Trannies Done-Throwed Down

Mmmm hrmm...and how.

Susann's Amazing Puppy Plan

Susann and I discuss puppies:

theAlphaJohn: i want 4 puppies
Susann: get 3 girlfriends and that would be perfect
theAlphaJohn: i like the way you think
do you know 3 girls who wouldnt mind sharing me?
cause im pimp like that
Susann: im sure you could find some on craigslist
theAlphaJohn: i'm allergic to online dating in any form
Susann: how about online hooking up?
theAlphaJohn: that's different
i'm in a 12 step for that
esp M4T (where T == nubian tranny >= 300lbs)

Microsoft: Who Uses Visual Studio 2008?

While installing the newest version of Visual Studio, Microsoft shows you the kind of people who are using their tools to build a better life...well for nobody.

First, this former librarian, who needs to trade her horse-toothed grille for some botox:



Next, this tranny simulcrum:



And finally, this West Hollywood meth addict:



With as much money as Microsoft has, they could have bought a copy of Photoshop (or all of Adobe if they didn't want to use someone else's product) to retouch these pictures.

Then again, I guess the smudge tool can only do so much.

Williamsburg, VA

Back when I was a Madrigal Singer in April of 1996, we performed at Bruton Parish Church in Colonial Williamsburg.



Since I couldn't get a hotel in NYC at the last minute I had not been there in years, I decided to spend Columbus Day Weekend there.

Friday

---

• Stayed at Crowne Plaza, which allows pets. Too bad I don't have a puppy.


• Dinner at The Trellis, one of the best meals I've ever eaten


• I sent text messages to all the former W&M alum I could think of to find out where the best night spot was in Williamsburg. Billy's answer: Paul's. Despite getting a Guinness in a plastic cup (and a single pour), this college bar provided lots of wonderful young flesh to gawk at.

Saturday

---

• Lunch at The Sportsman Grille. Service: D-, Food: D+


• Drank tasty Pumpkin Ale at The Tap House Grill At Ghent in Norfolk, VA


• Hooray bar-hopping trannies! Took photographs of Corey with said trannies

(Miss Angel on the left, Corey and his goatee in center, and Miss Diana on the right):


Sunday

---

• Breakfast at a random pancake house. Hit the spot.


• Went to Busch Gardens, which is running their Howl-o-Scream...whatever it is.



• While in line and being attacked from teenage werewolves, I see my new hero: Daddy Juice Pig:
  
  Daddy Juice Pig was there with his little (maybe 8 years old) son. Complete with b-acne and swollen forehead, he proved that it's never to early to show your children how important performance enhancing drugs can be.


• Dinner and drinks at Paul's (Yum!)

Monday

---

• Another pancake house breakfast


• Visited Jamestown, took pictures, and most-of-all: sweated. Everything there is basically a 100 year old recreation of its former, 400 year old self.

Restful, relaxing, and out of my system.

Twin Chimeras Discovered

Nature has an article this week about the discovery of semi-identical twins:

Researchers have discovered a pair of twins who are identical through their mother's side, but share only half their genes on their father's side.

The 'semi-identical' twins are the result of two sperm cells fusing with a single egg — a previously unreported way for twins to come about, say the team that made the finding. The twins are chimaeras, meaning that their cells are not genetically uniform. Each sperm has contributed genes to each child.

Apparently this was discovered because of a genital anomaly in one of the twins:

Souter and her colleagues investigated the twins' genetic makeup because one was born with ambiguous genitalia. This twin turned out to be a 'true hermaphrodite', with both ovarian and testicular tissue. The other twin is anatomically male.

Genetic tests revealed that each twin contained some 'female' cells with two X chromosomes, and some 'male' cells with an X and a Y. The proportion of each type varies from tissue to tissue in each twin, the researchers report in Human Genetics1.

The babies, now toddlers, were conceived and born normally, and each twin's growth and mental abilities appear normal.

Mother Nature has quite a sense of humor.

New from Sketchers: from Metrosexual to Transexual

Really?

Wow. Coming to a clearance rack near you.

Micronations make my head hurt

In her attempt to kill me with an aneurism today, Mary made a reference to Sealand, a micronation:

The Principality of Sealand is a man-made off-shore installation named HM Fort Roughs, a former Maunsell Sea Fort located in the North Sea 10 kilometres (six miles) off the coast of Suffolk, England, as well as territorial waters in a twelve-nautical-mile radius.

Since 1967, the population of Sealand has consisted of the associates and family members of Paddy Roy Bates, a former radio broadcaster and former British Army Major. Critics claim that Roughs Tower has always remained the property of the United Kingdom, a view that is disputed by the Bates family. The population of the facility rarely exceeds ten, and its area is 5920 sq. ft.

Sealand's claims to sovereignty and legitimacy are not recognised by any country, yet it is sometimes cited[1] in debates as an interesting case study of how various principles of international law can be applied to a territorial dispute.

Ok...so a British DJ squatted on what is essentially an oil rig platform (but built for port defense in WWII), fought off the British Navy with a shot gun, and crowned himself price?

Do what??

While I desperately plugged my ears to keep my leaking brains from spilling out, Mary continued to look at micronations until she ran across the Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands:

On June 14, 2004, the group claimed the Coral Sea Island Territory and seceded from Australia after sailing to the largest island in the group and raising the rainbow flag there. One of the group's members, Dale Parker Anderson (born 1965), was declared Emperor, as Dale I. The "secession" was staged in protest at a decision to ban same-sex marriage made by the Australian federal parliament.

Since 2005 the Australian group has reportedly been embroiled in internal disputes and secessions by various factions. These include two American-based groups, the Gay and Lesbian Commonwealth Kingdom, headed by Jaix Broox, the Unified Gay Tribe, led by Bill Freeman and Enrique Pérez, and the German based Gay Homeland Foundation led by Victor Zimmermann. None of these other groups claim the territory of the Coral Sea Islands.

The kingdom's claims are not recognised by any state, and as no permanent settlement has been established, the Coral Sea Islands remain uninhabited. The kingdom claims to have begun operating a mail service on January 1, 2006. It is presumed this service operates between the Coral Sea Islands and Queensland, however as of July 2006 there is no independent verification of its precise nature and frequency. The kingdom issued its first stamps in July 2006, and intends to issue stamps conservatively "with the aim of creating a high and distinctive reputation amongst the philatelic fraternity." The kingdom's website asserts that tourism, fishing and philatelic sales are its only economic activities.

...

Are you kidding me? Here are their stamps:



My favorite are the circle-symbols: man & woman, man & man, woman & woman, and a fucking tranny.

Christ. A tranny stamp. But wait, there's more. Here is the bio of their emperor:

His Imperial Majesty the Emperor
Born in August 1965, Dale Parker Anderson is the eldest of identical twins and is the 19 x great grandson of King Edward II of England (the gay King) and Queen Isabella of France via their son King Edward III. The Emperors Imperial Standard carries the royal arms of England and France.

Yes, you read correctly. "The gay king".

Don't get me wrong. I don't care that it's a homo nation, I care that's it a psuedo-sovereign nation of fucking nutbags. I wish all the LARPers would move to their own island so we could blow that up.

Traneez...the hottest gift this American History X-mas

I really don't like borrowing from other people's blogs, but this is so god damned funny I must share. From Princess Sparkle Pony:



This was PSP's response to The Right Reverend Rabbi Judah's idea for "American History X-mas":

Let it never be said that won't support a fabulous cause, even if it's associated with Christmas. Pony Pal™ The Rev has come up with an idea so touching, even the gloomiest heretics will heed Santa's insistent, nagging call. [...]

My all-powerfully tranny search engine can even find humor based on a misspelling of "trannies". In the information age, not even your love of chicks-with-dicks is safe from me.

Concert :: DJ AtomX, live at Goodlove in Baltimore

George, Timothy, and I took a trip up to Goodlove in Baltimore to see DJ AtomX's return to the booth.

Tim was first to point out that the club was basically a three level townhouse, though that didn't stop 180+ people from coming through the doors Friday night. There was a shitty house DJ downstairs that spun even shitter amp'ed up house tracks for the Fubu thugs and gaggle of worn out house fraus away from their husbands and kids for the night. The upper two levels were musically served by a DJ booth on the third level that overlooked both sets of stairs. The top level was like a loft in a townhouse, only there weren't any windows behind the mini-blinds hanging on the walls.

At one point, I did turn to George and Tim to say, "When we leave, let's go on Baltimore's Craigslist and get a hooker for all of us to share. Now I know we'll need to compromise because Tim will want his to be a tranny, and George will want his to have a USB port. Maybe we can meet someone in the middle and get a regular girl?"

Much was drank, bar tabs were small, and AtomX blasted out a four hour set (and was surprised he got paid for it). Was good to finally meet him, but it was even better to pass out in the back seat before we got on 95 and wake up in front of my house. Thanks for driving, George.

My ideas for the next Woot-off

Those of you who know me are familiar with my penchant for streams of consciousness. Many times when chatting me, it's like chatting with a poorly written AI-bot (I have canned dumb answers for even stupider questions like "What's up?"). To make up for that, I like to reserve the tiny thinking part of my brain for those times when I can throw everything in the mental wash with a big cup of bleach and wash on hot until everything turns pink.

Barry sent me this article about Anne Coulter blasting 9-11 widows right before Mike IMed me about a Woot-off:

Mike: Woot-Off !!!
theAlphaJohn: christ
theAlphaJohn: is there a vial of AIDS on there? I want to throw it in Anne Coulter's face
theAlphaJohn: or maybe a bucket of cancer
Mike: you'll have to stand in line.
Mike: what a bitch
theAlphaJohn: i'd like to throw a water balloon full of herpes on her stupid gash
theAlphaJohn: not that it would matter, no one is sticking their dick in that mess
Mike: lol. for sure.
Mike: actually, I think she has a dick.
Mike: albeit a little tiny one.
theAlphaJohn: what are you buying me on the woot-off?
Mike: already got you a couple of really neat electric air fresheners.
theAlphaJohn: :/
Mike: lol
theAlphaJohn: why arent there Real Dolls on there?
theAlphaJohn: or child-killing robots?
theAlphaJohn: or trannies?
theAlphaJohn: something i can use, or at least be entertained by?
Mike: your interests must lie outside the general public's interests. Imagine that.
theAlphaJohn: i doubt it
theAlphaJohn: i'm zero sigma from the mean
theAlphaJohn: which means i am the mean
Mike: I'll have to check that.
theAlphaJohn: and, ironically, i'm just plain mean
Mike: now there's something that makes sense.

Of Crack Whores and Trannies

Apparently it was an exciting night on Craigslist:





I fear for society.

Craigslist: Casual Encounters

Please click the image above for you hideous CL tranny of the day.

Badly Penned Lyrics

I should have been asleep three hours ago, but I'm sitting here sifting through Craigslist for a single good "t4m $$$" ad listening to a couple random things I bought on the iTunes Music store last night, I'm wondering more and more what the hype is over Badly Drawn Boy?

To start, "The Hour of Bewilderbeast" is not-so-much a good album title. The song "The Shining", which I hoped to have at least one good loop from the Steven King/Jack Nicholson movie, is 5:18 seconds long but the lyrics do not begin until 1:40 (after a quief from a french horn). The lyrics sound like they were written by a javascript applet, and frankly I don't own a sweater vest so I'm not sure how much of this I'm allowed to listen to.

It reminds me a bit of when Shakira first broke out with "Tango", and while people were screaming and Carson Daily was swooning over her, I was like a human character in Lassie:

"What's the Shakira? You're out of bold hold hairspray? No? Is Timmy trapped in a well? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME??"

Is this the big thang I've been missing all this time? Then I will slink back into my dark, damp hole of chest-pounding hard house and electronica now, because I can do without this thanks so much.

Furries

I have a sort of infatuation with deviant sexual behavior (which is probably why I find Jim Norton so funny). I'm always the person explaining to someone about trannies and polyamorous relationships, and at one time Furries.

Diesel Sweeties had an arc about a character being a Furry, and this is pretty much the gut-busting tail end of it:



lol...

The end of the Robot era?

I think I was born obsessed with Sony's Aibo.

Since I first read about AIBO on Slashdot, I knew I must own one. For two years I hounded my then employer until they bought me one, then I left and bought my own in March of 2004.

Like all of the coolest gagets, almost the same day it began collecting dust.

My staff taunted me because I named her Fluffy and she had a male voice, which couldn't be changed (without a hack) until the recent AIBO Mind 3 release.

I have a rule now about expensive hobbies -- I'm only allowed one at a time. No Serrato Scratch Live until Fluffy has parked her tranny robot shell on a different corner. So as of right now my Robot child is up for sale on eBay.

Happy bidding.