Trannies Done-Throwed Down

Mmmm hrmm...and how.

iPhone App: Kitten Escape

It is a game that moves the block, and goes out of the kitten that has been confined. Kitten Escape is said "Daughter in the Box" of classical slide puzzle game.

Kitten reminds me of my old friend, CATS...

You have no chance to survive. Make your time. Haha!

CNN Now Projecting a Ratings Win for Themselves

Had you known before the polls closed, would you have voted for a Hologram instead of a human?



Fox News probably had to execute a terrorist live to get people to turn away from this marvel. It's like the advent of the talkies, only not-so-much.

Gizmodo has a write up if you're curious how it works.

McCain Hilarious at Al Smith 2008 Dinner

Seriously. I was laughing my ass off in the car last night. C-SPAN has the entire dinner, McCain's speech starts at 7:10 ::

There are signs of hope, even in this room full of proud, Manhattan Democrats. I can't shake that feeling that some people in here are pulling for me. I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary. Where's Bill, by the way? Can't he take one night off from his tireless quest to make the man who defeated his wife the next President? The man is a relentless advocate for the Obama campaign, and he has a subtle approach to making the case. When a reporter asked him if Senator Obama was qualified to be President, Bill Clinton pointed out, "Sure. He's over 35 years of age and a US citizen". He was pandering to the strict constructionist crowd!

The entire transcript is here.

For serious, where has this speech writer been hiding?

Yiddish with George and Laura

From Andrew:



OMG...Jews!!

Boxing Day Premier

My cousins and a couple friends attended the premier of Boxing Day at the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring, MD.



The movie was shot on a $2,000 budget, and in many parts it looked like it. It really exceeded my expectations, and I laughed all the way through.

I think they should enter it in Sundance. I don't think it would win, but I think it would do really well.

What's Funnier than a Racist Presidential Candidate?

Why, three racist presidential candidates and a newspaper!

According to the NY Times:

McCain Campaign Says Obama Is ‘Playing the Race Card’

Updated RACINE, Wis. – Senator John McCain’s campaign accused Barack Obama of playing “the race card’’ on Thursday, citing his remarks that Republicans would try to scare voters by pointing out he “doesn’t look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills.’’

“Barack Obama has played the race card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck,’’ Rick Davis, Mr. McCain’s campaign manager, said in a statement. “It’s divisive, negative, shameful and wrong.’’

Mr. Davis was alluding to comments that Mr. Obama made Wednesday in Missouri when he reacted to the increasingly negative tone, and negative ads that have been coming his way from the McCain campaign in recent days.

“So nobody really thinks that Bush or McCain have a real answer for the challenges we face, so what they’re going to try to do is make you scared of me,’’ Mr. Obama said Wednesday in Springfield, Mo., in remarks that he echoed throughout the day. “You know, he’s not patriotic enough. He’s got a funny name. You know, he doesn’t look like all those other Presidents on those dollar bills, you know. He’s risky. That’s essentially the argument they’re making.’’

So who made race the issue first? Certainly not the times with this progressive analogy:

The McCain campaign’s decision to make the charge now that Mr. Obama was playing the “race card” comes as it has adopted a far more aggressive, negative posture towards Mr. Obama in recent days, trying to tar him as arrogant, out of touch and unprepared for the presidency with a series of statements by Mr. McCain and a series of negative ads – some of which have been condemned as misleading.

Interesting. For more on that, let's turn to former presidential candidate (and all around friend to negroes everywhere) John Kerry:



What an interesting euphemism. Now, how to work tar baby into casual conversation myself...

iPhone 3g - The Lost Commercial

Kudos to Barry for finding this:

I'm Voting Republican

Watch the video to see why.



Thanks to Mike for passing this on.

kitties

while (!puppies) {

videoPlayer myNP = new videoPlayer();

myNP.playVideo("An Engineer's Guide to Cats")'

}

The basic necessities the cats need are food and also water. Fortunately, like most engineers, cats are pretty much willing to eat the same things day after day after day. But since we all know variety is the spice of life, it is good to try something different from time to time. "Mmm...good toast". For this reason, I occasionally offer my cats something that they seem to love even than life itself: tuna. "Tuna is pretty much like...cocaine...for kitties."

Memory Test

Remember The Visionaries?

Three suns align, pour forth his might
and fill the archer's might

The arrows turn, the swords rebel
May nothing pierce this mortal shell

Sheath these feet in the driving gail
make swift these legs, o'ver land I sail

And then the McDonald's Menu Song?

Big Mac, McDLT
Some Quarter Pounders with some cheese
Filet O Fish, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a Happy Meal

McNuggets, tasty golden fries, regular or larger size
A salad, chef or garden, or a Chicken Salad Oriental
Big, Big Breakfast, Egg McMuffin, hot-hotcakes and sausage
baby biscuit bacon egg and cheese a sausage danish, hash browns too

and for desset, hot apple pies, a sundae (three varieties)
a soft serve cone, three kinds of shakes, a chocolaty chip cookie
and to drink a coca-cola, diet coke, and orange, sprite too
and coffee, decafe too, a lowfat milk and also orange juice

i love mcdonalds, good time, great taste
and i get them all in one place

...

you want that to go?

::chortle::

Fuck, the Internet makes it difficult for me to show off my cranium sponge.

AIBO + April

Mike thinks that this invention is like a cross between my past Robot Dog and my future mammal pet:



I doubt it will eat my new furniture, so I'm going to pass for now.

Sex with (Patio) Furniture

No surprise, this is from Fox News:

(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

The police officer interviewed for this piece makes it worth watching:



I'm reminded of Weird Al's movie, UHF, where he interviews people about Sex with Furniture. Sadly, I could not find the clip on Youtube.

Liveblogging: Billiam Clinton @ Mason

Joey and Corey joined me in the Johnson Center at George Mason for Bill Clinton's pre-Potomac Primary rally for his cyborg proto-spouse.

8:53 - left class early for the 9:00pm "start". Wait, didn't Bill make 50 nations wait to get food at McDonald's?
8:58 - Billary's staff: HOMELY
9:08 - found a spot to watch, too bad 1,000 sociopathic Asians think it's Chinese New Year, but instead it's ADA and VIPs only
9:15 - speech from campus democrats about how awesome they are for organizing this awesome event in this not-so-awesome venue. The Patriot Center worked for the final four, but not so much for Clinton.
9:43 - somewhere, the 42nd President is loose, and fat coeds are not safe.
9:50 - **cheers** Blah blah Clinton.
9:56 - "my case for Hillary": cute face, chubby waist, thick legs in shape

9:58 - "signing up poor Hispanics to vote"
9:59 - dumb whore falls off chair she's standing on. crowd cheers.
10:00 - "blah blah" something about Israel

10:01 - "you may remember"...no you don't, you were 8 when it happened
10:02 - "you may think NY is a Democratic state"...
10:04 - "last year she passed the student loan blah blah bill"
10:05 - "mortgage meltdown, recession" -- unbelievable!
10:06 - "90 day mortgage review" -- keep the munthly on ma house. booyah!
10:09 - "raise your hand if you know someone without health care", "the only major nation in world without health care". we know, we can buy the congressional health plan. we know 15 million won't want it. they don't have to. PARETO PRINCIPLE!!! everybody must be covered.
10:15 - "we were poorest first family in 20th century", but the booty calls were amazing
10:17 - vote for Hillary. xoxo
10:18 - "number 2 education. free pre-k, death to no child left behind", even though my wife voted for it.

10:18 - how does NCLB work? MORE TESTS FOR EVERYONE!
10:19 - "our kids are smart". amazing considering facebook.
10:20 - "the tests are a wink and a nod", like my marriage. ;) save the music, arts, and other nerd activities. "we are not good at replicating excellence". "5 tests solve nothing", even though my starbucks franchise example makes no sense (they don't franchise).
10:23 - "make college accessible to all. raise pell grants raise hope scholarship. give young people more opportunities through americorps". direct lending.

10:25 - work in a clinic, loans repaid. AIDS pays. hooray.
10:26 - is it happy hour yet?
10:27 - who can we convince to cut their greenhouse gas? green collar high school dropouts. clean -- green -- snogans.
10:29 - bill [hearts] iphone price cuts.
10:30 - other countries hate us? but...but foreign policy?
10:31 - two new nukes for every boy...except iran. nah nah nah nah nah nah!
10:33 - iraq...yawn. it's hot and crowd is thinning. i need Billary pictures.
10:34 - oh dear, big girl panty line. gross.
10:35 - "suppose your neighbors house burned down", wait that doesn't work. let's discuss how used the military is right now. more marines in afghanistan, if i hd them to send.
10:36 - Hil 4 prez == America is BACK! I have a name for my new facebook group.
10:37 - wrapping up, yawn.

Where you at? ::chirp::

An hour ago, I packed my lunch for tomorrow:



and then this happened:



so I chirped back in time to tell my 5th grade self not to kiss Erin Whiting.

Lilly

I met Kim's puppy after my haircut today:




This calls for a video:



I am the only person I know without puppies. I must fix this.

Williamsburg, VA

Back when I was a Madrigal Singer in April of 1996, we performed at Bruton Parish Church in Colonial Williamsburg.



Since I couldn't get a hotel in NYC at the last minute I had not been there in years, I decided to spend Columbus Day Weekend there.

Friday

---

• Stayed at Crowne Plaza, which allows pets. Too bad I don't have a puppy.


• Dinner at The Trellis, one of the best meals I've ever eaten


• I sent text messages to all the former W&M alum I could think of to find out where the best night spot was in Williamsburg. Billy's answer: Paul's. Despite getting a Guinness in a plastic cup (and a single pour), this college bar provided lots of wonderful young flesh to gawk at.

Saturday

---

• Lunch at The Sportsman Grille. Service: D-, Food: D+


• Drank tasty Pumpkin Ale at The Tap House Grill At Ghent in Norfolk, VA


• Hooray bar-hopping trannies! Took photographs of Corey with said trannies

(Miss Angel on the left, Corey and his goatee in center, and Miss Diana on the right):


Sunday

---

• Breakfast at a random pancake house. Hit the spot.


• Went to Busch Gardens, which is running their Howl-o-Scream...whatever it is.



• While in line and being attacked from teenage werewolves, I see my new hero: Daddy Juice Pig:
  
  Daddy Juice Pig was there with his little (maybe 8 years old) son. Complete with b-acne and swollen forehead, he proved that it's never to early to show your children how important performance enhancing drugs can be.


• Dinner and drinks at Paul's (Yum!)

Monday

---

• Another pancake house breakfast


• Visited Jamestown, took pictures, and most-of-all: sweated. Everything there is basically a 100 year old recreation of its former, 400 year old self.

Restful, relaxing, and out of my system.

Tori Amos Improvises her Opinions on Celebrities

During the celebrity DUI binge of 2007, Tori Amos improvised a song at one of her concerts called "I'm Not Stupid":

Just a little chat
I need to have
When I was 21 do you think I had a bag of cocaine
in my car?

If I did - if I did
You’d never know it because it would have been hidden
I’m not stupid.
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute.
But stupid - I don’t know

Let’s just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things
Many, many, many naughty things
But I would have had a DRIVER!

‘Cuz I’m not stupid, no
I’m not stupid, no
Not THAT stupid anyway
‘Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)

But I haven’t been caught so far
and I am almost 44
44
And I’ve done many, many, many, many, many bad things

They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there’s no record or no fingerprints on it

‘Cuz I’m not stupid
‘Cuz I’m not stupid
No, not stupid!

Apparently, Ms. Spears inspired her to improvise another commentary at a concert this past Tuesday in Australia:

Listen Here

Britney, they set you up
But you drank from their cup
Britney, they set you up
Oh, but this is what it looks like, love,
This is what is looks like

When a star falls down
When a star falls down

Well, maybe you’re a mother
But you still need your mother
Yes, I may be a mother
But I still need a mother
To pick me up
Yes, to pick me up

When it all falls down
When it all falls down

Britney, they set you up
Is your contract winding up?
But you drank from the cup
Boy, this is what it looks like
Yes, I said, this is, this is what it looks like, Disney, yes

When a star falls down
When a star falls down

You may be a mother
Baby, you still need a mother
Yes, I may be a mother
But I still need a mother
To pick me up
Yes, to pick me up

When it all falls down
When it all falls down
When it all falls, all falls down
When it all falls down

Yesterday, I began a media blackout on all this Paris/Lindsey/Britney. I've decided that The Three Whores of the Apocolypse are wasting all my time.

It's just an ATM

Would someone please tell the Chevy Tahoe in front of me that you cannot h@x05 the Gibson from a Bank of America ATM?

You've had your 15 minutes, brother...give somebody else a chance.

The Problem with Bravo

In January of 1999, HBO brought us The Sopranos, an entirely new twist on the kind of mafia story America was used to. It took the media a while to catch on to the brilliance, and America's interest didn't peak until the third or fourth season.

HBO had decided to create original programming, and found itself a huge hit. How did they decide to follow it up? That's right, with 38 other shows about the Mafia.

...

::scratches head::

Sorry, that's not right. They created Sex and the City, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Six Feed Under, Mind of the Married Man (bomb!), Oz, The Wire, countless other movies, documentaries, and mini-series (though they'd been doing those for some time).

Changing the channel to Bravo, the picture is a little different. Back in 2003, they created a buzz with their new reality show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. They had been doing those lame (home/people) makeover shows for a while, but prior to Queer Eye, most people only thought of Bravo as that channel you skip over (along with the NASA Channel and the Golf Network) to get from TNT up to Cartoon Network.

Bravo, realizing that they were good at making reality shows continued down this path: Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Design, Shear Genius; reality shows...whose focus were the chosen careers of homosexuals.

You see, Bravo does not understand that they're in the business of creating reality shows, they think they're in the business of homosexual reality shows.

I started to come to this realization over the last cycle of Top Chef and Runway (my first season of either) when they were replaced with Top Design and then Shear Genius. I made it through 10 minutes of the first episode of Top Design when I realized it wasn't for me, and the commercials for Shear Genius were enough to keep me watching Law & Order reruns for months. I finally started watching Top Chef again about mid-way through the current season, and then Bravo finally gave me the big reveal on it's dastardly plan for total domination of gay reality television:

Welcome to the Parker



Which is set in Palm Springs, but they need to remind you or you'd think it was set in the Swiss Alps and staffed by strange Eastern European homos.

And Bravo's crown jewel, the gayest show on television: Flipping Out:



Two fudge-packing business partners flip houses in the Los Angeles suburbs. One of has three assistants, and made one take his cat to the acupuncturist...

Let that percolate for a moment...cat acupuncturist...

and in the most recent episode, it was decided that their current psychic, who cleanses their houses before they are put up for sale, isn't right for them. They interviewed and hired a new psychic, then they cleansed a house.

*&^%$#@!*&^%$#@!*&^%$#@!

My apologies to the entire gay community, because that is far more bizarre than gay, and these two fruits are so nutty that I doubt they'd be welcome at pride. Still, Bravo's commitment to the homosexual agenda of hygiene, cuisine, fashion, and now commerce cannot be ignored.

There is a Lewis Black skit about Rick Santorum and gay banditos:



It makes me wonder if the only place Bravo has to go from here is a reality show called Banditos: Two homosexicans wander from village to dell, don colorful robs and masks, sneak into the house of a young American family, and start fucking each other in the ass.

If Aliens are monitoring our television broadcasts, please spare us further shame and incinerate this worthless planet already.