My maniac sister disowns me

I fucking hate my family.

It's 3:00am and I should be asleep, but I'm not. My sister called me at 1:00am and accused me of hacking her computer (and claims I've been doing it for years), then hung up on me and called our mother. She was not making sense when she called me, hence the spastic reply:

Date: Tue, 4 Apr 2006 03:08:54 -0400
From: the Alpha John
To: Amy (the Alpha John's sister)
Cc: Pat (the Alpha John's mother)

Regarding your phone call:

-I did not hack, crack, or make any sort of connection to any computer you were talking about. That includes any of yours (plural) and whomever this third computer belongs to (someone who works at Navteq, I suspect Kirk?). I don't have the interest, skills or the time.

-I have never infected any computer with any virus. Don't have the time, don't have the skills, and I'm philosophically opposed to any viral code whose payload affects the size of the original object (which requires far more assembler then I've ever cared to dabble in).

-Navteq is not a government entity, they are a publicly traded company with government contracts (http://finance.google.com/finance?q=navteq&btnG=Search)

-Of all the days of the week I could have hacked a computer, today was not one of them. I can account for every minute of my day from when I woke to when I got home. I spent the entire day connected to George Mason's network (which, as your can imagine, has extensive logging on what I did today). I worked all day on three different projects (which could not have been done ahead) and peppered my work out to people through email all day. I was at the gym before work, the pool right after work, and wasn't home and back on the computer until after 9:30pm.

-I would need to see whatever logfiles you claim implicate me, but logfiles can be manufactured. I'm sure when Navteq decides to persue this they will subpoena me, my ISP (which, to save time, is speakeasy.net), and my employer and collect all our logfiles only to find what I've known most of my life...you're nuts.

-You made a comment about be knowing you were/weren't coming/going to New York when we met up. I was in NYC every Saturday for six weeks, which you knew. You were the one who told me you were going to be there and that we could meet up. There was no change of plans that you made that I should not have been aware of but was.

When you called me tonight, you sounded like an absolute mental patient Amy. You woke me (and then mom) up, you were clearly upset but rambled incoherently, then you said "I have to go" and hung on me.

I want to be clear about something, and you can take it however you want but there is no anger when I say this: this faux relationship that you and I have is a product of your making. Your life -- the way you behave, how you treat people, your lifestyle -- is of no interest to me at all. You are not a nice person, you never have been, and to let you any closer than arms-length would be a mistake. I care more about the pictures on Paris Hilton's Sidekick than I do about your email, and for you to think that I would do something illegal (even potentially illegal) to find out who you forwarded some Yahoo news article...you are out of your god-damned mind.

You told me tonight that I'm not your brother anymore, which is fine. You need to understand that you haven't been my sister...I dunno ever. I'm not going to pretend to be interested in you because we're related. Don't get mad, don't reply to this email, just lose my address and number and go away. There are plenty of people from high school and college I haven't talked to in years and will never see again -- let's just chalk each other up to that and call it a day.

This is the last direct communication I will ever have with you: if you call me again, I will hang up. If you email me, I will delete it. I don't care if you get married, end up single, have a kid or a terminal illness. Don't contact me, I'm not your brother anymore.