Louis Vuitton buys Aston Martin

From Autoblog:

All the bids are in and the winning bidder has been revealed: Aston Martin is being bought by LVMH Moet Hennessy Louis Vuitton SA, the French luxury goods consortium that produces upper-crust products ranging from leather trunks and wallets to champagne and cognac...and now exotic luxury sports cars, too.

Attention all rappers: sell your Gallardo, turn in your Benz, and give away you 'Slade. Every new Aston Martin will come with a Louis Vuitton man-bag filled with Hennessy.

If only it came with bitches...

Apparently it's bunk

All's quiet on the frustrated front

Forgive the lack of funny this week, but I'm having a miserable couple weeks at work (this week being the worst). I spent my entire workday yesterday toiling in misery, only to be asked at 4:30pm to produce a CYA email that took 40 minutes to write (for barely 9 paragraphs). Today is equally frustrating.

I had class last night, and when I came back to campus I was surprised to find my lecture hall evacuated with the fire alarms going off. We were outside in the cold for 10-15 minutes when I started to fantasize about the building actually being on fire, and the fire engulfing the entire campus until only a crater was left.

Which, from what I gather, is the same way the entire city of Boston reacted to a few Lite Brites that were setup to promote Aqua Teen Hunger Force.



Tom Menino is such a fucking douche. If only he had died in a fiery car accident while vacationing alone in Florida...

VV Day: Victory over Verizon

Consumerist has been hot on the trail of Verizon since they notified customers of a change to their service agreement. Basically, with or without a text messaging plan, you're going to have to pay for text messages to and from international carriers (which the current plan covers), and the rate for them is going up from $0.10 to $0.15 per message. That means if Guapo in Honduras spams your phone with a text message from Donkey Cellular, you're getting a bill.

Since I love any opportunity to play hardball with the Ivan Seidenberg gestapo, I decided to make an issue of this and see if I could get a better deal on a contract extension. Instead, they rolled over and waived my early termination fee so I can go elsewhere.

Thank you for contacting Verizon Wireless through our website. My name is April, and I am happy to provide you with the details on how to port your number out. However, we value you as a wireless customer, and would like the opportunity to retain your business.

I regret to hear of your decision to cancel your service with Verizon Wireless and port your wireless number to another service provider. In the event that you do chose to port your number out, you will not be billed an Early Termination Fee.

Now that I got exactly what I want, I need to figure out what I'm going to do about it. I mapped out my usage for the past six months:



I keep coming back to the same judgments I made a year ago when I switched to Verizon (in order from best match to worst match):

Selection of phones: 1.) Cingular 2.) T-Mobile 3.) Verizon
Quality of service: 1.) Verizon 2.) Cingular 3.) T-Mobile
Service plans: 1.) T-Mobile 2.) Verizon 3.) Cingular

fucking ::sigh::

Off the donor list

DSC01633.JPG, originally uploaded by jweisen.

All day, I've been wondering if I might need a new liver. Wow.

Thanks to everybody who made it out. For those who didn't, the photos are on Flickr.

Happy Birthday To Me!

First, thanks to all the well-wishers. It's nice that so many people remember, especially when I always forget their birthdays.

Now, if you're wondering what to get me, here are some suggestions.

An all expenses paid foam rave in Ibiza:



An adorable squat mammal (chocolate lab):



Or, for my house to be done, and Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers to be my new roommates:



Any of those three would be great.

If you'd like to join the festivities, Joey sent out one of her famous Evites yesterday.

Thanks =)

Sun One + ColdFusion: GET /buttfucker/CFIDE/administrator/ HTTP/1.1" 302 0

Apologies to my non-nerd readers who don't get this, and can only see the anger rising off the screen.

I've been sucked back in this Content Management project, even though I did my part and ran the entire proof-of-concept to pick the software. The product we chose runs on Adobe ColdFusion. For the proof-of-concept, we used the webserver built into ColdFusion since we only had like 5 users hitting the thing. For a production system, however, you need to deploy ColdFusion inside of another webserver.

Barry and I have been playing circus seal to try and make that happen, and today we finally got Sun One to a point where we could install and deploy ColdFusion...but it doesn't work. We keep getting this error:

Error [service-j2ee-2] - The Graphing service is not available.This exception is usually caused by service startup failure. Please check your server configuration.

Now, we know what the problem is. There's a non-headless deployment and a headless deployment, and a bunch of bullshit related to X11 fonts blah blah blah...nobody fucking cares. Their knowledge base had nothing useful to fix this. We just paid a mint for an Enterprise CF license, but I can't get any fucking support from Adobe without selling my right nut because we got it under our volume license agreement. They're supposed to provide free install support, but their website makes submitting the question almost impossible. So I turned to the message boards on their website to find out what the web rats had to say.
There are three Java arguments in dispute:

• -Xbootclasspath/a:cf_root/WEB-INF/cfusion/lib/webchartsJava2D.jar
• -Djava.awt.headless=true
• -Djava.awt.graphicsenv=com.gp.java2d.ExHeadlessGraphicsEnvironment

Now, the webchartsJava2D.jar contains both the ExGraphicsEnvironment and ExHeadlessGraphicsEnvironment class files. So why are we getting an error that ExHeadlessGraphicsEnvironment can't be find?

Clearly, if I just delete and redeploy the EAR it will be fixed...

Will: so you hate the coldfusion?
theAlphaJohn: ><
theAlphaJohn: we're having a lot of trouble getting coldfusion to run inside another webserver
Will: and [redacted] is going to try and get a special server contract with ITU
theAlphaJohn: huh/what?
Will: yeah
Will: he is so angry because you guys don't call him back within five minutes of the requests that you cannot perform
Will: so he wants a contract
theAlphaJohn: lol
theAlphaJohn: what 3 person company did he work at before this?
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: we have 150 people in IT
theAlphaJohn: which would make us slow
theAlphaJohn: and then add the fact that we're a university
theAlphaJohn: which makes us slower
theAlphaJohn: and that we're a state agency
theAlphaJohn: which makes us useless
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: haha
Will: and [redacted] is driving me up a wall
Will: jesus h
Will: i am starting to loathe inefficient web 2.0
theAlphaJohn: i need some liquor 2.0
theAlphaJohn: i'm redeploying coldfusion to /buttfucker on zetes1
theAlphaJohn: we'll see if that works

It didn't...but the access logs make me cackle.

Ouch...that smarts

At Christina's bequest, (read: constant nagging), I finally went to see an orthopedic surgeon about both shoulders on Friday. I've had trouble in the pool and in my strength workouts for a couple months now; nothing serious, but some tenderness, pinching, and occasionally if I overdo it during swim practice I will have a shoulder 'fail' and have to get out of the pool.

I only had to wait a week for the appointment. The orthopedic did a brief exam on range of motion and strength before he sent me back for a set of x-rays (right on premises). I came back in the room with the x-rays and he read them right there. Other than bone spur on the right shoulder, everything is fine structurally. It looks like I have tendonitis in both rotator cuffs. That seems to jive with what I've been feeling.

Prescription: rest, ice, 400mg advil three times per day, and physical therapy.

Fucking swell.

Welcome Snow Gods

Plowed into light posts, we pray to thee:

Huh...I wonder what kind of truck that is??

Hey look! It's the Honda dumbshit!

Your car's model name is on your registration, and it's 18 inches to the right of your license plate. Did you really need to pay $10 extra a year so it's on the plate too, asshole?

Did you??

Why work when you can talk about genitals?

I've done a lot of work this week, but every non-work conversation this week was about suicide, glory holes, or genitals. So emotionally, I'm about half my age this week.

Will: so josh thinks the name of the flag football team should be the JC Jumpers
theAlphaJohn: !!!
theAlphaJohn: no one will allow that
Will: ya think?
theAlphaJohn: i fucking love it though
theAlphaJohn: i'd rathy be "thompson's glory holes"
Will: haha
theAlphaJohn: we went from softball to flag football?
Will: hahaha
Will: more people are down for football
theAlphaJohn: like i care. i suck equally dude
theAlphaJohn: i'll man up and do whatever
Will: when i played on the softball team a couple years back
Will: i used to smoke and play at the same time
theAlphaJohn: LOL
Will: so
Will: it's not exactly serious
theAlphaJohn: i'll bet you got mad trim for that
Will: shaking it off with a stick
theAlphaJohn: even your tee shirt that said "i have herpes and my religion forbids valtrex"
theAlphaJohn: still needed a bodyguard i'll bet
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: the ladies with smoking fetishes wanted your junk in their trunk
Will: well
Will: they don't call me STD for nothing
theAlphaJohn: VD
theAlphaJohn: it must be latin for "will"
Will: haha
Will: i am making the homepage button for the vaginia monologues
Will: i want it so when you scroll over you get
Will: "rockin'
theAlphaJohn: LOL
Will: "rockin' the va jay j Februrary 12th Harris Theater"
theAlphaJohn: how hot is that?
theAlphaJohn: the vagina monologues: rock out with your cock out
Will: i am scared of the vagina monologues
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: i am too
Will: rock out with your clam out
Will: hahahaha
theAlphaJohn: it scares me how evil i can be around you
Will: actually now that you mention
Will: i do this to lots of people
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: are you like the naughty muse?
Will: i must be
Will: with a heart of gold
theAlphaJohn: aww
theAlphaJohn: you're so adorable, all i can do is pinch your cheeks and wish a horrible death on muppets and children

Tom: Glory-osky! I loved the post about the posting on the glory hole in the men's bathroom.
theAlphaJohn: lol
theAlphaJohn: kirsten cracks me up
Tom: Yeah. She was shocked to hear about such things. I am not sure if was more shocked over that or that I knew what it was ;-)
theAlphaJohn: i know. it's like everyone was keeping a secret from her
theAlphaJohn: i told her that in sex ed, when they separate the boys and the girls, they warn us of such things ;)
Tom: lol. Well I will have to say that interesting things are surely afoot at GMU. People drilling holes in stalls and other events (sadly enough). GMU has all of a sudden become an interesting place to be, kind of.
theAlphaJohn: indeed

theAlphaJohn: why didnt [redacted] slice a lip off her labia and hire that?
Will: wow
Will: hahahaha
Will: i am sure she would of
theAlphaJohn: (1) exactly what she wants, (2) cheap hire, (3) equally useless
Will: if she didn't have a penis
theAlphaJohn: !!!
Will: yep
Will: haha
theAlphaJohn: ...we need to talk son
Will: hahahaha
theAlphaJohn: is it really a penis if it's made of silicone?
Will: word on the street
Will: it's real
Will: real real freaky
theAlphaJohn: something tells me if she stuck it through the thompson hall glory hole, it would go unsucked

::rim shot::