A Message to all Undergrads

While this is primarily aimed at the darling young lady outside my building twenty minutes ago, this is a general announcement for guys and girls living away at college:

Remember when you were in highschool (probably a senior), and your had one or two "going out" outfits (primarily a nicer, different pair of jeans and a form-fitting tee shirt or tank top) that you hoped would draw positive, hookup-related attention in your direction when you and your social circle were out?

That same outfit, while appropriate for today's sunshine and warm weather is not appropriate for the "Freshman 15" you picked up eating your three squares in the JC or at Ciao Hall. 

Go put on something that fits.

Little Jason's 30th Birthday

Party Favors...?



Check. eCard...?



Check.

Now where did the birthday boy run off to...?

So much makes sense now

My parents are here for Easter and through Thursday -- my mother emailed me yesterday and said "do you have plans for Easter? We're thinking of coming for a visit and helping to do some stuff around the house." Very nice of them so I took them up on the offer.

They arrived tonight, and apparently their cats (which were our cats when Amy and I lived with them) Squeekie and Stucco have become anti-social and down right mean at times. Squeekie drifts in and out of heat (despite being fixed and medicated) all the time, howling at all hours of the morning. They've been debating having her put to sleep (poor little monster has other health issues) but they can't bring themselves to do it.



Later in the evening we discussed a suggestion by their financial advisor to get long-term care insurance. In looking it over, they tell me they've agreed instead to murder each other if one ever gets into a long-term care arrangement.

Of course, these are the people who haven't slept in six months because an aged cat is howling all night and they won't put her down. Yes, these same people are going to snuff out their spouse of 32 years to invalidate the need for another insurance policy.


::sigh::

My dad still wins the award from three years ago:

Me: Hey dad...in April you and mom will have been married 30 years.
Dad: That's right
Me: Wow. What are you getting her for your anniversary?
Dad: Thirty paces and pistols at dawn.

Political Machinations

Rummy isn't having a very good day, what with all these generals coming out to declare his ineptness. Bush continues to defend him with that huge 32% approval rating of his, but I was hoping Susann might help me push him over the edge:

theAlphaJohn: remember how you got me on wonkette?
Susann: yes.
theAlphaJohn: can you do something like that again for me?
Susann: for what?
theAlphaJohn: get donald rumsfeld to resign
theAlphaJohn: :)
Susann: got any damaging evidence?
Susann: other than the obvious?
theAlphaJohn: no but i could invent some
theAlphaJohn: Carl Rove does it every hour on the hour
theAlphaJohn: when he's not eating Wendys

If you haven't seen this video when Bush was questioned by a John Hopkin's student about the rule of law (or lack of) governing military contractors, you must:


And then click here to apply for a Canadian visa.

The War on MySpace :: Gang Members in your Top 8

From DCist:

Area Gangs Going Online: Just one day after the news that MySpace is hiring a security chief to protect its users, the Post delivers a fantastically entertaining article on area gangs' use of social networking sites to chat, make threats, download awesome gun cursors, and generally explore the intersection between stylesheets and street cred. We find it almost as scary as it is hilarious — particularly since our plan to end this paragraph with a joke about Yahoo Groups and the Crips was unexpectedly foiled.

Just think, your sponsor could text message you who to hit when you're jumping in, you could use your camera phone to recognize, post it in your photos section, blog about it, and end up in MS-13's Top 8 that week. Then they could blast out important social messages like "we're planning a stabbing in College Park tonight" and everyone will be sure to get it.

Google Analytics

I (finally) received an invitation code to Google Analytics a few weeks ago. It takes a little while to start collecting data, which I've been doing with Webalizer for probably four years or more.



It has some very interesting features. For the casual piece of internet mastubation like my website, it's probably not as useful as someone running an e-commerce site, but it definately has some cool features.

Typical Top 5 Entry/Exit Stuff:



Page Overlay, to show you on your hyperlinks visually where people are going:



Visitor by region:



Statistics on pages visited:

I miss the Zach Morris

I miss the Zach Morris of Felch Entertainment...

Plums are in the air

theAlphaJohn: campus is dripping with honeys today
Mike: Oooo la la!
theAlphaJohn: i love when it's a nice day and i can smell them
theAlphaJohn: i kept walking by this girl in the hall today, she smelled like plums
Mike: and, you're not a girl?
Mike: sounds awfully flowery.
theAlphaJohn: fuck no
theAlphaJohn: i'm a plum-o-vore
theAlphaJohn: i devour on sight
Mike: ok, sold.
theAlphaJohn: particularly when i'm old enough to buy them beer

Today's Coup brought to you by George Mason

:)

[ed.]
When I came two work today, I had two dotted-lines for a boss, now I have only one.

Concert :: Paul Oakenfold

Last Thursday, Kristin and I went to see Paul Oakenfold hosted by Glow at Club Fur here in DC.


For those who don't know, Oakenfold is a British trance DJ who came to prominence in the late-1990s. These days, most of his time is spent overseeing his label, Perfecto Records (home to Paul van Dyk, among others).


Of his music (and stage presence), people generally have one of three opinions:

• [Non-scene People] - "Oh my God, Paul Oakenfold is the hardest techno DJ ever. Oh-can-fold! Oh-can-fold!"



• [Candy Kids and Scene Regulars] - "What, he actually spun this time? his pre-recorded CD must've gotten lost or misplaced." and "Perfecto Presents: My sellout-ass needs to build our brand and make us more loot."



• [Moderates like myself] - Sometimes Oakenfold is good, sometimes he's not, but the crowd is by far the most entertaining part of the night.

Not only did we get our dance on for three hours, but my night was made by the group of five or six highschool kids who apparently scored some black mitsubishi for the evening. It was like time lapse photography watching them get more and more out of it until it was clear they were going to miss homeroom the next day.