Showing posts with label Virginia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Virginia. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Semi-Sweet Coming of Christ


Last Spring, we were excited to learn about The Chocolate Jesus, and to hear the argument between it's creator and the head of the Catholic League on Opie and Anthony.

Once again, Virginia is on the ball with this update:

NEW YORK - "My Sweet Lord," an anatomically correct milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ that infuriated Catholics before its April unveiling was canceled, returns Oct. 27 to a Chelsea art gallery, its creator said Tuesday.

[...]

The exhibit, at the Proposition Gallery in Manhattan, will be accompanied by a set of chocolate Catholic icons created by Cavallaro, a group that includes the Virgin Mary and saints Francis, Augustine, Michael, Jude, Anthony and Fermin.

"After the cancellation of the show, it got me to look into the Catholic religion a little deeper," Cavallero said. "I started thinking about the saints, how they were ostracized for their beliefs and then canonized."

Cavallaro's work features Christ with outstretched arms, as though hanging from an invisible cross. Unlike traditional religious depictions of Christ, Cavallaro's Jesus lacks a loincloth.

The sculpture is actually a new version of "My Sweet Lord," created with 200 pounds of chocolate over three days. The original was stored in a Brooklyn facility where mice nibbled away at its hands, ears, nose and feet, forcing Cavallaro to toss the original and recast the sculpture.

Oh my sweet, milk chocolate Jesus!

I'm saddened that the original was nibbled at by mice, but thrilled about his new, delicious entourage of sweet saints. If Walmart is carrying Jesus Action Figures, maybe Hersheys could work on an edible nativity scene to replace the nasty, chocolate Advent Calendar we're all sick of eating?

The idea of biting the Baby Jesus's head off on Christmas Morning...

!!!

xoxo

Friday, March 30, 2007

Chocoholic Muslims celebrate the life and times of Naked, Chocolate Jesus


From Yahoo! News:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - A life-size sculpture of a naked Jesus made out of chocolate has angered Roman Catholic leaders, and a Manhattan art gallery is reconsidering whether to exhibit it during the Easter season.
ADVERTISEMENT

The sculpture "My Sweet Lord" by Cosimo Cavallaro was to be exhibited for two hours each day next week in a street-level window of the Roger Smith Lab Gallery in Midtown Manhattan. It was set to open on Monday, days ahead of Good Friday when Christians mark the crucifixion of Jesus.


The Catholic League wants it gone.

Opie and Anthony wonder why he isn't made of white chocolate? Then called for their fans to steal his delicious, chocolate penis.



What irks me is that all the photos are of his chocolate backside. I want some full-frontal chocolate nudity, like I'm watching Oz.

Thanks to Virginia for sending the story.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Travel Advice

Virginia wrote this article for Yahoo travel:
Travelers' rule book: Behavior 101
Mon Dec 11, 7:42 PM ET

There are no formal requirements to buying an airplane ticket and boarding a plane, other than coming up with some cash and passing security. But maybe flying should be more of a privilege, with its own rule book.

Virginia Flores, a human resources and technical consultant to the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority, among other clients, flies every week for business and has come up with a comprehensive set of basic do's and don'ts for air passengers that I think is worth sharing. Its section titles suggest the almost kindergarten-like inability of some travelers to play well with others.

Everyone knows air travel is a lot less comfortable than it once was. The trick is how to learn to live with it. Here are Flores' suggestions:


Her suggestions are worth the read, since 776 people felt the need to comment.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Another fine evening with Virginia

I've known Virginia since early 2000 when I worked for AAAS. She was a consultant that we used, and we've become good friends over the years. She lives in Florida, but we try to get together every 6-8 weeks since she's on a long-term contract here in Northern Virginia.

With finals and everything else going on, I put tonight on the calendar almost two weeks ago to be sure we had dinner and caught up before the Chrismahanukwanzakah break.

In addition to dinner, Spawny (her nickname from her incessant SPAWNing out to another process on VMS) (1) wanted to do a little shopping for her Salvation Army adopt-a-family, and (2) a client of hers that we're both acquainted with had their Alpha VMS system go down hard on Monday morning.

I picked her up around 7:00pm, and she was still on the phone about the sick Alpha. The syntax for the command to restore the tape wasn't working, so she called in someone else while we were in the car to see what we were missing:



Saved by a Sharpee and a fast food napkin.

While we were shopping, I pulled a "George are you near a computer? Google this for me..." phone-a-friend to figure out another problem. Finally their backup started restoring.

We went shopping in Pentagon City, and I pulled into the mall on the Costco side. Always a bad move, and as we were waiting for pedestrians I may have yelled, "Now we have to wait for the gaggle of Asians who bought their 7,000 pack of paper towels MOVE!". Apparently Virginia thought that was funny, just another day in the hood for me. We did pretty well shopping, though I inform her that the Baby Jesus is confused why she uses her "Sale-finding Spinning Menorah" to get deals on Christmas gifts. She's like, "ahh...it's just my Mitzvah". She's so sweet, I have no idea why she hangs out with me.

I took her to the hotel to check in, and we went to Rock Bottom in Ballston for football, beer, and the Appetizer Sampler of Mass Destruction (which gets four stars for tasty-while-drunk).

Always good times with Virginia. =)

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Dating Season 2004 comes to a close

I had a conversation with Joey over the weekend about dating season, and we came to the conclusion that my 2006 Dating Season had never really started because my 2004 Dating Season was still in progress. Virginia and I discussed that notion last night over six or seven pints of Rock Bottom's finest microbrew, and she agreed.

With that, I hearby declare that the 2004 Dating Season is at an end, as is the 2005 season. Contest Alpha John is hearby DQ'ed for both years and forefits any national rankings.

With that, ladies and gentleman, please join me in welcoming the official (albeit late) opening of the Alpha John's 2006 Dating Season.



Perhaps I should start with my new friend:

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

My one nice post for the day

Blogger has been flaky for a few days, and when it came back up today I needed to catch up on all my crazy/negative news. I should close the day on a more positive note.

I'm off now to have dinner with Virginia Flores, my wonderful consultant friend from Florida who taught me almost everything I know about VMS and Ross (neither of which I use anymore) and whose company I enjoy immensely. Every goiam boy should have a nice Jewish woman to drink beer and kibitz with.

Something tells me that tonight is going to be much better than today was. :)

Personal Days

This past semester was probably one of the most difficult in my academic career. It's a sad statement -- I only took 5 credits, and how hard can Calculus II be the third time around? It wasn't difficult because of the material (fuck, a smart high school kid can ace this class), it wasn't difficult because of all the hours I had to put in, or the tutor I had to get. What made this semester so hard was to devote so much of my prescious time doing something I'm not good at, that I will never be good at, that only serves to wear away at my self esteem.

Whether I get the F I earned (how does one earn an F?) or my professor takes pity on me and pushes though a D, there is only a minor change in my academic course. Either situation is tollerable, but I've been waiting a week to find out which course I need to chart. If I had known in January that I didn't need this class, I would have taken a fluff class and enjoyed myself a whole lot more.

Whatever. The whole ordeal is over, before I can move on and return to the grind I need to rest. I'm done fool. Finished. Fried. There is no wick, there is no wax, there is no candle to burn at both ends.

With only a week and a half between Spring Semester and Summer Term, and my "annual trip to Europe" coffers drained from the pay cut that my new job affords me, my much deserved vacation will have to be confined to the greater Fairfax City metro area. That, and the meetings I can't miss on Tuesday and Thursday at work mean I can only have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

I decided to use my three remaining personal days to catch up on things and with people before it all starts over again on May 15th:

  • Stain the french doors

  • Powerwash and stain the deck (though I doubt there will be time)

  • Take the used oil the previous owners left to county hazardous waste

  • Refill both propane tanks for the grill

  • Finish the molding in the hall and master bedroom so the fucking carpet can be put down

  • Dinner with Virginia (been putting off since February)

  • Dentist Appointment

  • 30k Service on my car

  • Lunch with Lisa


Of course, some things snuck on the list: Paul van Dyk at Nation Thursday, the trunk on my car not closing (forcing the 30k service), and an interview on Wednesday for a job I really wasn't looking for or planning on.

My checklist is long, and this week is going to be insane, but my only hope is when it's all over I'll have a sense of being all caught up.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Let "the Vicar of Kid Touching" Kiss His Own Ring


For what I assume was my never-ending stream of questions, I was asked by the Bishop who confirmed me not to come back until my next sacrament (be it marriage or last rights). As such, my next statement might as well be “you can’t fire me, I quit”.

I am done with Catholicism, and the Catholic church has only itself to thank for pushing me away.

It's not about ritual, it's not about dogma, and it's not about priests who are kid touchers (though that is kind of hot). It has nothing to do with transubstantiation or the holy trinity or plenary indulgence.

I am sick of the pope, and I am especially tired of Benedict XVI.

I’ve been told before that I’m an old soul, and there are many reasons in the history of the papacy to despise the very concept of the Holy See. I don’t claim to have lived though The Western Schism (an outstanding time in history to find a better religion, like Zoroastrianism), but even if I did and remembered, the lunacy of my lifetime is enough to give up the vicar of Christ for good.

My crisis of faith was actually conceived during Catechism. For those of you intelligent enough to not be Catholic, you can’t just confirmed without about 10 years of Church School. You have to prove you know all your standard prayers (Hail Mary, Our Father, Apostles Creed, Act of Contrition, The Beatitudes), the four marks of the church (One, Holy, Catholic, Apostolic), the significance of transubstantiation, the holy trinity, but most importantly how the Catholic church is the only right and true way to worship, and everyone but the Catholics are going to hell.

[…]

"Wasn’t Jesus a Jew?" I asked.
"Yes." Replied Mrs. Poolan, the holiest Church School teacher who wore Nike Hiking Boots.
"So why would Jesus let his father send his people to hell?" I wondered.

There wasn’t really a response.

One day we were discussing homosexuality, which was an interesting topic since our church had a priest who was considered by everyone to be such a dynamic speaker and caring person, someone who made him or her want to go to church. "Look at all the outreach he did, the time he set aside to work with troubled teenage boys in his congregation." Do I need to tell you where this is going? Everyone was heart broken when Father Gary was suddenly called away to because he had been caught kid touching at our church and there was fresh meat someplace else for him to sample.

With all of that behind us, a different church school teacher (I had many, they could only take so much of me) was telling us how “Homosexuals can still be loved by God and go to heaven, provided they never act on their urges.”

: : scraches head : :

I certainly didn’t ask this at the time (I had some restraint), but I have always wondered: if God sends homos to hell, and a homo priest fellates a hetero teenage boy in his parish, does God just give the kid a mulligan?

Once I asked Mrs. Poolan, “Growing up in a world with teen pregnancy and AIDS, isn't it irresponsible for our church to prohibit the use of condoms?”. "No" she answered "you have abstinence".

Huh. Good one, though I much preferred the part where your daughter made you a grandmother before her 19th birthday, with no baby-daddy in sight. I guess abstinence didn't make her hole grow fonder.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

The Catholic Church is the most backward, regressive, irresponsible institution on Earth. Every time I think I’m overreacting and that I should give them a break, they smack me upside the head and prove me right again. Benedict issued his first encyclical, "Deus Caritas Est" (God is Love) yesterday:

MESSAGE FROM THE VATICAN: Pope: Loveless sex deceives
Benedict XVI delves into charity and relationships
January 26, 2006
BY NICOLE WINFIELD
ASSOCIATED PRESS

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict XVI wrote in his first encyclical Wednesday that sex without unconditional love risks turning men and women into merchandise.

I’m sorry, I have to stop for a second. Did a 78-year-old man who has not had sex for at least 54 years (or ever if he’s a "good" Catholic) just speak out against sport fucking? And on my birthday??

I am fully aware that the US is not the center of the known universe, so I’m not going to play the “50% divorce rate” card, but everywhere I’ve been outside the US also thinks that breeding (or the attempt at breeding) is a recreational activity.

Benedict’s 71 page paper explores the relationship between Eros (the love of a man and a woman) and agape (unconditional, self-giving love), which he feels are unified when a man marries a woman.

I’m all for pair bonding, I don’t have any problem with monogamy (it’s one of many lifestyle choices an adult can make), but the Catholics have this fetish for marriage that I just can’t buy into. As an old religion, they maintain their numbers through (1) marriage, (2) prohibition of birth control, and (3) instilling fear on Catholic parents that they are responsible for their child’s soul until the child is confirmed. Catholics make more Catholics through their inability to be abstenate and the guilt of the child not making it to confirmation, and the kid’s immortal soul being let down. Psychologically, it's not only the foundation of a very unhealthy relationship, but it makes for an awkward Thanksgiving dinner.

Remember, these are the find folks who brought you purgatory. Not only is there someplace potentially worse than hell, but if a little baby (who is “born with original sin”) isn’t baptized before (s)he dies, the little soul will float endless in purgatory for all time. That’s the hypocrisy I’ve come to know and love: I can’t have an abortion and end this innocent life that I helped conceive, but if I have the kid and it dies before baptism it’s little soul rots and never gets to know the wonders of Heaven. I’m surprised I’ve never heard that the souls of aborted fetuses float in purgatory, but then again I haven’t been in a church since my grandmother’s funeral six years ago.

Back to the madness:

"Eros, reduced to pure sex, has become a commodity, a mere thing to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself has become a commodity."

Wait…"has become"? What was Mary Magdalen? You’re telling me that sex hasn’t been bought and sold since the beginning of recorded history? (This is where I avoid a segue into discussing [Un]Intelligent Design).

"Those who practice charity in the church's name will never seek to impose the church's faith upon others"

Of course, he’s speaking about 2005, and has completely forgotten about the Catholic Church’s many attempts to take over the world. There is also a whole lot of discussion about charity coming from a man whose toothbrush is made of gold.

We were talking last night at dinner about the current state of America politics, and at what point the right wing is going to wakeup and say "my beliefs are intact, but our President needs to go". There was a comic I read the other day about testing that theory by telling people that Bush needed to kill their kitten, and would they let him.

Practicing Catholics are no better, allowing hypocrites to eschew dogma at them. It has reached a point where they’ve stopped thinking and just swallow the doctrine like a baby bird eating the vomit from momma bird’s mouth (hi Virginia).

The older I get, the more of a secular humanist I become. My crisis of faith sent me in search of another religion, and what I found was that I would never know peace by knowing Jesus. I’m sure that makes many people sad, and they’re going to pray for my soul. I appreciate that, but I hope your faith comforts you while the carbon cycle is making short work of you.