Friday, March 31, 2006


I have finally moved all of my banking over from Wachovia to Bank of America (except my White House Credit Union account). While Wachovia pissed me off several times in the six years I had them, all-in-all they weren't a hateful bank to use.

The honeymoon with B of A still hasn't worn off. The setup I have now is preferrable to what I had with Wachovia, so I'm happy.


Meredith: plus, im a girl - we overanalyze things to determine meaning.
theAlphaJohn: yes you do
theAlphaJohn: it's a vagina-related trait
Meredith: esp when out of left field. it totally is.
Meredith: we, of the vagina, like to know what it all *means*, for some inexplicable reason.
Meredith: i just wanted to know if he liked me or not or if i was making that part up.
theAlphaJohn: well, but you of the vagina think that how we men put the top back on the ketchup can fortell how we will treat you when we both retire and move to maui
Meredith: LOL. you mean it doesnt? crap....
theAlphaJohn: not so much

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Google Finance

I read last week on the Official Google Blog about Google Finance, Google's new market research tool that competes with Yahoo Finance.

The biggest difference between Yahoo and Google finance is Google's partnership with Hoovers to include market research on private companies as well as public companies. I was not aware of this, and I got a message this morning from someone to check out FELD's entry on Google Finance:

It would appear that Google's secret sauce has decided that my blog is an important piece of FELD market research. If they only knew the half of it.

The Circle of Cell Phone Service

I've had one or two cell phones and carriers in my day:
  • 1995 - NYNEX Mobile/Bell Atlantic-NYNEX Mobile/Bell Atlantic Mobile
  • 1996 - Cellular One
  • 1997-1999 - Hiatus
  • 2000 - Nextel
  • 2002 - AT&T Wireless
  • 2004 - T-Mobile
  • 2006 - Verizon

A funny pattern for a man who refuses to sign a two year contract.

After ongoing service problems with T-Mobile here in Fairfax City (though they rock in DC proper) I ordered a new Verizon phone and service through Amazon last night (they have, by far, the best deals going). It should be here before the weekend.

It should only take a month or two before I hate them. After all, I only worked there six weeks before I hated it.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Use your meal plan, buy a breakfast sandwich from Burger King, and throw it right in Diane Sawyer's botox-mummy face

The Chair of the Staff Senate sent out this email a few minutes ago:

Be on Good Morning America this Friday, March 31!

If there was ever a time Mason needed you it is now......

Good Morning America wants to do a piece from our campus on Friday morning!! I need students to be here to talk to them and show off our awesome spirit!

What does this mean?:
Be at the JC food court at 7:00am, March 31!!
Please, please, please, pass this on to your committees and anyone else you know.

It's the chance to be on national TV, talk on TV, and scream your spirited head off!

Alright, we passed campy a few miles back. We live 20 miles from Washington, DC. It's not like we're from third-world city like Sheboyan and have never seen a big-city TV news camera.

Monday, March 27, 2006

A Message from the Provost

Every Monday morning, George Mason staff and faculty receive a newsletter called "E-Files" that any department can post a message on. Sometimes we get notices as to maintence being done by facilities, constuction updates, happenings on campus, notices from HR and Payroll, etc. Today the first notice in E-Files came from none other than Peter Stearns, the Provost of George Mason:

A Message From the Provost

As you know, lots of our undergraduates had an exciting time yesterday in response to the basketball victory. Without in any way wishing to distort our priorities, I urge a bit of leniency in response to any absences from undergraduate classes today. Thanks for your understanding.

There goes our Banner upgrade, just wait and see.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Mason Makes the Final Four

After the Patriots beat U Conn 86 to 84 in overtime, I and a few other fair-weather fans joined the heros welcome at the Patriot Center this evening at 7:00pm.

A Text Message from the Patiot Center

I'm at the george mason heroes welcome and never has my life felt more like a disney movie than right now. This feels like a cross between 'remember the titans' and 'the mighty ducks'.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Concert :: The Prodigy

George, Kristin, and I (the WTX/STi trifecta) went to an all-ages concert at Nation last night with Adam Freeland and The Prodigy.

Thursday nights at Nation are typically reserved for Alchemy, which is the Goth/Industrial night. In addition to "normal" concert goers, one was treated to people in floor-length cloaks, goggles, gas masks, mohawks, pointy hair, lots of leather and fishnets, and a variety of men who didn't look so hot in women's clothes.

For example, this young man (about 18 years old and probably 6'2" 150lbs) decided to dress like a young blind girl who went shopping at H&M. Pink and yellow neon tank tops, fishnets, and a hideous skirt:

After Fluffer DJ #1 and Fluffer DJ #2 shat out their version of "I don't need no stinking lessons...I'm a DJ" we were greeted by the musical stylings of Adam Freeland:

If you gave your Technics 1200 an allowance and it shopped at Hot Topic, it would be spinning something identical to what Freeland does. It was an hour of Bitch must have done a slow down and dropped the beat five times.

The place was packed though, and everybody was there to hear "Voodoo People", "Smack My Bitch Up", and "Fire Starter", including the group of 16 year olds we ended up moshing with (the pit literally formed around us).

That, and a little diner food from Metro 29 makes for a perfect Thursday night in my book.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I am so fucking tired

I slept in, so I was at the gym working out by 8:00am. I rushed through my workout so I could in the office by 9:00am.

I had a chiro appointment at noon, which meant I had to leave about 11:50am to make that (and found out I'm only going 3x/week now). I ran home quick for lunch and was back at the office for worthless Wednesdays at 1:15pm.

I spent every second this afternoon working on getting Reports working with Portal (except for the minutes I spent bitching about it on my blog). I made quite a bit of progess, but worked until 6:20pm when I was planning to leave a little after 5:00pm.

Ran home, got my stuff, ran to the pool for the first workout of the new Wednesday session. Apparently they've moved the time up *again* which irritates me. 7:50pm became 7:10pm which is now 7:00pm. Had a horrible 12 minute swim, finished with a headache, swam a poor workout after (my shoulder is killing me), was out of the hottub and in the shower at 8:15pm.

Ran and got some food, ran to the ATM, then met my crasian tutor at 9:00pm for an hour of hateful Calculus (that somehow became 90 minutes) followed by his party trick: "tell me your birthday and I'll tell you what day of the week you were born on". Apparently this is how he talks to girls.

Now I'm finally home. Me and my ice pack are going to watch an hour of Roswell and call it a night. Tomorrow after Calc class is the Prodigy concert. wh00t!

The Reporting Portal of Mass Destruction

I've been here since the second week of October, and I was brought in primarily to bring up the "Reporting Portal". 

Since October, the "Reporting Portal" concept has taken many forms:
  • Luminis Portal (which has been live since January)
  • Oracle Portal
  • Something I would custom write
  • An authentic town crier, complete with drinking problem and faux colonial accent
  • A pony, draped in the finest financial statements
  • LOOP (start at the beginning, work back down the list)

I was dragged into a meeting about four weeks ago about "Oracle Reports" (as opposed to Oracle Discoverer or Cognos), which the Portal was not intended for and I know nothing about. I sat in the meeting, didn't know why I was there, and was told when I left the meeting "oh I guess we didn't need you here."

Can you see where this is going?

Two weeks ago, people starting asking me questions about Oracle Reports (five weeks ago I didn't know Oracle had a product called "Reports") and Perl (which was used to write out front-end to 6i Reports four years ago). 

The rest of the details are boring, but here's the good news: I found out at 11:00am this morning I have 36 hours to make Oracle reports work inside Oracle Portal, lest our Banner 7 upgrade be cancelled and we're all shot out of a cannon.

Figuratively, of course. You work for the circus for three years, and suddenly you have to qualify that fucking analogy.

Of Predators and Puppets

I was listening to Opie & Anthony this morning while I was getting dressed, and they were discussing the new Dateline: To Catch a Sex Predator special they did. One gentleman they caught (who was in his late 40s) explained that he has a book that is "father/son" and "grandfather/son" erotica, but didn't mention the name of it.

Jim Norton jumped right on it, "Way to omit the book title, asshole. What's it called, 'Men are from Mars, kids are from Sesame Street'?"

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Goodbye Topica

Long overdue.

Nation to close July 16, 2006

This is the saddest news ever. The original is here.

NATION Nightclub is closing on July 16th 2006.
The increasing real estate development and looming baseball stadium construction has forced one of Washington DC’s largest and well known nightclubs to close its doors for good on Sunday, July 16th of this year. Nation nightclub, located on Capitol Hill near the Navy Yard, will be torn down to make way for a new, mixed use office building.

Nation was carved out of the former Hurley Boiler building, originally built in 1924, and takes up the block between K and L and Half and South Capitol streets. John Boyle, nightlife entrepreneur and son of Jack Boyle, founder of Cellar Door productions, designed Nation and first opened its doors in 1999. John envisioned a mixed use facility that would feature national acts on the main stage and host DJ driven dance parties featuring the top national and international DJ talent on a weekly basis. His vision came to fruition thanks in large part to a loyal dedicated staff, many of whom have been with Nation since the beginning.

Nation is recognized locally for the wide variety of concert events it has hosted over the years. Acts such as Eminem, Prince, Social Distortion, 311, VNV Nation, Limp Bizkit, the Violent Femmes, Big & Rich, James Brown, Creed, Snoop Dogg, David Bowie, Coal Chamber, NOFX, Lenny Kravitz, Slayer, Jay Z, Bad Religion, Soul-Fly, Dropkick Murphy’s and Ozzy Osborne have all graced the main stage at Nation.
Nation is also recognized on a national and even international level for its three weekly DJ and theme driven nightclub parties.

Fridays play host to Cubik, formerly Buzz, originally the brainchild of Scott Henry and Lieven DeGeyndt and operated now by Henry of Buzzlife Productions. Cubik hosts the world’s top electronic house, and techno djs such as Paul Oakenfold, Tiesto, Sasha and Digweed, and Paul Van Dyk as well as live acts like Rabbit in the Moon and The Prodigy. It was named the country’s top event of its kind numerous times by international publications such as Urb and BPM.

Saturdays play host to Velvetnation, a gay dance event, created and operated by John Guggenmos and Ed Bailey. The event is respected worldwide as one of the top events of its kind in the US. For many years it has hosted circuit event djs and talents such as Junior Vasquez, Abel Aguilera, Victor Calderone, The Pet Shop Boys, KD Lang, and The Village People. It is also known for its innovative theme events such as Madonnarama, a night of all Madonna music and video, which draws the clubs largest crowds annually.

Thursday nights have been home to Alchemy, one of the country's largest weekly parties catering to the darker realm of club land. Tony Tribby led a team that created Alchemy and used Nation's multi-room layout to combine music ranging from industrial, ebm, goth, 80's, punk, electro-clash, trance, alternative
and indie into a package with a Goth esthetic. Alchemy has also introduced DC to the live shows of top electronic acts VNV Nation, Icon of Coil, Hocico, Terrorfakt, and presented classic acts including Siouxsie and the Banshees, Pigface, Laibach and Juno Reactor.

While Nation will disappear, the owners and promoters will not. The owners are actively scouting locations for a new club to help fill some of the void that will be felt by Nation closing. The promoters have been approached by other notable DC clubs hoping to host their parties.

There is a very highly charged final schedule planned for the last few months as each night has booked the biggest talent available to send the club out on a high note. For final schedule details visit for concert information, for Thursday nights, for Friday nights and for Saturday nights.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Authentic Colonial Living

Susann: i saw your blog post. went to school in the burg, if you need any recommendations on fun things to do/places to stay
theAlphaJohn: i knew that actually
theAlphaJohn: i thought you might enjoy a trip to BG
Susann: i hate amusement parks
Susann: im a scaredy cat
Susann: but theres lots of fun stuff in burg
theAlphaJohn: like...?
Susann: the greenleafe
Susann: chownings
Susann: its a fun fun tavern
Susann: there's gambling and beer drinking
Susann: in a colonial way
theAlphaJohn: nice
Susann: and you have to eat bread ends and house at the cheese shoppe
theAlphaJohn: you should plan your trip to coincide with mine, i want to do fun stuff like that
theAlphaJohn: plus ride davinci's cradle
Susann: and go to the biergarten at BG
Susann: stay at the hospitality house
Susann: or the williamsburg lodge
theAlphaJohn: can i nail an authentic colonial skank?
Susann: probably at chownings
theAlphaJohn: what do they smell like?
theAlphaJohn: wash water?
theAlphaJohn: flint?
theAlphaJohn: horse and buggy?
Susann: hay

Mason Makes Sweet 16 after UNC Upset

I'll let WTOP do all the talking:

DAYTON, Ohio - Michigan State? Gone. Defending national champion North Carolina? Gone, too.
Any more questions about whether George Mason belongs in the NCAA tournament?

Didn't think so.

The upstart Patriots turned Carolina a whole different shade of blue Sunday, knocking the third-seeded Tar Heels out with a 65-60 victory that set up a mid-major matchup in the round of 16.

George Mason (25-7) will play Wichita State on Friday in the Washington Regional semifinals, pitting the Colonial Athletic Association against the Missouri Valley's regular-season champion. The Patriots won 70-67 at Wichita State last month.


This one has everything it takes to play with the big boys. That was coach Jim Larranaga's message to his green-uniformed team before the opening tip.

"The last comment I made to them was, 'What color is kryptonite?"' Larranaga said. "They said, 'Green.' I said, 'Look at your jerseys. You have everything you need to win this game."'

Today is the first day back to classes after Spring Break, and I can tell you that no one is learning anything. They might as well declare it some kind of holiday.

The only thing that's bad about this, and maybe all this press with straighten this out, is that our Mascot Gunston is creepy:

He's some kind of green reject Muppet creation. I have no idea.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Upcoming Events

Shout in the comments if you're interested in joining.


  • March 23rd at Nation Prodigy with Adam Freeland





  • White Water Rafting

Events that become official will get their own sickning evite.

My bike rack will be on the car this weekend, and my bike goes to REI tomorrow for a tune-up. I would like to start riding regularly on Saturday afternoons (4:00pm or so) possibly as early as next weekend.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Stern admits to sabotaging Opie & Anthony

On Tuesday of this week, Howard Stern admitted on Sean Hannity's radio program that he did in fact have Mel Karmazin gag O&A from mentioning him at all on their WNEW show. When Howard was asked how this related to his position on censorship and freedom of speech, he responded: "That's right. I believe in censoring anyone who is my enemy." He also added, "I believe in censorship when it benefits me."

Friday Morning Quarterback, a website for radio industry news, published this article yesterday which covered both the Stern interview by Hannity on Tuesday as well as Hannity's appearance on Opie & Anthony Wednesday:

Hannity, appearing on O&A's program this morning discussing the Stern interview, tried to say Stern deserved credit for not dodging the subject, but O&A immediately cut him off, pointing out that this is the first time in the 5+ years that Stern has admitted to his behind-the-scenes wrangling. They also pointed out that the issue went beyond O&A not mentioning Stern on their program and included guests being blocked from appearing on their show. One CBS Radio insider told FMQB that, at the time, then-K-Rock PD Steve Kingston would block music artists from appearing on O&A's program, a statement verified by a couple anonymous record reps. "There was an admission that they were telling people not to appear on our show," explained Anthony.

Back to current day, O&A and their "Pests" have been wreaking havoc with portions of Stern's Sirius Satellite Radio channels. Recently, Scott Ferrell's test run on Sirius was derailed by O&A's fan base as they inundated and controlled the phone lines making it impossible for Ferrell to get a caller on the air that wasn't a fan of O&A.

O&A have also been pointing out what they call more hypocrisy by Stern for taking off certain Fridays, playing audio of Stern, Robin Quivers and Artie Lange discussing why it is important to be in the studio five days a week. "If you are not there on Fridays, then you are doing a disservice to your audience," says Stern in the audio clip. "If you are going to do this job, then you show up every day and give it your best."

The O&A Pests also got written up in this article. Howard even gave them air time after pulling Scott Farrell off the air when the Pests sabotaged his radio show.

If only Howard Stern had been on the plane that crashed into the 14th Street bridge, we wouldn't have to endure this sad ending to his career.

W is a fist-fucking asshat

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I hope he chokes on another pretzel.

In yet another attempt to bankrupt our nation and prove he's a more fiscally irresponsible douche-bag than that rotten corpse Ronald Reagan, our fake president is trying to raise the debt ceiling.


The Senate, on a 52-48 vote, sent to President Bush a bill raising the ceiling on the national debt to nearly $9 trillion and preventing a first-ever default on U.S. Treasury notes. When the government reaches the new ceiling, expected sometime next year, the debt will represent $30,000 for every man, woman and child in the United States.


The debt limit increase is an unhappy necessity - the alternative would be a disastrous first-ever default on U.S. obligations - that greatly overshadowed a mostly symbolic, weeklong debate on the GOP's budget resolution.


"When it comes to deficits, this president owns all the records," said Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev. "The three largest deficits in our nation's history have all occurred under this administration's watch."


Senate Finance Committee Chairman Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, said Bush's tax cuts account for just 30 percent of the debt limit increases required during his presidency. Revenue losses from a recession and new spending to combat terrorism and for the war in Iraq are also responsible, he said.


$234 BILLION dollars is still a nice chunk of change you dummy. How hood-rich can one retard from Texas possibly be? "I've already maxed out my credit cards, but I still have $100 in savings bonds, instead of paying down my debt why don't I just go out to a nice dinner?"

Please, please trip running one day and crack your skull open in a puddle of Cancer, you shiftless cunt.

This is (not) Spinal Tap

I never give up anything for Lent, I usually use it as a time for self-improvement. I either take up something new, or I try some kind of positive behavior modification.

I decided that this year Jesax wanted me to get my back straightened out by returning to the chiropractor and getting a massage every week. Over the past six months, the move I've worked out the more my back has bothered me.

After 10 years on hiatus, I made my triumphant return to the chiropractor this morning. It appears that I have four vertebrae that are out of alignment. He did an exam, took some x-rays, and wants me to come back tomorrow to go over the x-rays and get adjusted.

Hopefully I'll just need a handful of visits to get everything back in order and then go every 3-4 months to keep it that way. Now I just need to book my massage...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

If the IM window's a knockin'...

You know, for someone who carries on that his VCR is always blinking midnight, he figured out G-Mail notifier pretty quick.

Red-state Cars and Blue-state Cowboys

CNN Money is running this article about the Theatre Owners Preview of Pixar's Cars:

LAS VEGAS (Reuters) - Movie theater owners gave an enthusiastic reception to Pixar Animation Studios Inc.'s film "Cars" at its first public screening at a Las Vegas trade show late Tuesday.
Expectations are high for the movie since Pixar (up $0.32 to $65.92, Research), which has agreed to be bought by Walt Disney Co. (up $0.16 to $28.82, Research), has an unbroken series of hits and makes films at the pace of about one a year.


Another attendee, who asked not to be named, described the film's race-car-themed story line and folksy soundtrack, featuring songs by Sheryl Crow and Brad Paisley, as "the perfect antidote to (gay cowboy movie) 'Brokeback Mountain"' for more conservative red-state audiences.

I find "antidote" to be an interesting word. Apparently the Blue-states have somehow poisoned liberal Hollywood into making a left-leaning moving that greedy Jewish theatre owners across America chose to run because people wanted to see it.

What we need is for Walmart to open theatres inside their stores for families who believe in wholesome American values to come watch Bambi and anything Arnold was in.

Come to think of it, Walmart is going to sell the morning-after pill after all, and Jesus wouldn't like that. Perhaps a cartoon about an up-and-coming race car who becomes trapped in a ghost town is what the Red-states need (that, and medicine for their rickets).

I hate George for getting me addicted to!

last has a client that you run with your music player that sends their website the songs you're listening to. That data is then aggregated and you can see statistics about what you're listening to, who else is listening to it, send "shout outs" to people, and other MySpace-like queerness.

So if you're curious what I'm listening to, you can click here.

Freedom of Information Act

I decided today to make a FOIA and Privacy Act request to the FBI for my files. I've been thinking about this for a couple weeks since we skiied with George's friend who failed his field clearance and did the same thing.

I'm sure whatever the Bureau has on me is at least good for a laugh (or some kind of redacting-related blindness).

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

In the immortal words of Jim Norton

"I want to hug a cute dog."

Petfinder Search

Humane Society for Campbell County
Rustburg, VA
Chesapeake Bay Retriever

Name: Jen
Size: Large
Age: Baby
Sex: Female
ID: 20234

Notes: See Jen's Homepage
Go to our official website

You can fill out an adoption application online after registering on our official website.

Very sweet, very good natured. Jen would be an excellent choice for a family with little children at home. She is currently in foster care with one of our best foster moms; she is completely housetrained, is good with toddlers and cats, and has great social skills with other dogs, too. She knows what a crate is for, and is happy in one if needed. Jen willl be a good dog for a quiet home, but she will soon learn to enjoy a rousing game of tennis ball, too.

This pet is up to date with routine shots.
This pet is already house trained.
This pet has been altered.

An adorable little nerd-dog who has her own website, just what my OCD needs.

Monday, March 13, 2006

My arms are sticking to my desk

Global Warming should have called to warn me this morning. Asshole.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Eric Morillo - Break Down the Doors

Enter the darkness
the beats marchin in
The lightning now begins
Don't ask what's happen
This is the start of somethin

It's gonna break down the doors
It's gonna break down the floors
This new thing is mine and yours
But what is it?

It's gonna break down the doors
It's gonna break down the doors
It's gonna break down the doors
Gonna-gonna break down the doors

Searchin for something
But I'm not quite sure
now that hs here I'm a bore
Startin to wonder what the whole worlds for?
Now I'm in the game I'm gonna score
Push it up, push it up
Turn it up, turn it up

Enter the darkness
the beats marchin in
The lightning now begins
Don't ask what's happen
This is the start of somethin

It's gonna break down the doors
It's gonna break down the floors
This new thing is mine and yours
But what is it?

It's the vibe, it's the sound
It's everything around
It's your love for life, can you stand it?
It ain't gonna happen again, dag nabit

Look to the skyline
To push out your fears
The fine line now appears
'Cause it could take years and years
Or it could take days and days
It depends on the game you play
It depends on the names you say
At the end of the day we all want the same
Light the flame

Light the flame

It's gonna break down the doors...

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Wondering [via Text Message]

How proud is the mother of the girl wearing a 'Your boyfriend snores' tee shirt?


How proud would my dad be if I kicked her skank-ass out of bed the next morning?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Dog Tags

If you're in the military and you're wearing them, either you just finished "maneuvers" and forgot to take them off or you're showing off.

If you're not in the military and you're wearing real dog tags, you're either a wanna be, you're fronting to get laid, or you're just a gi-normous tool.

If you're not in the military and you're wearing dog tags with a Nike Swish where your biographical information should be, I have no doubt that your kid-touching ass will enjoy prison rape.

Who wears fake dog tags with a Nike Swish on them? I am epithet-less.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Gaining Ground in the War on MySpace

Montgomery County, MD has finally apologized for the smoking ban (when I was still a smoker) by banning MySpace in schools:

No R-rated movies, and now no access to MySpace? What fun is going to public school in Montgomery County these days? NBC 4 is reporting that MoCo school officials have decided to ban access to the popular online social networking site from school computers, having expressed concern over students' use of the widely used site to publish private information that can be used against them or against others by online predators. Critics call the move an invasion of privacy.

Fuck the critics, I call this the most intelligent thing a county government has ever done. If it wasn't in Maryland, I'd already be packing to move from my overpriced-house-in-va to my ridiculously-overpriced-house-in-md.

That's right princess, add this to your top 8:

Dashboard Blogging

I wouldn't go so far as to say that Dashboard in Mac OS 10.4 has changed my life, but it's cool to have my bills up in the browser window and use the calculator in there to add things up (since you can see what's behind the Dashboard while you're in it).

Google just released Widgets for Dashboard that include Blogger, Gmail, and Search History. As you can see from the screen shot, I installed the Blogger and Gmail widgets and decided to give them a try.

Neither widget is what I'd call full-featured.

The Blogger one only lets you post (no other management features), doesn't let you insert pictures, and the window grows with the text and doesn't scroll (which is annoying) but for a quick post it's cool.

The Gmail one only lets you see new messages, otherwise you have to click the button and head over to the browser to see what's in your inbox.

Not a bad first attempt, but definately still beta.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

What a bunch of goose shit

I could not invent this email:
Subject: Mason E-Files Alert
Date: Wed, 08 Mar 2006 14:41:16 -0500

Canadian Geese Management Program Begins

Over the past several months the Canadian geese population at George Mason's Fairfax campus has increased dramatically. The result has been a greater health risk for the university community and increasing traffic problems. As a result, Mason has secured the services of Windchazer, Inc., a Virginia-based firm that specializes in geese management and in helping organizations deal with this type of situation.

Beginning Friday, March 10, faculty, staff and students can expect to see the beginning of a process that could ultimately take a full year to rid the campus of the geese. Windchazer is bringing in a team of border collies trained to chase the birds off campus in a way that is not harmful. The dogs will be brought back to campus in the days, weeks and months to come until the geese population has been removed.

The university and Windchazer are working closely with animal rights organizations to ensure the safety of the birds and dogs in this effort.

My employer retained a Geese Consulting Firm. Great. I would do this for free.

My former employer (Feld Entertainment, Inc.), if faced with the same problem, would have nailed a horn to each Goose's head and toured "the Amazing Gaggle of Goose-a-corns!" and had Sears sponsor it.

Worthless Wednesdays

theAlphaJohn: i have a wonderful idea
theAlphaJohn: why don't we get 20 IT people to sit in a room for an hour and discuss how we think the university should do business
theAlphaJohn: and then we can decide not to include the people who have the most information about this problem because we don't like them
Kirsten: too funny
Kirsten: i think we already just did that ...
theAlphaJohn: shit!!!
theAlphaJohn: who stole my idea??
Kirsten: rofl
theAlphaJohn: Bobby P and I are BFF now
Kirsten: too funny...i noticed that
theAlphaJohn: we have charms
Kirsten: rofl
theAlphaJohn: mine says "CMDB" for change mgt db and his says "CRB" for change review board
theAlphaJohn: it's a little database, but broken in half
theAlphaJohn: very masculine
Kirsten: lmao

The Obituary for the Human Race

I really, really dislike Massively Multiplayer Online Games (MMOGs). Yes this is a free country, yes you have the right to choose your form of recreation (unless it's on The DEA's schedule), but I also have the right to abhor your form of recreation and lobby against it.

I want MMOGs on DEA Schedule 1, it's out of control.

Slashdot posted a question to Ask Slashdot about the ethics of buying gold (not the prescious metal, but the virtual prescious metal in the fictional game world). Stupid as the question was, some of the answers make me want to schedule a pogrom:

Damn right he is stupid. This guy just sent $60 of his money to the same people who are responsible for his skins being worthless in AH. That is the problem with gold farming, it makes gathering skills worthless by having two seperate effects, first the raw materials are oversupplied so they sell very cheaply affecting people like this guy who can no longer earn any reasonable amount through skinning, secondly they artificially inflate the prices of items by giving plenty gold to clueless nabs who throw it around like theres no tomorrow. Pity this dude was too dumb to realise that he is basically rewarding the people who created his problem.

I'm sorry, are we discussing the value of manual labor in a fictional world? Is there a new kind of Virtual Calculus to find the rate of change of the fictional market-forces, or does the Calculus we have work in Weirdo Universe??

You appear to be thinking that people buying gold won't spend that gold on raw materials in order to raise their profession skills. At level 42 in WoW, I decided to learn cooking. It took me a great deal of cash to get all the materials to level my cooking skill up, but I got to 250/300 in about two evenings. Now, I used a great deal of my own cash to do that. But, I could have just as easily gone out and bought gold farmer cash to do it as well.

Even so, you can't both blame inflation and deflation on the same group of people. That seriously makes no sense.

The fact is that you have no idea how these gold farmers are making money. The likely thing is they're using multiple means of getting gold. Sure, they could be overfarming, driving down the price. The problem with that though is once the prices are down, they make no money from overfarming. So, like everyone else, it is in their best interest not to overfarm. Further, economies on servers tend to improve over time as players level up. That would suggest that a bad economy has nothing to do with gold farmers and everything to do with the number of higher-level players overall.

I swear to Ford, you don't hear debate like this in 300 level Economic classes, but nerds on the internet are discussing the economics and market forces of a fictional economy. This isn't me playing Sim City and being like "my city is broke" or simple supply and demand, this is just sad.

Why is it sad? These people have been waiting for a chance to discuss this. They had to:

  • Play this game

  • Learn the rules

  • Develop morals, values, and ethics around this fictional world

  • Reach a proficiency to be able to debate the morals, values, and ethics of this fictional world

All when they should have been:

  • Taking a shower

  • Going on a date

  • Not calling in sick to work

  • Being a participating member of society, perhaps as a meth addict

This Slashdot post is 26 hours old as I blog, and 448 people have taken time out of their day to comment on the exchange of real money (which, admittedly, is an abstract itself) for fake online multiplayer bucks.

These people need interventions. These people need rehab. MMOGs need to be schedule one drugs and policed by the FDA. That will give those 'tards in ONDCP something to wage war on.

Google Video has more on this here.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Again with the insanely fast downloads

I was downloading CD 1 and 2 for 10G Application Server from Oracle this morning, and each download was coming in at over 3200KB per second. That's 6 megabytes (not megabits) per second!

Our Internet connection at work is so hood rich.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Saturday, March 04, 2006

If Calculus was an STD, and you were infected...

I still wouldn't suck your dick, you crazed Fox News fembot.

Friday, March 03, 2006

I've got nothing

It has not been a good week, I'm glad it's finally over. I think I'll stress test my liver this weekend.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

What this nation needs is a(nother) Secret Police Force

For what you ask?

To put an end to Karaoke once and for all.

If you know me, there's no doubt that you know how I feel about the intersection of King and West Street in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia. Long before Manassas and Woodbridge discovered that "GW's" was no longer a country bar, I had already lived in the house that the Rock-It Grill built (and broke). The Washington Post calls our old haunt, "lowbrow and proud of it". I prefer to think of it as an incubation chamber for the CDC's sexually transmitted disease laboratory.

The line, however, has been crossed. It's time to burn that dump to the ground. American Idol, a show I dislike with the red-hot passion of a thousand suns, actually had a former Rock-It alum (Fat Ho Marry) make it to the early tryouts before the rubbing of her thighs against her windpants drove the judges (not the celeb ones, the faux ones) to return her to the curb from whence she came. Her loss is our gain, because invariably she'd be there on Friday night with her ego and the place would be over fire code.

For the record, what finally pushed this over the line is an article on MSNBC by Craig Berman:

Kinnik Sky followed with Gretchen Wilson’s “Here for the Party,” and while the song was fun and the performance was entertaining, it felt more like karaoke night at the Rock-It Grill than a future star’s breakout performance.

: : rubs eyes : :

Hello obscure local reference.

Hi Craig, are you with me? Do you think the rest of the United States (whom, you hope, will read your horse-shit writeup about this Nielsen-fluffy piece of plastic Americana) is going to know WHAT THE FUCK THE ROCK-IT GRILL IS???

Do you think fat sluts in Sheboygan are text messaging each other about how drunk Gary was last night, and what little Laura said to them when their credit card wouldn't go through? Do you really think that water coolers all over Los Angeles are a buzz right now with what slut went home with what dirty pool player?

Is that what you think Craig? Is it?

Keep thinking it, because the Intellegencia will be by this afternoon to settle this matter, you talentless oxygen-thief.