Thursday, December 07, 2006

I'm the Dr. Phil of my generation

I had lunch today with the FELD crew, and my...questionable...relationship advice was brought up. As always, Jason referred to the 2:15 Tony incident. I was discussing the whole thing with Sazara this afternoon:

theAlphaJohn: i went to lunch with old coworkers today, and they were making fun of all the (bad) relationship advice that i give
Sazara: LOL
theAlphaJohn: one asked what other advice i could give, and i said "christine, you've know me how long? you know i think i know everything, so whatever you need advice on i've got it"
Sazara: so who's on your bad side now that you made them go back into some abusive relationship lol
theAlphaJohn: oh they're never abusive
Sazara: lol good!
theAlphaJohn: basically one of my friends does something wrong and gets in trouble (often because of me), so i advise them on how to fix their mistake
theAlphaJohn: which, if they followed my advice, would just make it worse
Sazara: what a humble man to admit his wrongs lol
theAlphaJohn: i am that guy that no woman wants her man to be friends with
Sazara: my poor cheeks are killing me lol
theAlphaJohn: we were remembering a time when a guy i worked with who was married lied to his wife. he said he had to work late so we could lock ourselves in a conference room with a 12 pack and play cards
theAlphaJohn: so he got caught and she was like "don't come home"
Sazara: LOL
theAlphaJohn: at that point i was like "you're already in trouble, let's go to a bar..."
theAlphaJohn: so finally at 2:15 am on a wed night he goes home (hence his nickname, 2:15 tony"
Sazara: LOL
theAlphaJohn: and i had some...creative advice on how to fix the situation
Sazara: LOL
theAlphaJohn: he was smart enough to cut his losses and grovel
Sazara: what was it?
theAlphaJohn: well at lunch one of my co-conspitators was trying to get me to share the advice in mixed company. i refused
theAlphaJohn: if the FCC won't let me say it on tv or radio...
Sazara: lollllllllllllllllllll
Sazara: smart man!
theAlphaJohn: in reality, of all the things we could have been doing...playing cards in a conference room at the office is so innocent
theAlphaJohn: but he shouldn't have lied to his wife like that
theAlphaJohn: marriage is hard. my poor future ex-wife (whomever she may be)....

After lunch was over, Jason and I went to get coffee at Starbucks. I told him that I'm going to write a book on dating advice called "Buttfuck your way to a happy marriage". Fuck all you haters!

No comments: