My "When I finally meet the Microsoft Word Development Team" to-do list

1.) Buy a 50 gallon drum full of Cancer on eBay
2.) Tell TSA when getting on the plane that it's really 50 gallons of personal lubricant (cause my gears squeak like a rusty hinge)
3.) Drench each and every motherfucker who every wrote or revised a single line of code for this useless application in delicious, thirst-quenching, butt-cancer.

I mean, have these fuckers ever tried to format a multi-level bulleted list in Word? Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't god-damned Office 95, you faggots have had 11 cunt-punching years to make this work.

Some serious bullshit right here. Ass cancer for each and every one of you, your children, and the Starbucks employee who makes your day a little brighter. There's nothing wrong with your Q/A skills that a scalding gallon of free cappuccino in your useless eyes couldn't fix.

My ideas for the next Woot-off

Those of you who know me are familiar with my penchant for streams of consciousness. Many times when chatting me, it's like chatting with a poorly written AI-bot (I have canned dumb answers for even stupider questions like "What's up?"). To make up for that, I like to reserve the tiny thinking part of my brain for those times when I can throw everything in the mental wash with a big cup of bleach and wash on hot until everything turns pink.

Barry sent me this article about Anne Coulter blasting 9-11 widows right before Mike IMed me about a Woot-off:

Mike: Woot-Off !!!
theAlphaJohn: christ
theAlphaJohn: is there a vial of AIDS on there? I want to throw it in Anne Coulter's face
theAlphaJohn: or maybe a bucket of cancer
Mike: you'll have to stand in line.
Mike: what a bitch
theAlphaJohn: i'd like to throw a water balloon full of herpes on her stupid gash
theAlphaJohn: not that it would matter, no one is sticking their dick in that mess
Mike: lol. for sure.
Mike: actually, I think she has a dick.
Mike: albeit a little tiny one.
theAlphaJohn: what are you buying me on the woot-off?
Mike: already got you a couple of really neat electric air fresheners.
theAlphaJohn: :/
Mike: lol
theAlphaJohn: why arent there Real Dolls on there?
theAlphaJohn: or child-killing robots?
theAlphaJohn: or trannies?
theAlphaJohn: something i can use, or at least be entertained by?
Mike: your interests must lie outside the general public's interests. Imagine that.
theAlphaJohn: i doubt it
theAlphaJohn: i'm zero sigma from the mean
theAlphaJohn: which means i am the mean
Mike: I'll have to check that.
theAlphaJohn: and, ironically, i'm just plain mean
Mike: now there's something that makes sense.