(
like artifact_monitor
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_monitor OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_monitor TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_monitor ADD PRIMARY KEY (artifact_id, user_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_monitor
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_monitor()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_monitor SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_monitor on artifact_monitor
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_monitor ON artifact_monitor;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_monitor
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_monitor
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_monitor();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 11.) deleted_artifact_message
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_message;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_message(
like artifact_message
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_message OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_message TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_message ADD PRIMARY KEY (id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_message
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_message()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_message SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_message on artifact_message
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_message ON artifact_message;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_message
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_message
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_message();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 12.) deleted_artifact_counts_agg
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact_counts_agg;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact_counts_agg(
like artifact_counts_agg
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_counts_agg OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact_counts_agg TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact_counts_agg ADD PRIMARY KEY (group_artifact_id);

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact_counts_agg
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact_counts_agg()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact_counts_agg SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_counts_agg on artifact_counts_agg
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_counts_agg ON artifact_counts_agg;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_counts_agg
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact_counts_agg
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact_counts_agg();
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Table: 13.) deleted_artifact
-----------------------------------------------------------------
--DROP TABLE deleted_artifact;
CREATE TABLE deleted_artifact(
like artifact
)
WITH OIDS;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact OWNER TO postgres;
GRANT ALL ON TABLE deleted_artifact TO postgres;
ALTER TABLE deleted_artifact ADD PRIMARY KEY (artifact_id);

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact_update_last_modified_date on deleted_artifact
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact_update_last_modified_date ON deleted_artifact;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact_update_last_modified_date
BEFORE INSERT OR UPDATE
ON deleted_artifact
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE update_last_modified_date();

-- Function: fn_deleted_artifact
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION fn_deleted_artifact()
RETURNS trigger AS
$BODY$
BEGIN
INSERT INTO deleted_artifact SELECT OLD.*;
RETURN OLD;
END;
$BODY$
LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-- Trigger: deleted_artifact on artifact
--DROP TRIGGER deleted_artifact ON artifact;
CREATE TRIGGER deleted_artifact
BEFORE DELETE
ON artifact
FOR EACH ROW
EXECUTE PROCEDURE fn_deleted_artifact();

and..

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Test Case: I. Archive Deleted Records
-- Precondition 1) Deleted tables have 0 records
-- 2) Artifact tables have N records
-- Postcondition 1) Deleted tables have N records
-- 2) Artifact tables reduced by N records
-- Execution 1) In isolation (from SQL prompt)
-- 2) Through gforge GUI
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Test Case: II. Restore Deleted Records
-- Precondition: 1) Deleted tables have X records
-- 2) Artifact tables have Y records
-- Postcondition 1) Deleted tables have 0 records
-- 2) Artifact tables = X + Y records
-- Execution 1) In isolation (from SQL prompt)
-- 2) Through gforge GUI
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CREATE TABLE testRecordCount (
run_type varchar,
artifact integer NOT NULL,
d_artifact integer NOT NULL,
a_history integer NOT NULL,
d_a_history integer NOT NULL,
a_file integer NOT NULL,
d_a_file integer NOT NULL,
a_extra_field_data integer NOT NULL,
d_a_extra_field_data integer NOT NULL,
a_group_list integer NOT NULL,
d_a_group_list integer NOT NULL,
a_perm integer NOT NULL,
d_a_perm integer NOT NULL,
a_type_monitor integer NOT NULL,
d_a_type_monitor integer NOT NULL,
a_query integer NOT NULL,
d_a_query integer NOT NULL,
a_query_fields integer NOT NULL,
d_a_query_fields integer NOT NULL,
a_monitor integer NOT NULL,
d_a_monitor integer NOT NULL,
a_message integer NOT NULL,
d_a_message integer NOT NULL,
a_counts_agg integer NOT NULL,
d_a_counts_agg integer NOT NULL,
run_date date NOT NULL DEFAULT now()
);

CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION populateTestRecordCount (notes varchar, tracker_id int)
RETURNS VOID AS $$
DECLARE
v_artifact int;
v_d_artifact int;
v_a_history int;
v_d_a_history int;
v_a_file int;
v_d_a_file int;
v_a_extra_field_data int;
v_d_a_extra_field_data int;
v_a_group_list int;
v_d_a_group_list int;
v_a_perm int;
v_d_a_perm int;
v_a_type_monitor int;
v_d_a_type_monitor int;
v_a_query int;
v_d_a_query int;
v_a_query_fields int;
v_d_a_query_fields int;
v_a_monitor int;
v_d_a_monitor int;
v_a_message int;
v_d_a_message int;
v_a_counts_agg int;
v_d_a_counts_agg int;
BEGIN
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Artifact Tables
-----------------------------------------------------------------
select into v_artifact count(*) from artifact; --where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_a_history count(*) from artifact_history;
--where artifact_id in (select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id);
select into v_a_file count(*) from artifact_file;
--where artifact_id in (select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id);
select into v_a_extra_field_data count(*) from artifact_extra_field_data;
--where artifact_id in (select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id);
select into v_a_group_list count(*) from artifact_group_list; --where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_a_perm count(*) from artifact_perm; --where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_a_type_monitor count(*) from artifact_type_monitor; --where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_a_query count(*) from artifact_query; --where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_a_query_fields count(*) from artifact_query_fields;
--where artifact_query_id in (select artifact_query_id from artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id);
select into v_a_monitor count (*) from artifact_monitor;
select into v_a_message count (*) from artifact_message;
select into v_a_counts_agg count (*) from artifact_counts_agg;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Deleted Tables
-----------------------------------------------------------------
select into v_d_artifact count(*) from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_d_a_history count(*) from deleted_artifact_history where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
select into v_d_a_file count(*) from deleted_artifact_file where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
select into v_d_a_extra_field_data count(*) from deleted_artifact_extra_field_data where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
select into v_d_a_group_list count(*) from deleted_artifact_group_list where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_d_a_perm count(*) from deleted_artifact_perm where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_d_a_type_monitor count(*) from deleted_artifact_type_monitor where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_d_a_query count(*) from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
select into v_d_a_query_fields count(*) from deleted_artifact_query_fields where artifact_query_id in (
select artifact_query_id from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
select into v_d_a_monitor count (*) from deleted_artifact_monitor;
select into v_d_a_message count (*) from deleted_artifact_message;
select into v_d_a_counts_agg count (*) from deleted_artifact_counts_agg;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Populate Test Table with Counts
-----------------------------------------------------------------
INSERT INTO testRecordCount (
run_type, artifact, d_artifact, a_history, d_a_history,
a_file, d_a_file, a_extra_field_data, d_a_extra_field_data,
a_group_list, d_a_group_list, a_perm, d_a_perm,
a_type_monitor, d_a_type_monitor, a_query, d_a_query,
a_query_fields, d_a_query_fields, a_monitor, d_a_monitor,
a_message, d_a_message, a_counts_agg, d_a_counts_agg
) VALUES (
notes, v_artifact, v_d_artifact, v_a_history, v_d_a_history,
v_a_file, v_d_a_file, v_a_extra_field_data, v_d_a_extra_field_data,
v_a_group_list, v_d_a_group_list, v_a_perm, v_d_a_perm,
v_a_type_monitor, v_d_a_type_monitor, v_a_query, v_d_a_query,
v_a_query_fields, v_d_a_query_fields, v_a_monitor, v_d_a_monitor,
v_a_message, v_d_a_message, v_a_counts_agg, v_d_a_counts_agg
);
END;
$$ LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Test Deleting Records
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION testRecordDelete (tracker_id int)
RETURNS VOID AS $$
BEGIN
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- artifact_history, file, and extra_field_data have fk's to artifact
-----------------------------------------------------------------
delete from artifact_history where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact_file where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact_extra_field_data where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact_monitor where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact_message where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- group_list, perm, type_monitor, counts_agg are straight forward
-----------------------------------------------------------------
delete from artifact_perm where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from artifact_group_list where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from artifact_type_monitor where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from artifact_counts_agg where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- query_history needs query to turn hamburger back into cow
-----------------------------------------------------------------
delete from artifact_query_fields where artifact_query_id in (
select artifact_query_id from artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
END;
$$ LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- Restore Records
-----------------------------------------------------------------
CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION RecordRestore (tracker_id int)
RETURNS VOID AS $$
BEGIN
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- artifact_group_list (disable trigger before restore)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
alter table artifact_group_list disable trigger artifactgrouplist_insert_trig;
insert into artifact_group_list select * from deleted_artifact_group_list where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
alter table artifact_group_list enable trigger artifactgrouplist_insert_trig;
delete from deleted_artifact_group_list where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- artifact_query & artifact_query_fields
-----------------------------------------------------------------
insert into artifact_query select * from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
insert into artifact_query_fields select * from deleted_artifact_query_fields where artifact_query_id in (
select artifact_query_id from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_query_fields where artifact_query_id in (
select artifact_query_id from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_query where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- artifact_perm & artifact_type_monitor
-----------------------------------------------------------------
insert into artifact_counts_agg select * from deleted_artifact_counts_agg where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
insert into artifact_perm select * from deleted_artifact_perm where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
insert into artifact_type_monitor select * from deleted_artifact_type_monitor where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from deleted_artifact_counts_agg where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from deleted_artifact_perm where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
delete from deleted_artifact_type_monitor where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-- fish desired records out of deleted_artifact, restore, clean up
-----------------------------------------------------------------
insert into artifact select * from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
insert into artifact_history select * from deleted_artifact_history where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
insert into artifact_file select * from deleted_artifact_file where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
insert into artifact_extra_field_data select * from deleted_artifact_extra_field_data where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
insert into artifact_monitor select * from deleted_artifact_monitor where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
insert into artifact_message select * from deleted_artifact_message where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_message where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_monitor where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_extra_field_data where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_file where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact_history where artifact_id in (
select artifact_id from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id
);
delete from deleted_artifact where group_artifact_id=tracker_id;
END;
$$ LANGUAGE 'plpgsql';

iPhone App: Kitten Escape

2008-11-12T15:39:00.002-05:00

It is a game that moves the block, and goes out of the kitten that has been confined. Kitten Escape is said "Daughter in the Box" of classical slide puzzle game.

Kitten reminds me of my old friend, CATS...

You have no chance to survive. Make your time. Haha!

CNN Now Projecting a Ratings Win for Themselves

2008-11-05T14:25:00.004-05:00

Had you known before the polls closed, would you have voted for a Hologram instead of a human?

Fox News probably had to execute a terrorist live to get people to turn away from this marvel. It's like the advent of the talkies, only not-so-much.

Gizmodo has a write up if you're curious how it works.

Google's 'Relief' Gadget

2008-11-05T07:31:00.000-05:00

Live here.

:p

'Democracy in Action' does not mean 'hack our listservs'

2008-11-04T10:25:00.003-05:00

A succession of three emails from the Provost of George Mason. First:

Date: Tue, 04 Nov 2008 00:41:05 -0500
From: Office of the Provost
Subject: Additional Info on Election Day
To: ANNOUNCE04-L@mail04.gmu.edu

To the Mason Community:

I hear some troubling rumors, so here are a couple of facts: 1. The election is Nov. 4, for all political parties. The notion that one party votes Nov. 5 is UNTRUE. 2. It is also UNTRUE that any student jeopardizes financial aid by voting.

Peter N. Stearns
Provost

Then:

Date: Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:16:42 -0500
From: Office of the Provost
Subject: Election Day Update
To: ANNOUNCE04-L@mail04.gmu.edu

To the Mason Community:

Please note that election day has been moved to November 5th. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you.

Peter N. Stearns
Provost

Finally:

Date: Tue, 04 Nov 2008 08:08:21 -0500
From: Office of the Provost
Subject: Urgent Voting Information
To: PROVOSTOFFICE-L@mail04.gmu.edu

Dear Colleagues,

It has come to my attention early this morning that a message was hacked into the system fraudulently stating that election day has been moved. I am sure everybody realizes this is a hoax, it is also a serious offense and we are looking into it. Please be reminded that election day is today, November 4th.

Peter N. Stearns
Provost

I spent exactly 30 seconds looking at the headers of the second message and found:

Received: from m154.prod.democracyinaction.org ([8.15.20.154])
by ironport2.gmu.edu with ESMTP; Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:16:42 -0500
Received: from [10.15.20.114] ([10.15.20.114:39637] helo=web4.mcl.wiredforchange.com)

Apparently someone at Democracy In Action in DC wants to keep our browner students away from the polls today? Don't they know Mason is a commuter school?

Google News, Finance need to stop ignoring each other

2008-10-24T13:56:00.003-04:00

I found yet another bug in Google News. To give some content, the stock market is down a shit-ton right now. I head over to GNews and see:

That the DJ closed UP 172 points? But it's the middle of the trading day, and doom is everywhere. Let's ask Google Finance:

Oh nevermind, it's DOWN 373 points!

Honest mistake for 3 year old betaware.

You piss me off real good! I no talk to you.

2008-10-17T19:41:00.001-04:00

Kristin: um, again, chick question... but are you mad at me about something? Or is the shortness cause you're wicked busy and I keep interrupting
theAlphaJohn: haha
theAlphaJohn: im on a conference call
theAlphaJohn: just working on stuff in the background
theAlphaJohn: not mad at you at all
Kristin: ok... whew
Kristin: well... I hope you come out tomorrow night
Kristin: haven't seen you in 100 years
Kristin: would be nice to shake it on the dancefloor with you
theAlphaJohn: yeah it's been a while
theAlphaJohn: are you still white?
Kristin: lmao
Kristin: as far as I know
Kristin: I'm still a chick as you can tell
theAlphaJohn: im all asian now
Kristin: really...
theAlphaJohn: i hear yellow fever is the new black
Kristin: LMAO
Kristin: alrighty!
Kristin: does that require surgery?
theAlphaJohn: not much
theAlphaJohn: it's all outpatient
Kristin: oh good...
Kristin: as long as they don't have to remove you nipples and reattach them
theAlphaJohn: then hair dye, spray on tan, and lots of anime / graphic novels (read: comic books for people with masters degrees)
Kristin: omg
theAlphaJohn: would you like me to go back to being terse?
Kristin: NO!
Kristin: that was not a complaint

McCain Hilarious at Al Smith 2008 Dinner

2008-10-17T10:46:00.007-04:00

Seriously. I was laughing my ass off in the car last night. C-SPAN has the entire dinner, McCain's speech starts at 7:10 ::

There are signs of hope, even in this room full of proud, Manhattan Democrats. I can't shake that feeling that some people in here are pulling for me. I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary. Where's Bill, by the way? Can't he take one night off from his tireless quest to make the man who defeated his wife the next President? The man is a relentless advocate for the Obama campaign, and he has a subtle approach to making the case. When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was qualified to be President, Bill Clinton pointed out, "Sure. He's over 35 years of age and a US citizen". He was pandering to the strict constructionist crowd!

The entire transcript is here.

For serious, where has this speech writer been hiding?

The Real VP Debate

2008-10-03T09:37:00.001-04:00

From Jared:

In Kung Fu Election, Michelle can battle Cindy.

Found a Bug in HSBC Online Banking

2008-10-02T15:46:00.004-04:00

I bank with Bank of America, but my savings is with Citibank because (1) better interest rate, and (2) there is a branch close to my house. With my savings, I prefer to swing by the branch and make my deposits (it's like putting money in a piggy bank...oink). With the exception of savings and my safe deposit box, I do everything else online.

In August, I opened up an HSBC credit card to pay for the deck: it's 0% interest for 12 months, so I figured I'd passively do some credit card arbitrage and make interest for a year on the balance.

Since a brand new HSBC branch opened about a mile from house this summer, and their savings rate is about a point higher than Citibank, I decided on 26-September to open an online savings account and a CD.

I actually have three (3) checking accounts at BofA, with the so-called primary account just trafficking my mortgage (money in, payments out). I indicated on the application for HSBC to fund the initial deposit from my 2nd BofA account, and to verify online (instead of a trial deposit). This lets you enter your online banking credentials so it can make sure you're who you say you are (much like Quicken or MS Money, both of which suck).

I clickity-click in my bank information, and it fails twice, then tells me it's going to go ahead and do trial deposits. Yesterday, I receive an email that my trial deposits are there, and to verify them so it can fund my new accounts.

I log in to BofA, and the trial deposits aren't in account #2, they're in account #1. It failed b/c the account I request to use in the online verification is not the primary for my online banking account.

I sent an email to HSBC this morning, but I have not received a response. I called their 800-number (which sounds to be in Bangalore), and was told I entered the wrong account number. I described what happened in exacting detail, but the rep kept arguing that I put in that account number (yes, you're right, I typed in an account number I don't know, instead of the one I use all the time). My options were to mail in a check, or have my application deleted and start over.

As you can imagine, I had the application deleted, but I won't be starting over (with them).

Yiddish with George and Laura

2008-10-01T13:16:00.000-04:00

From Andrew:

OMG...Jews!!

facebook.com/saracuda

2008-09-30T15:11:00.003-04:00

From George:

Return to London: 10/8-10/12

2008-09-25T23:04:00.004-04:00

Why?

* I haven't been since Spring of 2005.

* My favorite club, Fabric, opened a new club at the O2 arena called matter.

* Flight + hotel was cheap ($300 less on Orbitz than booking on the airline and hotel sites separately).

* A break from the political news cycle, and CSPAN overload.

* Because I can.

If my grocery list were the RNCC

2008-09-04T00:08:00.002-04:00

today after work
::applause::
Milk / butter
::applause::
Eggs
::applause::
Maverick and goose
::hoot and hollar::
Tampons (See: yay no baby)
::6 minute standing ovation::

What the fuck? I know that political conventions define glad-handing, but is this a kindergarten play?

Palin Place (or: Bristol and her boo Levi)

2008-09-02T18:44:00.004-04:00

To get in the spirit of McCain-Palin, I made a custom tee shirt help us discuss those awkward, pesky social issues:

Please, for the children, head over to Zazzle and order yourself a couple. All my profits will be donated to (Un)Planned Parenthood.

The Washington, DC Mirror Universe

2008-08-12T17:41:00.002-04:00

From the Washington Post:

Mayor Adrian M. Fenty said today that the director of the Department of Employment Services has resigned after weeks of turmoil in the city's summer jobs program, which blew its budget by more than $30 million dollars and has been plagued with organizational problems.

[...]

The inspector general initiated an audit of the program last month at the request of Council members Carol Schwartz (R-At Large) and Marion Barry (D-Ward 8). That report is not expected until September.

In the meantime, council members haven't hesitated to express their disapproval and frustration.

Barry, who started the 29-year-old program in his first year as mayor, has spoken out.

"From all accounts . . . this year is the most mismanaged programmatically and financially in the history of this program," Barry said last week.

Also in this alternate universe: Hizzoner doesn't smoke crack with hookers, he does outreach to get them to change careers.

Obama RSVPs

2008-08-12T15:42:00.001-04:00

You may recall that I invited Barack to my graduation party. His response?

Dear John,

Thank you for contacting Obama for America and for inviting Senator Barack Obama to your event. Over the course of the campaign, Barack has met with or spoken to hundreds of thousands of Americans at kitchen tables, large rallies, small town hall meetings, and other events in every part of the country. He appreciates the outpouring of support he has received at every stop.

The unprecedented level of campaign activity since early last year speaks to the strong desire of the American people to reclaim their government. We consider every invitation, and Senator Obama values your interest in his candidacy. Due to time constraints, he must decline a large majority of invitations. After careful review, we have determined that Senator Obama will not be able to participate in your event.

We hope that you stay involved and engaged with the campaign, because we need your help. As Barack has said, “if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when… we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals.”

Thank you again for your interest and your understanding, and please accept our best wishes for a successful event.

Sincerely,

Team Scheduling
Obama for America
www.barackobama.com

A Tale of two (ssh) iPhone Apps: pTerm vs Touch Term

2008-08-11T18:20:00.008-04:00

As far as I can tell, there are only (2) ssh apps for the iPhone right now: Touch Term ($2.99) and pTerm ($4.99). Since I don't know anyone who has tried either, I decided to download both and kick the tires.

Besides basic terminal support, I want an ssh client that allows you to configure ssh tunnels. Since Safari on the iPhone supports proxies, there's no reason ssh shouldn't be able to listen on a port and redirect to a remote host (-D) so I can tunnel my http traffic when I'm someplace sketchy (or someplace I don't want to be snooped, like work).

First, Touch Term:

Touch Term requires you to specify your username and password in the connect screen, which (1) makes me paranoid that my user and password are being shipped back to the author, and (2) makes you setup multiple connect profiles for multiple users on the same box.

Touch Term eats the initial ssh connect dialog, so you don't get to initially accept the host as known or not. I was not able to test with either client what happens if the host signature changes (man in the middle attack).

Touch Term also does not support ssh tunnels. It does let you hide the keyboard, and does support horizontal and vertical, but does not support multi-touch to zoom in and out.

As for pTerm:

pTerm requires you to setup a connection first, but asks for username and password at login. The initial connect dialog tells you that the host is unknown, and do you want to accept the key.

pTerm does not let you hide the keyboard: you get about 1" viewable, or 6 lines. You can use multi-touch to pinch/pull/scroll, but whatever text you have can only be viewed in that 1" area. It also supports both horizontal and vertical viewing.

pTerm does not support ssh tunnels, but I did submit a feature request. Since it's based on putty, I hope that feature can be ported pretty quickly.

Both apps have their strengths and weaknesses, but neither supports everything I'm looking for. I'll have to wait and see what the next few updates bring, or just roll my own.

iPhone 3g, new TV

2008-08-10T22:17:00.003-04:00

I became upgrade eligible on Thursday, so Saturday morning at 7:30am I lined up at the Apple store. After a minor issue removing my AT&T discount, I was able to get my 16GB Obama (as opposed to McCain) iPhone.

After I got home, I took my new TV out of the box, and hooked everything up. The new TV stand and furniture come next week. I had to run out and get an HDMI cable for the PS3, but everything is hooked up and working.

I download the iTunes remote app for my iPhone, hooked my laptop to the XBR, then used the iPhone to watch an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force I bought on the iTunes store.

As much as I love the new phone, Playstation (and thus, Blue ray) + new TV = amazing. 1080i and 120hz is spectacular.

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick: A Real Dee-troit Pimp

2008-08-08T12:44:00.004-04:00

If you have not been following the news about Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, you have been missing some shizzle.

Wikipedia has some nice background:

1) Manoogian Mansion party

Kilpatrick's first controversy started as rumors of a wild party in the fall of 2002 involving strippers at the official residence of the mayor—the city-owned Manoogian Mansion. It is alleged by former members of the mayor's Executive Protection Unit that the mayor's wife, Carlita Kilpatrick, came home unexpectedly and upon discovering Kwame with the strippers began to attack one of the women.

2) The murder of Tamara Greene

Tamara Greene was a 27-year-old exotic dancer who went by the name "Strawberry" and who claimed to have performed at the Manoogian Mansion party. While sitting in her car with her boyfriend, Greene was shot multiple times with a .40 caliber Glock handgun. Although official statement by Detroit Police Department claims that Ms. Greene was shot three times, sources from Homicide Division of DPD have claimed that she was shot 18 times.

3) Motorcycle Squad Harley Davidson

In July of 2003, WXYZTV reported that Kwame Kilpatrick was seen riding the streets of Detroit on a Harley-Davidson Electra Glide police motorcycle which was taken from the Detroit Police Motorcycle Squad by Kilpatrick. The report indicated that he at times was riding alone without security, placing himself at risk and that the cycle had been taken by the mayor for his personal use and pleasure.

4) Whistleblower trial

In 2003, a civil lawsuit was filed against Kilpatrick by his ex-bodyguard Harold Nelthrope and former Deputy Chief Police Gary Brown. The police officers claim they were fired because of an internal probe into the mayor's personal actions and that the firing was a violation of the whistleblower law.[37]

The trial began in August 2007 with Kilpatrick and his chief of staff, Christine Beatty both denying they were involved in an extramarital affair.

5) Text-messaging scandal

In January 2008, The Detroit Free Press examined and revealed the existence of more than 14,000 text messages exchanged between Kilpatrick and his chief of staff Christine Beatty on their city issued SkyTel pagers between September–October 2002 and April–May 2003. The dates are of importance because they encompass the time periods of the alleged Manoogian Mansion party and the ouster of Gary Brown respectively.[54]

The text-messages are the nucleus of an $8.4 million secret deal settlement by the city of Detroit. The attorneys for the city had tried since 2004 to keep the text messages hidden on the basis that they were personal and private communications.[54] However, a city directive re-authorized by Kilpatrick during his first term as mayor indicates that all electronic communication sent on city equipment should be "used in an honest, ethical, and legal manner" and cautions, "is not considered to be personal or private."[55] The mayor's spokesman said the policy only applies to city-owned equipment and the text-messages are exempt since they were sent on a city-leased device.[55]

Kilpatrick and Beatty, both married at the time, did discuss city business; however, many of the series of messages describe not a professional relationship but an extramarital sexual relationship between the two, often in graphic detail. The text messages further describe their use of city funds to arrange romantic getaways, their fears of being caught by the mayor's police protection unit, and evidence the pair conspired to fire Detroit Police Deputy Chief Gary Brown.

6) Criminal charges

On March 24, 2008, Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy announced a 12-count criminal indictment against Kilpatrick and former Detroit Chief of Staff Christine Beatty, charging Kilpatrick with eight felonies and Beatty with seven. Charges for both included perjury, misconduct in office and obstruction of justice. Worthy also suggested that others in the Kilpatrick administration could also be charged.

7) Red Lincoln Navigator

In 2005, WXYZ-TV reporter Steve Wilson reported that the city had entered an expensive one year lease for a luxury SUV. It was to be used to chauffeur the mayor's family. The lease was for $24,995; five dollars under the amount that would have required the approval of city council. Kilpatrick, chief of staff Christine Beatty, police chief Ella Bully-Cummings, and other members of the mayor's staff all denied that the red Lincoln Navigator was intended to be used by the mayor's wife and children. Eventually, Kilpatrick admitted the Navigator was for his family, claiming he had told the police chief that it was "too much" and to take it back.[64] Media coverage of this story was best known for a situation involving the mayor and his security team. Wilson had tracked Kilpatrick down in Washington, D.C., where he was attending a mayor's conference. When Wilson tried to question Kilpatrick about the Navigator lease, a member of the mayor's security team is seen on camera shoving Wilson against a wall.

8) Civic Fund

On May 8, 2007, WXYZ reported that Kilpatrick used $8,600 from his secret Kilpatrick Civic Fund to take his wife, three sons and babysitter on a week long vacation to a five-star California resort, the La Costa Resort and Spa.[66] The fund, controlled by Kilpatrick's sister and friends, was created to improve the city of Detroit through voter education, economic empowerment and crime prevention. Tax and accounting experts said Kilpatrick's use of the fund was a violation of IRS regulations.[67] The story was also compounded after WXYZ's cameras caught Kilpatrick in a fit of rage grabbing the microphone out of the hand of reporter Ray Sayah and throwing it hard across the room such that it hit a wall, while Sayah tried to question him about the situation.

9) Slander suit

Kilpatrick was named in a slander lawsuit along with Christine Beatty and police chief Ella Bully-Cummings. The lawsuit was brought about by two police officers that claimed to have been slandered in the media by city officials.[68]

The lawsuit stems from a 2004 incident in which the two police officers pulled over Kilpatrick's chief of staff Christine Beatty for speeding. Beatty was irate at being stopped and bluntly asked the officers, "Do you know who the fuck I am?" when the officers came to the vehicle.[68] While stopped, Beatty called Police Chief Bully-Cummings to have the officers called off, which the officers allege they were ordered to do. When reports of the incident started to surface in the media, Kilpatrick, Beatty and Bully-Cummings all claimed that the traffic stop was some type of "set-up" to harass Beatty.

10) Recall campaign

The Wayne County Election Committee approved a recall petition to remove Kilpatrick as mayor based on the multi-million dollar settlement ($9,000,000+) in a whistle-blower lawsuit against the city, and the accusation that Kilpatrick misled the City Council into approving the settlement. The recall petition was filed by Douglas Johnson, a city council candidate.[71] Kilpatrick has appealed to the commission to reconsider its decision on the grounds that Johnson is not a resident of Detroit.[72] Johnson also requested that Jennifer Granholm use her power as Governor to remove Kilpatrick from office.

On March 12, 2008, at the request of the Mayor's office, Wayne County Election Commission rescinded its earlier approval for the recall. The Mayor's office argued that there was not any evidence that the organizer, Douglas Johnson, actually resided within the city limits of Detroit. Johnson stated that his group would refile using another person whose residency would not be an issue. [73] On March 27, 2008, a second recall petition was filed against Kilpatrick by Angelo Brown. Brown stated in his filing that Kilpatrick is too preoccupied with his legal problems to be effective. Kilpatrick's spokesman James Canning again dismissed this latest recall by saying: "It’s Mr. Brown’s right to file a petition, but it’s just another effort by a political hopeful to grab headlines."[74]

On May 14 the Detroit City Council voted to request that the governor of Michigan, Jennifer Granholm, remove Kilpatrick from office.

And now, breaking news from the New York Times:

DETROIT — Mayor Kwame M. Kilpatrick, already fighting eight felony charges including perjury, was charged Friday with two felony counts of assaulting or obstructing a police officer. The officer, a sheriff’s deputy, was attempting to serve a subpoena.

Michigan’s attorney general, Mike Cox, announced the new charges one day after Mr. Kilpatrick was sent to jail for violating the terms of his bond by traveling to Canada in July on city business. Each count carries a penalty of up to two years in prison or a $2,000 fine upon a conviction.

“It’s a very straightforward, simple case,” Mr. Cox said. “I cannot recall ever seeing — let alone hearing of — a situation where a police officer trying to serve a subpoena was assaulted.”

Moments before Mr. Cox’s announcement, a circuit court judge, Thomas E. Jackson, allowed the mayor to be released from jail after posting a $50,000 cash bond. He also took away the mayor’s travel privileges and ordered him to wear a global-positioning tether.

But Mr. Kilpatrick, 38, who is in his second term as mayor, could soon be headed back to jail, as assault charges would be another bond violation.

The incident that prompted the new charges happened July 24, a day after Mr. Kilpatrick traveled across the Detroit River to Windsor, Ontario, on city business without court approval, a violation of the terms of his bond in the perjury case. That violation is what prompted Judge Ronald Giles of the 36th District Court in Detroit to have Mr. Kilpatrick sent to the county jail Thursday.

Just look at Google News to see why I'm nominating Marion Barry for Pope.

Boxing Day Premier

2008-08-07T23:49:00.000-04:00

My cousins and a couple friends attended the premier of Boxing Day at the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring, MD.

The movie was shot on a $2,000 budget, and in many parts it looked like it. It really exceeded my expectations, and I laughed all the way through.

I think they should enter it in Sundance. I don't think it would win, but I think it would do really well.

Richard Bruce Cheney, 46th (Vice) President

2008-08-06T14:03:00.004-04:00

Dick Cheney is a mysterious figure. He could just as easily be a villain who was lifted from the pages of a comic book. (Side note: how is it that both Bush and Cheney were arrested for DWI, and MADD isn't protesting in front of the White House every day?)

The Washington Post did an excellent, 4 part series on "the most influential and powerful man ever to hold the office of vice president."

A few snippets from the first part...

On his role as VP:

In his Park Avenue corner suite at Cerberus Global Investments, Dan Quayle recalled the moment he learned how much his old job had changed. Cheney had just taken the oath of office, and Quayle paid a visit to offer advice from one vice president to another.

"I said, 'Dick, you know, you're going to be doing a lot of this international traveling, you're going to be doing all this political fundraising . . . you'll be going to the funerals,' " Quayle said in an interview earlier this year. "I mean, this is what vice presidents do. I said, 'We've all done it.' "

Cheney "got that little smile," Quayle said, and replied, "I have a different understanding with the president."

"He had the understanding with President Bush that he would be -- I'm just going to use the word 'surrogate chief of staff,' " said Quayle, whose membership on the Defense Policy Board gave him regular occasion to see Cheney privately over the following four years.

Expanding the law:

In expanding presidential power, Cheney's foremost agent was David S. Addington, his formidable general counsel and legal adviser of many years. On the morning of Sept. 11, Addington was evacuated from the Eisenhower Executive Office Building next to the White House and began to make his way toward his Virginia home on foot. As he neared the Arlington Memorial Bridge, someone in the White House reached him with a message: Turn around. The vice president needs you.

Down in the bunker, according to a colleague with firsthand knowledge, Cheney and Addington began contemplating the founding question of the legal revolution to come: What extraordinary powers will the president need for his response?

Before the day ended, Cheney's lawyer joined forces with Timothy E. Flanigan, the deputy White House counsel, linked by secure video from the Situation Room. Flanigan patched in John C. Yoo at the Justice Department's fourth-floor command center. White House counsel Alberto R. Gonzales joined later.

Circumventing the process:

Three days after the Ashcroft meeting, Cheney brought the order for military commissions to Bush. No one told Bellinger, Rice or Powell, who continued to think that Prosper's working group was at the helm.

After leaving Bush's private dining room, the vice president took no chances on a last-minute objection. He sent the order on a swift path to execution that left no sign of his role. After Addington and Flanigan, the text passed to Berenson, the associate White House counsel. Cheney's link to the document broke there: Berenson was not told of its provenance.

Berenson rushed the order to deputy staff secretary Stuart W. Bowen Jr., bearing instructions to prepare it for signature immediately -- without advance distribution to the president's top advisers. Bowen objected, he told colleagues later, saying he had handled thousands of presidential documents without ever bypassing strict procedures of coordination and review. He relented, one White House official said, only after "rapid, urgent persuasion" that Bush was standing by to sign and that the order was too sensitive to delay. [Read the order]

I'm about 2/3 of the way through Scott McClellan's book, and I have the same sinking feeling about Bush that I had about Reagan: he is not evil, but he surrounded himself with evil people.

The WaPo series is a fascinating read. I highly recommend you read it all the way through.

Starbucks: Same Day Discounts for Junkies

2008-08-05T13:25:00.002-04:00

This morning, I picked up my usual iced, decaf, venti Americano (read: decaf, iced coffee) at SBUX, and they stamped my receipt and told me to come back this afternoon for a $2 iced, grande anything. Apparently, it's some new marketing campaign:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Looking to bring more value-seeking consumers through its doors for a late afternoon caffeine fix, Starbucks Corp. said it will now offer its morning customers any iced grande beverage for $2 after 2 p.m.

The price is a big cut from the normal price of most grande-sized iced drinks. A grande iced latte, for example, costs about $4. To get the discount, customers must present a receipt from their morning Starbucks (SBUX, Fortune 500) visit.

The promotion was previously only offered in Seattle, Chicago and Miami. The company said it is taking it nationwide beginning Tuesday to answer consumers' calls for more value at the chain, which has seen traffic drop as gas prices rise and consumer spending falters. It runs until Sept. 2.

"I think we've kind of hit the nail on the head," said Brad Stevens, vice president of customer relationship management. "It's easy for baristas to implement and it's easy for customers to understand."

Because a free, tall, iced coffee on Wednesdays was a veritable differential equation to solve.

Perhaps Brad is casting aspersions at the Starbucks card rewards?

Either way, I'm going to lunch now to save $0.35 on my junkie-treats.

Review: DJ AtomX Live at Palma

2008-08-03T10:40:00.005-04:00

As mentioned Friday, DJ AtomX played a set at the new Club Palma in Baltimore.

How was it? Let's ask the DJ:

My DJ Event At Palma Club In Baltimore:Music,Fights,Cops,And Corruption.+Pics.

So i DJ'ed at the new Palma nightclub here in baltimore this past saturday.The event was being put on by a friend of mine.The party was an asian party(although anyone was allowed to come)and i am to dj from 9 to 11pm.No problem.I arrive at 7:30 to check soundlevels and to see if their is any problems with the equipment or learn how to work the mixer if need be.

I arrive and they are just starting to work on the speakers,wiring then in and such.Why they didnt do this days ago is beyond me but whatever.Shoudnt take long these guys are pros right? 7:30 turns into 8:30.Then 9.Now were open.People are starting to come in.Then 9:30.Uh oh.Finally at 9:40 they figure it all out and i go on.

Now,i have been promised a 2 hour set no matter what.So i figure im playing from 9:40 to 11:40.Well one of the other promoters wants the hip hop dj to go on at 11.My friend steve tells me this and although im not happy about it,i can always leave here and go see Blank and Jones in D.C.The friends i brought all want to do this so im like screw it lets go.I tell steve if im not spinning im leaving. Were getting ready to leave....

Just one problem.The other DJ is a friend of steve and mine that steve brought in to play.He hasnt really done a show like this,hes completely nervous and he doesnt even think hes brought enough music for the event.Now I knew this would happen ahead of time(dont ask me how i just knew)so i took the liberty to bring more then enough hip hop music to give steve to give to him if this happened.I also brought him a set of headphones(once again dont ask!).

Now i really dont want to leave any of my music or equipment behind but i dont exactly want to stay either.My friends are ready to go.Am I comin? Whats the holdup?Decisions,Decisions.Well before i can make up my mind about it my friend turns to me and says:"Dude you GOTTA stay man!!I dont know what im doing just yet,and i dont think i have enough music.""You gotta stay and help me!!"

*SIGH*.I mean, i cant exactly leave after a speech like that now can i?So i tell my other friends im staying and some leave and some stay.I tell my main friend and roomie im gonna stay and help the other dj out,so lets just get drunk on the free bar tab i have till we can barely stand!So now,ive become hip hop dj AtomX.WORD.

Not that i dont like hip hop ive Dj'ed it in the past at partys as a favor to some people but i play dance music.But the crowd is getting really strong and theres 3 half naked go go girls dancing on the dj booth speakers so might as well have some fun with this!

Now Heres where staying starts to become worth it(if your in to chaotic scenes like i am)A guy steve and i know is so drunk he can barely stand.They try to get him to leave and hes not going.Security from upstairs shows up and they want to try to throw him out the old fashioned way.With brute force.

What these guys dont realize is that their only making it worse.Let asian friends throw out asian friends(and me the token white guy since i know him).Only if a brawl breaks out if when we would need these guys.Plus they are far outnumbered by about 200 asian guys who will stomp them into the ground if they touch this guy.I try to explain that well take care of it and their giving me an attitude about it,but all the while were getting him out of the club.At this point im now AtomX the bouncer.GRR.

We get him out in to the street and he starts bumping into everybody outside and almost falls into traffic.Well obviously the police are outside and they show up and call for backup.The cop is like"GET HIM OUTA HERE OR HES GOING TO JAIL"I told the officer do what they had to do because at this point he was starting to get out of control.

Just as i figure hes going to jail a car pulls up and the back door opens.We toss him in head first and slam the door and the car roars off.Problem solved.Still not a bad night.Only one little skirmish.Its now 2am.Im told to get on the mike and tell people were open till 3.Keep partyng!

All of the sudden at 230am the bouncers come downstairs and say to me "SHUT IT DOWN NOW!"SHUT IT DOWN WERE CLOSED!" And start ushering everyone out.My friend steve doesnt know whats doing on,i dont know whats going on,No one knows.We were told 3am.What gives???

Well What gave is that some retired punk from the liquor board showed up drunk and expected to get his drinks comped.When he was refused and asked to leave he demanded to see The security's staff paperwork along with other paperwork the club is supposed to have.When they refused he called the police.Apparently he was well connected with the corrupt politicians in baltimore(which is pretty much all of them) and about 10 cops showed up.This guy says"I WANT YOU OFFICERS TO GET EVRYONES NAME AND LICENSES IN THIS CLUB RIGHT NOW".Unbelievably the cops started doing it.He was in complete control.(Of course i gave them nothing.I simply walked past them and out the front door.NO INFO FOR YOU!

The guys who run this club are from D.C.And while im sure theres a whole different kind of bribing that goes on there,its nothing like the corruption levels that baltimore has.Trust me.If you dont give someone what they want here they will shut you down.And you have no say in it.

WELL! All in all it was a fun night and Palma actually is really nice inside.But i dont know how long this club will last unless they get more people to come out.They need to start promoting more in dc and the surrounding locations for sure.But they do have a nice line up of famous dj's coming so lets hope that on top of getting more patrons they grease enough palms and bribe enough losers down here to stay open!Thanks for reading.

I talked my way on 2 guests lists, so I have no complaints. Club is nice, Feelgood spun a great set.

I took this pic of Rob:

Download the preshow set he did, it was incredible.

DJ AtomX Live at Palma

2008-08-01T18:05:00.002-04:00

My buddy DJ AtomX will be spinning tomorrow night at Palma in Baltimore from 9:00pm to 11:00pm. It's an early set, but can easily be followed by a visit to Glow for Blank and Jones.

Particulars are on the EDM calendar. See you there.

It's recess, turn out the lights

2008-08-01T15:01:00.003-04:00

According to Politico, the House Democrats apparently turned off the lights and microphones on the House Republicans:

House Dems turn out the lights but GOP keeps talking

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and the Democrats adjourned the House and turned off the lights and killed the microphones, but Republicans are still on the floor talking gas prices.

Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) and other GOP leaders opposed the motion to adjourn the House, arguing that Pelosi's refusal to schedule a vote allowing offshore drilling is hurting the American economy. They have refused to leave the floor after the adjournment motion passed at 11:23 a.m. and are busy bashing Pelosi and her fellow Democrats for leaving town for the August recess.

At one point, the lights went off in the House and the microphones were turned off in the chamber, meaning Republicans were talking in the dark. But as Rep. John Shadegg (R-Ariz..) was speaking, the lights went back on, and the microphones were turned on shortly afterward.

But C-SPAN, which has no control over the cameras in the chamber, has stopped broadcasting the House floor, meaning no one is witnessing this except the assembled Republicans, their aides, and one Democrat, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), who has now left.

History will remember this act of awesomeness through iReporter Rep John Culberson (Asshat-R-TX)'s tweets and camera phone video

The Secret that Everyone Knows

2008-07-31T17:39:00.002-04:00

Since Mason is a state school, employee salaries are public record. Most people only work there a couple weeks before they find Roblink, a website run by a disgruntled former employee. Every year, he makes a state FOIA request for everyone's salary, loads them into a database, and puts a few search forms in front of them.

This year's number are posted. Jim Larranaga's move to #1 at $525,000 stood out (a deal considering he had an offer for $1 million, and President Merten told people we were going to miss him). More interesting, especially in these tough economic times, was to pull down all the full time employees and add up their salary:

$232,075,257.36

That's Mason's 2008 salaried payroll overhead.

I guess with every square inch of campus under construction, someone needs to fill up those parking lots (that are over subscribed by 130%).

What's Funnier than a Racist Presidential Candidate?

2008-07-31T14:29:00.002-04:00

Why, three racist presidential candidates and a newspaper!

According to the NY Times:

McCain Campaign Says Obama Is ‘Playing the Race Card’

Updated RACINE, Wis. – Senator John McCain’s campaign accused Barack Obama of playing “the race card’’ on Thursday, citing his remarks that Republicans would try to scare voters by pointing out he “doesn’t look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills.’’

“Barack Obama has played the race card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck,’’ Rick Davis, Mr. McCain’s campaign manager, said in a statement. “It’s divisive, negative, shameful and wrong.’’

Mr. Davis was alluding to comments that Mr. Obama made Wednesday in Missouri when he reacted to the increasingly negative tone, and negative ads that have been coming his way from the McCain campaign in recent days.

“So nobody really thinks that Bush or McCain have a real answer for the challenges we face, so what they’re going to try to do is make you scared of me,’’ Mr. Obama said Wednesday in Springfield, Mo., in remarks that he echoed throughout the day. “You know, he’s not patriotic enough. He’s got a funny name. You know, he doesn’t look like all those other Presidents on those dollar bills, you know. He’s risky. That’s essentially the argument they’re making.’’

So who made race the issue first? Certainly not the times with this progressive analogy:

The McCain campaign’s decision to make the charge now that Mr. Obama was playing the “race card” comes as it has adopted a far more aggressive, negative posture towards Mr. Obama in recent days, trying to tar him as arrogant, out of touch and unprepared for the presidency with a series of statements by Mr. McCain and a series of negative ads – some of which have been condemned as misleading.

Interesting. For more on that, let's turn to former presidential candidate (and all around friend to negroes everywhere) John Kerry:

What an interesting euphemism. Now, how to work tar baby into casual conversation myself...

EA Sports: Gunston is 18th Lamest Mascot

2008-07-30T10:54:00.001-04:00

According to an EA Sport's poll, George Mason's Mascot Gunston is 18th lamest:

Wow. Who cares?

Guest List

2008-07-29T19:39:00.005-04:00

I invited Barry Hussain Obamawitz to my graduation party:

Senator Obama is invited to join our friends and family to celebrate my college graduation, an event 12 years in the making. Senator Obama might enjoy a different perspective of urban America: a man who moved to the DC region at the age of 20 to work full time and go to school part time. Sometimes, the American dream means contracting in the Office of Administration during the Clinton Administration, and several other high tech jobs to afford a home at the top of the housing market, only to watch it lose 30% of its value in two years. Despite that, one can work full time, go to school part time, and live the American dream just outside the beltway in Tim Caine's Virginia.

Republicans (especially those indicted for accepting bribes or whom violated US civil service laws) will not be admitted.

Check out the awesome autoreply I got back:

Dear John:

Thank you so much for your invitation. Your scheduling request is now in our system and you will be contacted as soon as we know more about Barack's availability.

Please keep in mind that the scheduling team may not be able to determine his availability until 1-2 months before the date of your event. We understand the difficulties this may cause and certainly appreciate your patience.

If you need to follow-up on your invitation before you hear back from us, please call 312/819-2419. Please do not submit follow-up inquiries through the online form or via email.

Thanks again for including Barack in your plans. We'll be in touch!

Team Scheduling
Obama for America
http://www.barackobama.com

Just like you fools, if he comes, his ass needs to fill out my Google Docs RSVP form.

Lady Justice: Was Sighted and Partisan, Now Reactionary and Liberal

2008-07-29T17:55:00.007-04:00

Alaska Senator Ted "It's a series of tubes" Stevens was indicted today, so saith the filthy, liberal, New York Times:

WASHINGTON — Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, the longest-serving Republican senator in United States history and a figure of great influence in Washington as well as in his home state, has been indicted on federal charges of failing to report gifts and income.

Mr. Stevens, 84, was indicted on seven felony counts related to renovations on his home in Alaska. The charges arise from an investigation that has been under way for more than a year, in connection with the senator’s relationship with a businessman who oversaw the home-remodeling project.

They could not have indicted a better tool. Enjoy your bridge to nowhere, Teddy!

This must be DOJ's attempt to make up for yesterday's findings that they ILLEGALLY allowed politics to influence hiring decisions:

Senior aides to former Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales broke Civil Service laws by using politics to guide their hiring decisions, picking less-qualified applicants for important nonpolitical positions, slowing the hiring process at critical times and damaging the department’s credibility, an internal report concluded on Monday.

A longtime prosecutor who drew rave reviews from his supervisors was passed over for an important counterterrorism slot because his wife was active in Democratic politics, and a much-less-experienced lawyer with Republican leanings got the job, the report said.

Another prosecutor was rejected for a job in part because she was thought to be a lesbian. And a Republican lawyer received high marks at his job interview because he was found to be sufficiently conservative on the core issues of “god, guns + gays.”

Wherever Ann Coulter is right now, her cock just fell off.

I am in liberal ecstasy right now.

Last Class, Last Final

2008-07-24T08:16:00.000-04:00

My New TV

2008-07-22T19:57:00.003-04:00

Once I finally got furniture for the living room, it (the furniture) wanted more reasons for me to sit on it.

I haven't owned a game console since the original Nintendo, so I used my stimulus to buy a PS3 (and GTA IV).

The PS3 has been asking for a new tv. It says, "I know I should be happy to have a home, but this 36" Sony WEGA makes my Blu-ray player cry in shame. You don't even have HD!"

I've been shopping for a new tv for about 4 months now. I decided that I wanted the Sony 46" XBR4. The new models (XBR5 and XBR6) have started arriving, and the only difference between the old and new model at 46" is the warranty (goes from 12 to 18 months) and an additional HDMI input (2 to 3). That said, I'm willing to save $900 or so and slum it with last years model, since this is the picture that I want.

I decided not to do anything about the TV until school was over. Earlier today, I was preparing for tv shopping by scouring the internet(s) for coupons or other deals, and I saw that Best Buy had their XBR4s on unadvertised clearance. I decided to stop at BB Tysons on my way home (to meet my study group), and found out there were only 2 left in the entire district. Since BB has 0% interest for 24 months (Circuit City is 18 months and Sears is 12 months), I really wanted to get it there. I drove out to Bailey's Crossroads, where the last remaining TVs were: one was new, one was open box, both were buried back in the warehouse.

Earlier than expected, I bought my new TV. I haven't brought it home yet, or told the PS3. I need to decide on a tv stand, and I need to get an HD receiver. That said, I'm glad I don't have to worry now about it selling out.

So Close...

2008-07-22T11:40:00.003-04:00

Paper and presentation went well, now for the final.

Hi. Remember Me? I'm Your Blogger?

2008-07-17T19:03:00.004-04:00

Instead of the usual "woe is me"...

I had been extremely busy at work and at school. Last night, we submitted our group project and gave our presentation (I'm pleased with both), so the bulk of my school work is done. I'm less than a week away from graduating. Party planning and deck replacement are in progress; if you did not get an invitation, let me know.

Work has also calmed down a little, so you might actually see some blog posts from me. Who knows, I might even update my website that's been "under construction" for 18 months.

wh00t!!!

iPhone 3g - The Lost Commercial

2008-07-15T19:01:00.000-04:00

Kudos to Barry for finding this:

Dueling Pandas

2008-07-01T19:59:00.003-04:00

Rob emails this:

Mary replies with this:

>_<

caGrid Portal 2.0.2 Released

2008-06-30T22:02:00.002-04:00

Date: Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:04:28 -0400
Subject: caGrid Portal 2.0.2 Released

On behalf of the caGrid Portal team, I am pleased to announce the release of caGrid Portal version 2.0.2. Enhancements in this release are focused primarily on using the caGrid semantic infrastructure to perform service discoveries and data access from multiple services.

Some of the new functionality includes:
* New query builder interface, with support for distributed caGrid Query Language (DCQL) [RFE 14931]
* Services can now be discovered using EVS concept codes [RFE 14932]
* caBIG(TM) Tools, maintained by NCI CBIIT, are now displayed within the portal [RFE 14930]
* Services that no longer advertise to the index service are removed from portal [RFE 13232]

We invite you to view these exciting enhancements at: http://cagrid-portal.nci.nih.gov

A complete list of new features, remediated defects, and known issues can be found in the release notes:
https://gforge.nci.nih.gov/frs/shownotes.php?release_id=2452

For your reference, several documentation guides were updated for this release:

Administrator Guide: https://gforge.nci.nih.gov/frs/download.php/4239/caGrid_Portal_2.0.2_AdminstratorsGuide.pdf
Installation Guide: https://gforge.nci.nih.gov/frs/download.php/4240/caGrid-Portal_2.0.2_InstallationGuide.pdf
User Guide: https://gforge.nci.nih.gov/frs/download.php/4241/caGrid-Portal_2.0.2_UsersGuide.pdf

Those wishing to deploy their own caGrid Portal can download the distribution here:
Source Code: https://gforge.nci.nih.gov/frs/download.php/4201/cagrid-portal-2.0.2.zip

Additional caGrid Portal information can be found on the caGrid wiki: http://www.cagrid.org/mwiki/index.php?title=Portal:Portal

Thank you for your interest in caGrid!

I'm Voting Republican

2008-06-19T19:53:00.001-04:00

Watch the video to see why.

Thanks to Mike for passing this on.

Princess Lampshade

2008-06-19T14:05:00.000-04:00

Football's puppy Maggie got her na-na removed:

Aww...I wish I could wear a lampshade.

Firefox 3

2008-06-18T15:31:00.002-04:00

The new version of Firefox was released today, and I already found a bug. Please take a moment to login to Mozilla's Bugzilla (or create an account) and vote for it to be fixed.

My three-day streak of technology destruction continues.

Software Update -> Sad Mac

2008-06-17T22:32:00.000-04:00

I couldn't understand why software update kept trying to download EFI Firmware 1.51 for the past three months:

MacBook Pro EFI Firmware Update 1.5.1
This update fixes several issues to improve the stability of MacBook Pro computers.

After the firmware is successfully applied to your Mac, your Boot ROM Version will be: 
MBP21.00A5.B08 or MBP31.0070.B07

You can confirm the version of the Boot ROM installed on your computer using System Profiler.

Whatever the fuck that means. It turns out I never followed the post install steps.

Sick of being nagged, I followed the post-install step (hold power button until loud beep), and promptly turned my $2300 MacBook Pro into a brick.

There is a technote on restoring your firmware, which includes the greatest kabuki dance of all time:

Restoring firmware with a Firmware Restoration CD

To restore your computer's firmware, you must first create a CD using the disk image named "FirmwareRestorationCD.dmg" by following these steps:
1. Open Disk Utility (located at /Applications/Utilities).
2. Click the Burn icon or select the "Burn…" menu item from the Images menu.
3. Navigate to where FirmwareRestorationCD.dmg is located, and click the Burn button.
4. Insert a blank recordable CD.
5. Click the Burn button to create the Firmware Restoration CD. The files are burned to the disc.

Next, use the Firmware Restoration CD to restore your Firmware:
6. Make sure that the computer you are trying to restore is plugged into an AC outlet.
7. Turn on the computer and continue holding the Power button. The sleep LED will blink rapidly, then slowly, then rapidly (3 quick blinks, 3 slow blinks, 3 quick blinks).

On Macs that don't have a sleep LED, tones are used instead. Hold down the power button until you hear 3 long tones, then 3 short tones, then 3 long tones.

On Macs that use a tray-load optical drive, the tray will open to allow the Restoration CD to be inserted.

8. Insert the Firmware Restoration CD while the lights are blinking or tones sounding, then release the Power button. A long tone is played once the recovery process has started.
A progress bar appears beneath an Apple logo on a gray screen. The progress bar indicates the firmware is being updated. Do not disconnect power, shut down, or restart the computer during the update or you will need to start the restoration process again beginning with step 6.

The computer will restart automatically after the firmware is updated.

Three fast, three slow, three fast...doh! Still busted.

A trip to the Apple Store later, my Genius tells me the logic board needs to be replaced (a.k.a. no laptop until Friday). Having killed two consumer electronics in two days, I wasn't sure what to do without a computer for three days.

So after much consternation, opinion shopping my friends and family, and a trip to Microcenter, I went back to the Apple Store and bought a Mac mini (which is like a laptop, only without a screen or battery or keyboard). My educational discount saved me a big $20, and I upgraded the ram to 2GB with the leftovers from my MacBook Pro.

Let's see what I break tomorrow.

Your call cannot be completed as dialed

2008-06-16T14:42:00.003-04:00

35 days ago, my Sony w810i jumped in a puddle. In the smoothest insurance claim in the history of cell phones, I received a new Sony w580i as a replacement just two days later.

The phone worked flawlessly for 33 days, then froze today while I was writing a text message.

So I will be leaving work early today to go to the mysterious AT&T depot, where it will either be replaced by a working w580i, or Foldger's crystals.

Starscape 2008

2008-06-08T12:15:00.006-04:00

Another year, another awesome Starscape. But what did you miss by not attending?

Photos by High-Rezolution

Well, as I summarized in an email to the Mini-football (a.k.a. Charlie, George's brother):

The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Douche:

Candy Kids:

Rave Creature:

Electronic Musician BT:

Disco Mom:

Tanning Whore:

And Most Important: Sweaty Mess (me) and his sidekick, Corey:

Previous: Starscape 2006

Google Reader Trends

2008-06-06T16:34:00.004-04:00

I haven't done Google Reader trends in a while [1] | [2]

From your 57 subscriptions, over the last 30 days you read 896 items, starred 1 items, shared 69 items, and emailed 4 items.

When did I have time to even skim 900 posts in 30 days?

Why I Read People So Well

2008-05-30T22:56:00.004-04:00

I used to browse through Usenet posting and read this kind of nonsense:

I hope someone can help me. I hope I'm not the only one who has to do something like this. I don't want to go and I'm sure someone understands this fear. My family still tries to demands that I am the skeleton in the closet and they are presently trying to control an uncontrollable individual only since Nov. 15, 2002. They forced me to sign for them to be guardians over me but since June 2004 I took them to court and proved I'm not the names they call me in public. I've worked through the anger and retailation into loving myself and them too, but I have to keep my distance or they start again. They are demanding I come because it is for the family. I have made a "family" out of nonrelatives that allow me to be me and that where I want to be, yet I can't take anymore abuse from them. What do I do? If I go how do I escape if it gets too much?

Wow...that's a supersized crazy, and I ordered a small.

New Car Itch

2008-05-30T12:27:00.003-04:00

No idea why, but I have had new car itch for the past couple days. It would make sense if I was dreaming of something sexy, but I'm looking at gas sipping commuter cars?!

I finally took a few minutes to work up a spreadsheet, to see if changing cars came close to paying for itself:

I own my 2002 Accord free and clear; while it gets a disappointing 23-25 MPG, it's an improvement over the WRX (which only got about 18 MPG and required 91+ octane).

It would be nice to drive in HOV during rush hour, but new hybrids aren't elgible.

A tax credit for buying a hybrid would be nice, but they've all been used up.

:/

I guess I'll save my $$$ and buy a Porsche or something.

Software Update

2008-05-28T19:05:00.002-04:00

I downloaded the new Mac OS update today. Let's see how my MBP feels about it.

General

* Fixes a font issue that could result in Helvetica Narrow being used in applications instead of Helvetica.
* Addresses an issue with stuttering video and audio playback in certain USB devices.
* Resolves stability issues with Word of the Day, iTunes Artwork, and Slideshow screen savers.
* Fixes an issue in which certain attached hard drives may not show up in the Finder.
* Addresses an issue with .Mac syncing of Dashboard widgets over multiple Macs that use different screen resolutions.
* Includes additional RAW image support for several cameras.
* Improves the accuracy of the Software Update progress bar indicator.
* Addresses an issue in which Finder may not be available if the computer name is blank in Sharing preferences.
* Improves Active Directory binding and login.
* Eliminates a delay when logging in as an Active Directory user in a .local domain.
* Improves Spotlight searches on a AFP file server volumes.
* Clients can now change their password at the login window when bound to a Mac OS X 10.4 Open Directory server.
* Improves Safari reliability when connecting to the Internet through a Microsoft ISA proxy.

AirPort

* Improves 802.1X behavior and reliability.
* Improves reliability when using Time Capsule.

Spaces

* Resolves an issue in which switching to a different space and returning back to the original space may reorder the application windows with a different active window.
* Resolves an issue in which activating an application from the Dock switches to a different space, even if there is a window for that application in the current space.
* Fixes an issue in which Command-Tab may incorrectly switch to a new space.
* Addresses reliability issues with Spaces when syncing preferences over .Mac.

Time Machine

* Includes fixes for Time Machine compatibility with Time Capsule.
* Resolves certain issues when backing up a portable Mac that is on battery power.
* Addresses compatibility issues with Aperture 2.
* Addresses reliability issues when performing a full restore from a Time Machine backup.
* Fixes an issue in which certain function keys may be disabled after using Time Machine.
* Fixes a possible alert message that incorrectly states a backup volume does not have enough space.
* Updates Time Machine to reliably restore attachments and messages in Mail.

Thank the Baby Jeebus that the Software Update Progress Bar is now more accurate!

so adorable

2008-05-19T21:05:00.004-04:00

Lifted from Perez:

Women cited for letting 2-year-old smoke

Two women were arrested at a Greenfield Ponderosa restaurant after being accused of allowing a 2-year-old to smoke.

According to police: The boy's 26-year-old mother and 39-year-old aunt were eating at the restaurant last week when they held a cigarette up to the boy's mouth and attempted to light it.

The aunt told police that the boy often says, "smoke, smoke," and sometimes takes cigarettes out of a pack and puts them in his mouth.

The child had been saying "smoke, smoke" while the aunt was smoking in the restaurant, and she held her cigarette up to the child's face. When she took it away, he continued to ask for a cigarette and grabbed one from a pack on the table.

Here is where the story becomes truly enchanted:

When the child put the cigarette in his mouth, the aunt held up her lighter to light it, but the boy did not inhale the cigarette so it failed to light. During this time, the boy's mother was paying for the food and when she returned to the table, he still had a cigarette in his mouth, and the two women began laughing.

An employee then came over to the table and told them to take the cigarette out of the boy's mouth.

The boy's mother said the child did this all the time, adding: "He can even light his own cigarettes." The mother then asked the boy for a cigarette, which he pulled out of a pack and handed to his mother.

When the mother said "light, light" the child grabbed a lighter and handed it to his mother.

i must be having a nightmare

2008-05-17T10:11:00.001-04:00

::looks out bathroom window::

there is a fucking MOONBOUNCE in my mexi-neighbors back yard

>:-\

what the christ? there are going to be...every child ever...in my earshot.

kitties

2008-05-15T23:24:00.002-04:00

while (!puppies) {

videoPlayer myNP = new videoPlayer();

myNP.playVideo("An Engineer's Guide to Cats")'

}

The basic necessities the cats need are food and also water. Fortunately, like most engineers, cats are pretty much willing to eat the same things day after day after day. But since we all know variety is the spice of life, it is good to try something different from time to time. "Mmm...good toast". For this reason, I occasionally offer my cats something that they seem to love even than life itself: tuna. "Tuna is pretty much like...cocaine...for kitties."

Spring 2008 Semester is Over

2008-05-14T15:03:00.003-04:00

And good riddance.

Here's the rundown:
Business Law B+
Systems Analysis: B+

A very special fuck you to Data Warehousing. That final exam was ridiculous (though not as ridiculous as my online grade report from Blackboard):

That math doesn't add up to me, but I'll take my A- and run for the hills.

One class left, and I have until June 2nd to catch up with my friends and get my life back in order.

How to ruin your day 3 times before 10am

2008-05-02T11:04:00.003-04:00

1) One of your two classmates from a group project has to demo it to the professor at 11am -- you know, the one you three worked on until 11:30pm last night? Your phone rings at 8:35am because he shut his laptop down and can't find your work. It took you so long to fix his laptop last night, there's no talking him through this over the phone.
2) It must be (every other) Friday, because the maids are here an hour early trying to clean around me while I get ready for work.
3) An 8:52am email (you read at 9:35am) invites you to a once a month 9am meeting with your partners in the UK.

Few things make my blood boil at much as #3.

Tired. Exhausted. Burnt Out. 0% Fun.

2008-05-01T23:53:00.000-04:00

In general, I've been posting less for three reasons:

1) I don't have much extra time to write (which we'll get into in a minute)

2) When I have time, I'm generally not into it (because of all the writing I do for work and school), and

3) I have been trying to write less nasty/snarky/sarcastic stuff, because it's stale

The last several months have been difficult for me, walking the fine line between being a good friend and making time for myself. A few friends have had some exceptional things happen to them: I want to try and be there for them, but I can't be there all the time, and they don't seem to get that.

Let's take a moment to review my April:

My real job: 176 hours
My old/part-time job: 76 hours
School: 39 hours + an 1 exam, 1 group presentation, and 2 group projects
One friend had surgery
One friend was in the hospital

Oh...and I squeezed in a weekend trip to NYC.

My responsibilities at work increased significantly in April, and I'm struggling to make that adjustment.

The semester is over in two weeks, and my summer schedule is only one class, but I'm pretty cooked. I'm starting to feel like The Giving Tree.

So apologies if I'm distant, don't take it personally. I need some space, and since no one is going to give it to me, I'm going to take it.

Coding Lady Marmalade

2008-04-23T20:49:00.000-04:00

theAlphaJohn: (portal) shit and died today
Will: nice
theAlphaJohn: we cant get it up
theAlphaJohn: im working on it right now
the consultant blamed josh's skins for portal
Will: awesome
Will: how can a skin fuck with the system?
theAlphaJohn: the login page wont render
Will: i thought josh just replaced the image files or whatever
theAlphaJohn: basically
some css and xslt
it's mocha chocola-yay-yay-taht

The Internet(s) Invent Funny News Truth

2008-04-23T20:05:00.002-04:00

Blessed Cornhole of Mohammed; from Yahoo News:

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

By Joe Bavier Tue Apr 22, 1:24 PM ET

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
ADVERTISEMENT

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

::cricket:: ::cricket::

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Penis theft? Sorcerers?

Memory Test

2008-04-23T19:38:00.003-04:00

Remember The Visionaries?

Three suns align, pour forth his might
and fill the archer's might

The arrows turn, the swords rebel
May nothing pierce this mortal shell

Sheath these feet in the driving gail
make swift these legs, o'ver land I sail

And then the McDonald's Menu Song?

Big Mac, McDLT
Some Quarter Pounders with some cheese
Filet O Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal

McNuggets, tasty golden fries, regular or larger size
A salad, chef or garden, or a Chicken Salad Oriental
Big, Big Breakfast, Egg McMuffin, hot-hotcakes and sausage
baby biscuit bacon egg and cheese a sausage danish, hash browns too

and for desset, hot apple pies, a sundae (three varieties)
a soft serve cone, three kinds of shakes, a chocolaty chip cookie
and to drink a coca-cola, diet coke, and orange, sprite too
and coffee, decafe too, a lowfat milk and also orange juice

i love mcdonalds, good time, great taste
and i get them all in one place

...

you want that to go?

::chortle::

Fuck, the Internet makes it difficult for me to show off my cranium sponge.

It occurs to me

2008-04-16T22:13:00.003-04:00

While waiting to start my business law exam, I overheard some students discussing registration for their fall classes.

I realized this is probably the first time in 11 years I have not anticipated the new class schedule or chased my time ticket.

!!!

Four weeks, then 1 class to go. I'll actually have my undergrad before I turn 30, and I can do whatever the fuck I want this fall.

A return to DJ school perhaps?

AIBO + April

2008-04-16T17:34:00.002-04:00

Mike thinks that this invention is like a cross between my past Robot Dog and my future mammal pet:

I doubt it will eat my new furniture, so I'm going to pass for now.

Welcome to Washington, Empress Ratzinger

2008-04-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

So thoughtful of you to apologize for decades of kid-touching. It makes me want to take Metro to mass:

And, might I say, that's a lovely dress you're wearing.

Blogger or not, you're fired

2008-04-14T23:30:00.004-04:00

preggers is NOT a word!

I don't care what shit-face owns your newspaper, at least pretend you're a fucking journalist.

...

There is not a plague strong enough to fix the human race.

NAVTEQ: We lose, you win

2008-04-08T18:57:00.002-04:00

Thank you for your recent Map Report. We have completed our investigation of your Map Report.

For the NAVTEQ tracking number: 00570CU8IJ2VDVJZ
Submitted on : 27, Dec 2007 11:54:58
Problem Description:
Montrose Road has been moved, construction still in progress.
http://www.nbc4.com/traffic/14879081/detail.html
http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/content/dpwt/capital/dcd/htm/MontroseDetour.pdf

Our Resolution Outcome is: Database Updated - Navigable Geometry
Details: The new, open segment of Montrose Parkway has been added to the NAVTEQ database. Please see PVID 750115166. This information was field verified.

For more details, proceed to your Map Report at http://mapreporter.navteq.com

NAVTEQ delivers regularly scheduled map updates to our business partners which include database enhancements. The commercial release dates for these products will vary depending on each business partner’s product plans. If your Map Report did not result in a database change, please note that we track these items and evaluate them with our business partners on a regular basis to enhance navigation system performance.

Having the latest map in your system makes a difference to system performance with the latest roads, addresses and Points of Interest. If you are interested in an updated map for your navigation system, please contact your system provider or check our online store at http://store.navteq.com.

We welcome your feedback on the NAVTEQ Map. Thank you for helping to keep the NAVTEQ Map the most accurate and highest quality in the business.

Regards,
The NAVTEQ Map Reporter Team

Now I just need to wait until my stupid GPS gets this update.

TV Writers: You May Go Back on Strike

2008-04-03T23:27:00.010-04:00

I may have to eat my criticism of Bravo in light of their new hit show Step it Up & Dance. This writer-less masterpiece, staring Elizabeth Berkley (who has added 34 credits to her bio since her 1995 Emmy winning performance in Show Girls), has given me something besides Law and Order reruns to watch.

That's right fools, we don't need you anymore.

"Step It Up & Dance" is a reality competition series where contestants will learn what it takes to make it big in the cutthroat dance industry. Celebrated actress and dancer Elizabeth Berkley will serve as host and Emmy Award nominee and Tony Award-winning director and choreographer Jerry Mitchell will mentor the 12 dancers chosen from around the country, as they master every conceivable dance style, from ballet and ballroom to Broadway and burlesque.

When the contestants first meet Elizabeth, they cut away to James, who is as excited about 12 weeks of Jessie Spano as I:

"Show Girls was a grueling movie -- like...she had to dance. And she danced on Save by the Bell, and she sang. Hello? I'm so excited.

Thank you James, I couldn't have said it better myself. People often think I'm kidding when I say that Show Girls, once you get past 2 hours of naked booby-dancing, is the greatest story of personal triumph ever captured on film.

Once Elizabeth gives her introduction speech, she tells everyone to go check out their apartment and get ready, because they are going out tonight. They make their way to Boulevard 3, where the music is bangin' and the alcohol is flowin'. As Miguel says, "Hello? Free alcohol? Go for the gold." The dancers one-up each other until...

[music stops]
Elizabeth: "Everybody stop! We're gonna pause the music and stop! Extras...thank you so much, you can leave. All my dancers, come right here."
Janelle: "What's going on?"
Elizabeth: "Your first challenge has already begun

Oh dang! Judges are watching, and this is the first challenge. I wonder what the message boards are saying about this?!?!

::cricket:: ::cricket::

After a dance off, a judge divides everyone into a winning group and an elimination group. After making the winning group, James ("we're sisters") and Miguel ("and yeah, we call ourselves the mean girls") are seen rolling around on a bed, laughing how Michael is not good.

The winning group had 90 minutes to choreograph a 1 minute routine to Spice Up Your Life (which happens to be Miguel's favorite Spice Girl's song). They made it look much easy, but I'm sure it wasn't. The elimination group, which had both (questionably) straight male contestants, were performing a different minute of Spice Up Your Life.

Tragedy strikes less than an hour before callbacks as Nicole's injury (caused by the boots she wore at Boulevard 3) sends her to the hospital. It's a race against the clock, and when the hospital tells her that she has a torn tendon, she decides to leave the show. ::death of Incredible Hulk music::

Special guest Scary Spice comes to see the performance, is there no end to the A list celebs Bravo will throw at this show? It needs no help, it's the best show on TV. If, like Andrew, I had paid $150.00 to see the Spice Girls live, I could better judge these performances. Janelle won the first challenge, James was a close second, and Jessica would have gone home if she didn't have immunity.

And now, THE LOSERS, who are 1 loser short. The looks on the judge's faces were priceless, so which loser gets to go home? The elimination phrase can make a reality show a hit, and Nomi Malone sealed this show's success when she told Adriana, "The show's over".

This show, like everything Elizabeth does, is way ahead of its time. Any criticism it gets shows the critics don't realize that this is the America's glorious future.

So viewers, if you want to watch the next big hit, set your DVR and Step it Up!

Sex with (Patio) Furniture

2008-04-01T17:36:00.003-04:00

No surprise, this is from Fox News:

(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The police officer interviewed for this piece makes it worth watching:

I'm reminded of Weird Al's movie, UHF, where he interviews people about Sex with Furniture. Sadly, I could not find the clip on Youtube.

caGrid 1.2 Released

2008-03-31T17:29:00.000-04:00

date: Mon, Mar 31, 2008 at 12:41 PM
subject: Announcing release of version 1.2 of caGrid Core infrastructure

On behalf of the entire caGrid core infrastructure team, I am pleased to announce the release of version 1.2 of caGrid core infrastructure. All the release artifacts can be accessed at https://cabig.nci.nih.gov/workspaces/Architecture/caGrid

Some of the key enhancements for the release include:

- Creation of a simplified Grid Transfer Service to handle large scale data transfer for grid based queries

- Integration with the latest releases of Software Development Kit (SDK) and Common Security Module (CSM)

- Availability of a new Web based Single Sign On Framework, called WebSSO, for providing single sign on capability for web based applications integrated with caGrid GAARDs security infrastructure, based on collaboration with the caBIG Clinical Trials Suite (CCTS) team from the Clinical Trials Management Systems Workspace

- Substantial improvements to usability of tools such as Introduce Toolkit based on user feedback

- Integration with Apache Ivy build system for improved dependency management of sub components within the caGrid core infrastructure

- Early preview to integration with the Taverna Workbench for developing workflows, based on collaboration with the Integrative Cancer Research Workspace

- Backward compatible with the caGrid 1.0 and caGrid 1.1

Feel free to contact us if you have questions or suggestions.

Thank you for your interest in caGrid!

My third project out the door since November.

caBIG(TM) in Computerworld

2008-03-27T17:34:00.000-04:00

A nice write up on caBIG(TM) in Computerworld:

[...]

The National Cancer Institute took on that issue in 2003 by launching what it called the largest IT project in the history of biomedical research. The NCI created what is, in essence, a World Wide Web of cancer research.

The Cancer Biomedical Informatics Grid, or caBIG, promises to help researchers, physicians and patients across the country to better share more-detailed information about diseases and thus speed the development of new drugs and treatments for them.

The government-funded effort costs about $20 million a year, the NCI said.

To date, 42 of the institute's 63 national cancer centers are either linked to the caBIG grid or are installing the necessary infrastructure to participate. Many are already building applications that can be shared by members of the grid.

[...]

Hey Jeebus! Who's your publicist?

2008-03-21T17:11:00.004-04:00

Pope Benedict AND Jesus Christ in the news? What about the Easter Bunny?

That's some algorithm you got there, Google(s).

NY Governor Spitzer: "Involved" in a Prostitution Ring

2008-03-10T14:30:00.003-04:00

From Albany Times Union:

Report: Spitzer involved with prostitution ring
Associated Press Last updated: 2:22 p.m., Monday, March 10, 2008

NEW YORK -- The New York Times is reporting that Gov. Eliot Spitzer has told senior advisers that he had been involved in a prostitution ring.

Spitzer is scheduled to make an announcement Monday afternoon.

Spitzer officials wouldn't immediately comment on the story.

What does "involved" mean? Did he help them file a class action suit against Trojan?

He has been governor for about 20 minutes, and you can expect his resignation by close of business.

Idiot.

Possibly the Greatest Invention Ever

2008-03-07T18:51:00.002-05:00

William-Sonoma's Beer Tender:

Available exclusively at Williams-Sonoma, the innovative BeerTender from Krups and Heineken allows you to enjoy fresh, perfectly chilled pub-style draft beer at home. The sleek, self-contained appliance features a patented system engineered for compatability with Heineken’s compact five-liter DraughtKegs, the only kegs available featuring the CO2 technology that keeps beer fresh for up to 30 days. The internal carbonation unit ensures that each serving delivers a crisp, refreshing draft brew topped with an optimal head of foam. Freeing up space in your refrigerator, the BeerTender is simple to use. Just insert a keg and position its tube, then close the lid and select the desired serving temperature. A powerful Peltier cooling system provides precise chilling to three preset temperature settings. Displayed on a digital panel, readouts include both current temperature and desired temperature. Volume and freshness indicators show how much beer remains in the keg and how long it will maintain top quality. Intended for indoor household use only. 11 3⁄4" x 19" x 16 1⁄2" high.

Soon enough, this bitch will be in the outlets, and then she will be mine.

Cross One Nightmare Off My List

2008-03-07T10:14:00.003-05:00

From Gothamist:

The owners of four Manhattan Burger King franchises are locked in a nasty legal battle with their royal overlord. Luan Sadik and his sister, Elizabeth Sadik, rebelled against the mandatory 99-cent menu and the recent dollar Value Menu because the prices couldn’t cover the obscene Manhattan rent and the fast food monarch roared.

According to the Daily News, their rent at a Fifth Avenue restaurant is $9,000/month and $18,000.month at a 47th Street location. The Sadiks also kick up a monthly royalty to the King based on gross sales.

Dear Creepyface,

Monthly rent on my bed just went up to $30,000.00 per month. Pay, or get the fuck out.

Home of the Not-so-much-whopper,
tAJ

Susann's Amazing Puppy Plan

2008-03-04T14:39:00.001-05:00

Susann and I discuss puppies:

theAlphaJohn: i want 4 puppies
Susann: get 3 girlfriends and that would be perfect
theAlphaJohn: i like the way you think
do you know 3 girls who wouldnt mind sharing me?
cause im pimp like that
Susann: im sure you could find some on craigslist
theAlphaJohn: i'm allergic to online dating in any form
Susann: how about online hooking up?
theAlphaJohn: that's different
i'm in a 12 step for that
esp M4T (where T == nubian tranny >= 300lbs)

Such a Thoughtful Puppy

2008-02-24T23:43:00.002-05:00

George: Maggie wants to know why Uncle John didn't come see her? She made chili and cornbread and cookies!
theAlphaJohn: Uncle John has a stomach virus
George: Oh noes!! Need anything? Maggie says she'll come over & bite it
theAlphaJohn: That would be perfect
George: Let us know when.
George: She'd like to bring you a chili lunch tomorrow if you are home w/ thermometer in your mouth still
theAlphaJohn: Isn't she the sweetest?
George: Oh hell yes

This Post Contains 100% Pre and Post-Consumer Complaining

2008-02-21T23:28:00.000-05:00

First I want to pat myself on the back: I completed 62 credits since Summer 2006, have three classes on my plate now, and just one more stands between me and graduation. There's no doubt I'll be done in Summer of 2008, perhaps forever.

School has wadded me up and thrown me in with the dirty laundry.

Working a new, full time job, and taking three classes at night (Mon/Wed/Thu), my schedule is pretty rigid. I'm pretty good at keeping track and getting everything done, but unexpected events throw me for a loop. As soon as I get a syllabus, I add any tests or assignment due-dates to my calendar.

My Monday class is led by a professor I had last semester. He's a bright guy, and he really wants his students to 'get it' (by 'it', I mean an STD), but he's very disorganized and a little scatter-brained in his examples. He tends to dribble out homework assignments, give an unrealistic due date, then change the due date. I would rather that he either (1) post assignments AND due dates at the beginning of the semester, or (2) at least post due dates at the beginning of the semester, so I can PLAN well in advance for an assignment. All our assignments are done in groups, and everyone in my group HAS A JOB. He handed out our first on February 11th, and we were certain it was due Wed, 2/27. In fact, it was due 2/20, and we found this out when he gave us an extension to 2/21. That gave us only one day to collaborate and pull this thing together.

P.S. -- the assignment itself: asinine.

Of course we pulled it off and submitted it before midnight, but here I am: instead of doing my job, paying attention in another class, or sleeping, I'm trying to half-ass some assignment he half-assed himself. I'm paying for the pleasure of your unpreparedness.

Wednesday night was Business Law, where our professor (who works for DOJ, and used to be a DOJ trial attorney) scolded us for the grades on our first exam, and suggested that the lower quintile might want to consider dropping his class. I originally had high hopes for this class, but aside from some small legal details (understanding citations like 497 F.3d 955), it's been American history. Judicial review 5 U.S. (1 Cranch) 137 (1803) gives you a boner: I get it. I'm comfortable with the Bill of Rights, not just because I paid attention in 8th grade social studies, but I go to George Mason University. Dude may have been 5 feet tall WASP, but he was all BOR all the time. Blah blah blah.

Thursday nights are my required Systems Analysis class. Forget that I took a 200-level Systems Analysis class as a CS major (which was more difficult), or that I've done this professionally for the past 10 years, there is no mechanism in SOM at GMU to let me waive or substitute it. My professor is an adjunct who works for Oracle, and everyone who works for Oracle is a sales person. This is the first class I've had where the professor will be getting all 0s on his evaluation. I like Oracle's tools, but I don't need a 3 hours sales demo every week.

I'm at the end of the road, and I will finish, but I am exhausted, and it's pointless. I don't care about my professors, I don't care about my course work, I don't even care about my grades as long as I pass. I want out.

And...I'm sad because I want a puppy, but it would be lonely and die with my schedule. Most week days, I leave the house by 9:00am, and I'm not home until after 10:00pm. I'd rather have a puppy than school. George's new puppy, Maggie, is cuter than words:

Tell me: would you rather have that sweet face, or a business law test?

I thought so.

Microsoft: Who Uses Visual Studio 2008?

2008-02-18T15:32:00.004-05:00

While installing the newest version of Visual Studio, Microsoft shows you the kind of people who are using their tools to build a better life...well for nobody.

First, this former librarian, who needs to trade her horse-toothed grille for some botox:

Next, this tranny simulcrum:

And finally, this West Hollywood meth addict:

With as much money as Microsoft has, they could have bought a copy of Photoshop (or all of Adobe if they didn't want to use someone else's product) to retouch these pictures.

Then again, I guess the smudge tool can only do so much.

Call a Spade a Spade

2008-02-15T16:58:00.000-05:00

KK: so do you think you'll be able to join us tonight? I need to verify with Onsaya if she's going
theAlphaJohn: probably not
i was going to go skiing, but it's too warm. need to work a little late and get caught up here. i have homework and other bullshit to get done this weekend
KK: boo hiss...
theAlphaJohn: it's a double edged sword, knowing me
on one hand, i bitch if you ask me too early if im available
KK: hee heeeeeeeee
theAlphaJohn: on the other, i'm not always free at the last minute
KK: lmao
theAlphaJohn: basically, i'm a pain in the ass
KK: 2 of a kind then...

Liveblogging: Billiam Clinton @ Mason

2008-02-11T21:45:00.003-05:00

Joey and Corey joined me in the Johnson Center at George Mason for Bill Clinton's pre-Potomac Primary rally for his cyborg proto-spouse.

8:53 - left class early for the 9:00pm "start". Wait, didn't Bill make 50 nations wait to get food at McDonald's?
8:58 - Billary's staff: HOMELY
9:08 - found a spot to watch, too bad 1,000 sociopathic Asians think it's Chinese New Year, but instead it's ADA and VIPs only
9:15 - speech from campus democrats about how awesome they are for organizing this awesome event in this not-so-awesome venue. The Patriot Center worked for the final four, but not so much for Clinton.
9:43 - somewhere, the 42nd President is loose, and fat coeds are not safe.
9:50 - **cheers** Blah blah Clinton.
9:56 - "my case for Hillary": cute face, chubby waist, thick legs in shape

9:58 - "signing up poor Hispanics to vote"
9:59 - dumb whore falls off chair she's standing on. crowd cheers.
10:00 - "blah blah" something about Israel

10:01 - "you may remember"...no you don't, you were 8 when it happened
10:02 - "you may think NY is a Democratic state"...
10:04 - "last year she passed the student loan blah blah bill"
10:05 - "mortgage meltdown, recession" -- unbelievable!
10:06 - "90 day mortgage review" -- keep the munthly on ma house. booyah!
10:09 - "raise your hand if you know someone without health care", "the only major nation in world without health care". we know, we can buy the congressional health plan. we know 15 million won't want it. they don't have to. PARETO PRINCIPLE!!! everybody must be covered.
10:15 - "we were poorest first family in 20th century", but the booty calls were amazing
10:17 - vote for Hillary. xoxo
10:18 - "number 2 education. free pre-k, death to no child left behind", even though my wife voted for it.

10:18 - how does NCLB work? MORE TESTS FOR EVERYONE!
10:19 - "our kids are smart". amazing considering facebook.
10:20 - "the tests are a wink and a nod", like my marriage. ;) save the music, arts, and other nerd activities. "we are not good at replicating excellence". "5 tests solve nothing", even though my starbucks franchise example makes no sense (they don't franchise).
10:23 - "make college accessible to all. raise pell grants raise hope scholarship. give young people more opportunities through americorps". direct lending.

10:25 - work in a clinic, loans repaid. AIDS pays. hooray.
10:26 - is it happy hour yet?
10:27 - who can we convince to cut their greenhouse gas? green collar high school dropouts. clean -- green -- snogans.
10:29 - bill [hearts] iphone price cuts.
10:30 - other countries hate us? but...but foreign policy?
10:31 - two new nukes for every boy...except iran. nah nah nah nah nah nah!
10:33 - iraq...yawn. it's hot and crowd is thinning. i need Billary pictures.
10:34 - oh dear, big girl panty line. gross.
10:35 - "suppose your neighbors house burned down", wait that doesn't work. let's discuss how used the military is right now. more marines in afghanistan, if i hd them to send.
10:36 - Hil 4 prez == America is BACK! I have a name for my new facebook group.
10:37 - wrapping up, yawn.

...:::AWAITING FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS:::...

2008-02-11T19:50:00.000-05:00

MESSAGE TO EMPEROR CLINTON: Awaiting upload of further instructions.

"What is thy bidding, my master?"

Google News Proves We Must Fire All the Reporters

2008-02-07T21:19:00.001-05:00

This happens all the time.

Could you fuckers agree on the number before you publish your story?

And you -- Bloomberg. How about you copy edit the story before you post it? There's no fucking need to have 3 updates...the fucking bill passed 90 minutes ago.

I hate all of you.

Impulse Buy

2008-02-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

I've been skiing twice this season. I have high arches, and the first time I went this season, I couldn't put weight on one foot after I got out of my boots.

I decided to order orthotics for my ski boots; ironically, Google lead me to Foot Dynamics, a company in home town. They sent me a kit to make foot molds using my oven, I sent them back, and less than a week later I had my orthotics. Total cost: $189.00.

Last week, I dropped my skis off at Willi's for a tune up. When I went in to pick them up, I asked the guys who work there if they could my new orthotics into my boots. The sales guys were very helpful, especially when they informed me that their orthotics were (at most) $100.00. The guy who helped me, whose feet are 2 sizes larger than mine, told me that he wore the same size boots that I did. While his buddy went in back to get my skis, he let me try on a couple pairs of boots that should be a better fit to my feet.

Long story short, my $20 tune up turned into $300, but my new boots are so comfy. I hope to try them out tomorrow after work.

Rugs are Oriental, People are Asian

2008-02-06T20:59:00.000-05:00

Why did a Korean send me a text message that reads "Happy Chinese New Year"?

Work Sends me to Mormonville -> Mormon Pope Dies

2008-01-28T02:51:00.000-05:00

Naturally, on my first trip to Salt Lake City, the head of the Mormon church would die and create an international spectacle.

Gordon B. Hinckley, the president and prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who led Mormonism through a period of global expansion, died Sunday at his apartment in Salt Lake City. He was 97.

Well folks, when life gives you dead prophet, roll up your sleeves and make dead prophet-ade. That means we hop in our car, and head down to the Mormon Temple to witness the spectacle first hand.

Much to the delight of the news crews that showed up, a group of studentmourners starting singing hymns:

Fret not, no business trips to Vatican City planned.

Meanwhile, Salt Lake City is wondering when Mittens is going to speak up...

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-01-25T16:06:00.000-05:00

Frowny Face Events
1) Head cold
2) Business trip to Salt Lake City
3) No birthday puppy

Smiley Face Events
1) Everyone on Facebook wishing me Happy Birthday
2) Red velvet cupcakes
3) One more year before my warranty expires

No Confession Will Erase This Sin

2008-01-24T21:49:00.000-05:00

[I apologize for this back dated post. I started it the same weekend it happened, and have been working on the draft for over a week.]

I called Joey on Friday night to see what she was up to. It turned out that ~~Chrissy~~ Chrisdon was have a birthday celebration at Bailey's in Crystal City, so I decided to join them after work.

Once I found parking, I met up with everybody. We stayed there a little over an hour and had a nice time.

Walking to our cars in the parking garage, Joey says to me, "I'm going to Jay's now, you need to join me." I hesitated for a moment when she cast irresistible bait, "Jay's has a DJ named Pee Wee who uses two tape decks to play his oldies."

How could I possibly say no?

In a place like Clarendon, with a Whole Foods on every corner, you can't imagine how a place like Jay's hasn't been turned into 300 condos yet. Nay, it's the kind of bar that (speaking from personal experience) you don't mind urinating in the parking lot before you get in your car and leave.

As you walk in, Jay (the owner) is there to shake your hand. Just beyond his in the live-action Fred Flintstone (6'4, 350lbs, blond, white dress shirt half unbuttoned, red tie loosened around his collar, and chugging his bud light straight from the pitcher), and just to your left is Pee Wee:

My mind went to Tony Wilson's voice over in 24 Hour Party People:

"And tonight something equally epoch-making is taking place. See? They're applauding the DJ. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator, but the medium. This is it. The birth of rave culture. The beatification of the beat. The dance age. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing. Welcome to Manchester."

Well folks, this was no Manchester.

In the space of an hour: I watched a 60 year old woman ~~dance with~~ grind on guys 1/3 her age, I met Fred Flintstone's monstrous girlfriend/sister/sidekick, and I convinced a 37 year old woman who'd lost her voice to go back to college.

After the horror of Jay's, we went to Bob & Edith's where Joey made friends with our waiter, "20" (a very nice white kid who happened to be 20 years old, so Joey named him thus). On the floor under the booth across from us:

someone finished up their "for the road" Bud Dry before they got them some scrapple.

On the way home, I fucked up a turn in Arlington and got pulled over. The cop was cool and wrote me a warning, but the next day I saw that my GPS was also traumatized by Pee Wee and Fred Flintstone and watching me pee in a parking lot:

It had automagically added Jay's as a "Point of Interest", so I automagically performed a factory reset on it.

Fuck you, Zipcar!

2008-01-18T21:29:00.000-05:00

Why does Zipcar get all the best parking?

Charge Everything, Get Cash Back

2008-01-18T14:55:00.001-05:00

As credit cards go, cash rewards are my favorite. Way back, I had an American Airlines AA Advantage card, but I realized that was like trying to furnish my apartment with skeeball prizes. You may recall that I had a Chase Perfect Card, which credited your bill each month with last month's rebate. Others, like the Amex Blue Cash Card I replaced it with, credits your bill with the rebate at the end of the year.

Blue Cash has a sliding scale for rewards: "For the first $6,500, you earn 1% on purchases at grocery stores, gas stations and drug stores and 0.5% on everything else. Once you've gone past $6,500 for the year, you earn 5% on purchases at grocery stores, gas stations and drug stores and 1.5% on everything else."

So how did I do?

Charges: 21,316.00
Rebate: 367.34
Percentage: 1.72%

I didn't start using my Blue Cash until February, so that's a month sooner I could have reached $6,500. Keep in mind that many of my recurring monthly charges (haircut, maids) do not accept American Express, so those were going on my debit card.

For 2008, I've adopted the hybrid Amex Blue Cash / Chase Freedom approach. The Chase not only earns me 1% on the things I couldn't use my Amex for, but I've moved my tv/internet/cell phone over to it so I can earn 3% back on those. Chase gave me $50 in rewards for opening the account, and credits the rebate to your bill once you call and request. If you allow $200 in rewards to accumulate, Chase credits $250 to your account. My goal is to earn at least $150 in rewards from that card this year so I benefit from the free $100 ($50 signup plus $50 deferred rebate). I may hate the CEO of Chase bank, but I'll take his money.

When life gives you snow, get out your ski gear

2008-01-18T11:40:00.000-05:00

Before I left for work yesterday, I looked out the window and saw snow. Instead of panicking like most people in the DC metro area, I decided to throw my ski gear in the car. The closest mountain we have in Liberty in Pennsyl~~tucky~~vania, and my new job is 1/3 of the way there.

When packing the car, I realized that my ski jacket was missing. I had lost a little weight, and it was way to big on me (b/c it was probably a little too big to begin with); I had forgotten that it went to Goodwill in my last purge. After work, I went to REI and picked up a new one.

I got to the mountain at 7:30pm, by then it had warmed up and was raining. I was pretty wet when I went in and picked up my Advantage card. By the time I got to the top of the mountain, it was just foggy.

I had so much fun, even though I was soaked by the time I left at 10pm, and my left foot was killing me. I called my chiropractor this morning, and they are setup to do ski boot orthotics (in addition to regular shoe orthotics), so I'm going to see what's up with those at my appointment tomorrow.

wh00t!!

Every Child's Christmas Dream

2008-01-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

I had dinner with Mary and Rob on Monday night, and Mary brought me a Christmas gift:

A Robot Panda-slave! And her eyes glow green! Mary suggested I name her Dinner, after my Facebook fur friend, but I think Susan Smith might be more appropriate.

I need to make some YouTube videos of it walking and crushing it's young. Stay tuned!

JJ & Smooth @ Buzz

2008-01-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

[Photos from High Rezolution]

As a duo, JJ Flores and Steve Smooth have produced a half-dozen of the biggest club hits in the past several years. You may not recognize their names, but DJ's like Bad Boy Bill and Jon Carpenter spin Get Naked, Deep Inside These Walls, Freak You, Release, and Time for Love.

JJ and Smooth, however, didn't really drop any of their own hits during their Buzz set, they just spun gay house.

But as you can see, they had a lot of fun doing.

Corey and Tammy joined me on this trip, but the only horrible photos seems to be of me (natch).

Remember When My Blog Posts Were Frequent and Interesting?

2008-01-10T12:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah, me either.