What I want for Christmas (in July)...

A proper wingman.

Ransim and I discuss Haute Couture

theAlphaJohn: did i send you the MIT automated dorm room link?
Ransim: no
theAlphaJohn: http://hardware.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/05/29/132210
theAlphaJohn: you must follow the link and watch the video
theAlphaJohn: push the party button, and listen to the gayest techno ever
Ransim: HAHAH all I can think is, OMG dorks
theAlphaJohn: when i used to go to florida and do training for the disney on ice staff, we used to joke that some of the guys need "you got game" training, cause they have none
theAlphaJohn: these guys need a 001-level course
Ransim: I'd hate to be in a room near theirs though
theAlphaJohn: no kidding
theAlphaJohn: 3am influx of nerds...the girl with the mousey hair who has never met conditioner
Ransim: hahahaha
theAlphaJohn: they get drunk and discuss episodes of Laguna Beach
Ransim: HAHAHA do they wear the stuff they see on MTV because it has a +10 aura of cool and a +3 change of attracting the opposite sex?
theAlphaJohn: nerds wearing hollister, little do they know, is no better than nerds in mt dew tee shirts and old navy cargo pants
Ransim: like the great hat of Rico sauve channeling?
theAlphaJohn: lol
Ransim: "like omg dood I totally got this shirt from hot topic and the guy that works there says its like totally +10 for Charisma, so i can attract chicks"
theAlphaJohn: skinny guys with bed head are not more attractive in a shirt that says "i gave your mom a ride"
Ransim: LOL
theAlphaJohn: i should put a course proposal together and send it to mit
Ransim: fat girls in sparkly baby tshirts and stringy hair are not made more hotter by the shirt sporting a playboy symbol either
Ransim: heh
theAlphaJohn: omg indeed
theAlphaJohn: actually here's a serious faux paux i saw at starbucks today, i need an opinion
Ransim: k
theAlphaJohn: is there an age when you're "too old" to have two-tone hair (black and bleach blonde) and wear eye shadow with glitter in it?
Ransim: yea, like 22 or 23 maybe depending on how you look
theAlphaJohn: so if you're pushing 40? like late 30s?
Ransim: no
Ransim: unless you LOOK like you're in your early 20s
theAlphaJohn: yeah not so much
theAlphaJohn: i just wanted to shake her and say "i know you're listing to Pixie by Ani diFranco in your car, but you're not a paper doll"
Ransim: lol
Ransim: I hate seeing old women dressed like they're teenagers
Ransim: *shudders* especially in halter tops with their sharp shoulder blades and wrinkly old people flesh out, and saggy old women boobs without a bra *shudder*
Ransim: I also have a special hate on for capri pants as well
theAlphaJohn: *nod*
theAlphaJohn: I don't understand all the guys in mandles
theAlphaJohn: but my ex-gf was a nazi about mandles and manpris
Ransim: ewww yeah I can understanding the mandles when you're at the beach they are alot more comfy then flip flops, but every single day?
Ransim: and flip flops.... nothing urks me more then seeing people in sweat shirts, jeans and FLIP FLOPS
Ransim: at least we aren't in japan
Ransim: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2807&p=3
Ransim: ganguro *shudder*
theAlphaJohn: *gasp*...wtf?
Ransim: you've never seen ganguro?
Ransim: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2807&p=8
theAlphaJohn: no
theAlphaJohn: so basically, it's a fashion trend of all that is horrible
Ransim: yup... crazy japanese
theAlphaJohn: would the american version be fake tan, glitter eye shadow, a spiral perm after bleaching one's hair white, low-rise capri pants, halter top, thong, tramp stamp on the lower back, coach purse, and very high pointy shoes?
Ransim: or a candy raver
theAlphaJohn: lol
theAlphaJohn: it is foam rave season
theAlphaJohn: the most hygenine that candy ravers get all year
Ransim: HAHAH

Spending too much time with "the football"

On Friday, George sent me a link to this video:



and in the email said, "you have too much time on your hands if you are making videos like this and putting them online..."

George and I traded some emails on Sunday debating whether or not we should bike on this beautiful day:

From: theAlphaJohn
To: George
Date: Sun, 28 May 2006 16:04:51
Subject: my soul is in danger

parents left this am
i slept until 2pm
i'm in my underwear watching laguna beach on mtv, the *worst* show ever

...

bike today/tonight/tomorrow?

Needless to say, we traded emails until George called me about 5:30pm and we decided we were going to go over to Great Falls Park and bike. Only problem was that I only have on bike carrier on my roof rack and his car is ill at the moment (but will be fixed before we autocross in June).

Solution? Drive over to REI, buy another bike carrier, throw it on my rack (which was in the garage and not on my car), and go pick him up at the metro. Though Great Falls Park closed at dark (Sunset: 8:25pm).

In any event, we made it, got about an hour of biking in before deciding GFP is much better for hiking that for biking, then went over to Burke Lake Park (which we pulled in just in time for the gates to closed). We drove around the corner, parked in some neighborhood, then biked back into the park and harassed the silly campers.

Afterwards we came back here, grilled some animal, and watched some crap tv. We were lucky enough to see the funniest Law & Order ever (unfortunately, Andrew was not there to watch it with us). I'll spare you the recap.

Usually during these outings, George and I catch up on things we may or may not have shared with the other since last we hung out. George shared the WRX STi vs the Forrester STi video from Google today, and then decided to send me this email:

Date: Tue, 30 May 2006 01:13:54 +0000
From: George
To: theAlphaJohn
Subject: pony

While looking around the internet i found the little girl who took
your pony...

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/005633.html

And what is on that blog?

Her Mane Is Obviously Fake

Dad: What are you going to name your new horse, honey?
Little girl with My Little Pony: Skankbag!

Overheard by: Michelle

torturing girls on craigslist

via my secret, sexy gmail address...

CLtramp: i'm sorry, but if you want a girl to actually reply it helps if you sound like a nice person and not a mean jerk..... just a little advice.
theAlphaJohn: but then i'd be lying, and what girl wants to ride a liar like a painted pony?
CLtramp: true i won't fuck an asshole. I will only have sex with guys who are fun
and nice.
theAlphaJohn: which, if you got to know me, you'd realize i am fun and nice. just ask my married fuck buddy
CLtramp: that was a joke right?
theAlphaJohn: bend over i'll show you
CLtramp: well i am going to bed now. good night and good luck
theAlphaJohn: good night to you then. and try not to roll over, lest skinny be dead

Technology Captures Nerd Mating Ritual on Fifth Avenue

Gross.

Monday, May 22, 2006
Marriages made in Mac heaven

Love was in the air as Apple opened its newest retail store on New York's Fifth Avenue. The eighth person in line proposed to his girlfriend, and she said yes. No word on the response to the enterprising engagement-seeker who presented his proposal to Uschi Lang in front of an Apple-operated time-lapse camera. Some tips for the newlyweds-to-be: Here are helpful instructions on how to plan your wedding on a Mac

And I said, "What about Breakfast at Starbucks?"

Andrew once said it best, "the person who invented the breakfast sandwiches at Starbucks should win a nobel prize." They really are very tasty with your morning coffee, but I wondered how healthy they were.

To find out, I went to Starbucks website, and lo and behold there was no nutrition information for them anywhere. I called the Starbucks customer service hotline and got the friendly Starbucks employee to give me the low-down over the phone:

Name	Cals	Fat	Sat. Fat	Cholstrl	Sodium	Carbs	Protein
Eggs Flourentine	450	21	10	190	720	44	18
Lowfat Turkey Bacon	330	7	3	20	750	43	21
Ham, Egg, and Cheese	400	17	8	180	990	40	22
Sausage, Egg, and Cheese	490	19	9	170	900	40	20

Not as horrible as I thought, but definately not something to eat everyday.

Apple: Think Haptic

George sent an email last night that linked to the video below. It's a demonstration of touch screen technology that is patented by Apple, and hopefully we be a consumer product sooner rather than later.

Pomp and Circumstances

I got unofficial word from my advisor today that my graduation application was received, processed, and accepted. At the end of the semester I'll see a note online that I've "Graduated" and come about October my diploma should arrive in the mail.

...

It only took me 10 fucking years to get my Associates Degree in General Studies. Go me!

Where can I buy me some shame?

Once or twice a week I find myself at the cleaners. I'm either dropping stuff off, picking stuff up, or both. Most of the people who work there are hispanic (the "H"'s have taken the dry cleaning trade over from the asians here in Northern Virginia), but about two months ago this white thug starts working there.

Anyway, wigger has waited on me several times, and the last time I was in there it was close to closing, and this asian girl who works there (who is probably 17 at the oldest) is harassing him about his iPod on the counter and some other bullshit. So I say to him "what did you do to deserve this?" and he's like "I know, right?". Well today I'm in there and it's busy as shit, and he ends up taking care of me, and she is hassling his ass again. So I say to him "is she still giving you shit?" and girl hears me and says, "What? I don't bother him, you should see how he treats me...hee hee hee." She's walking away and he says "right -- hey he knows he's always in here when you're hassling me." So somehow it gets around to him saying "I think she needs some..." like he's stepping over the line by implying that she needs to get laid, so I look him right in the eye and say "dude I've been wondering how much longer before you're going to hit that" and look right at her. He busts out laughing and turns bright red as I take my clothes and walk out.

I'm too young to be like this, but in my day a girl didn't have to poke your facebook profile or send you a MMS picture message of her bra on your cell phone for you to take the hint. Girl wants some more white in her rice dude, help her out.

Dropping my digital frat weight

After kaitain died in January [1] [2] [3], I needed to make changes to my website so it would run in a chroot jail.

My personal website design is pushing five years old, and while I was still at FELD I had toyed with the idea of a rewrite but didn't have any time to invest in it. During the process of making it chroot safe, however, I came to the conclusion it's time for it to go.

Rewriting the site needs to be done in a couple phases:
(1) make existing site work inside chroot jail [done in April]
(2) get rid of five years of cruft content (including favorites like "Lesbian blind date") [done as of 5 minutes ago]
(3) choose a new site design
(4) code like a mother
(5) beer

I used the metrics from my Google Analytics account to decide what pages had to stay and what should go. For now the Lawson pages stay, but much of my photoshop stuff and the page about stupid tv shows had to die.

For now, it's workable. We'll see how motivated I am to choose a new site design and start coding. I may end up moving my pictures to an external service like flickr, but we'll see. The lighter my site is, the better my options to eventually just move everything to a hosting site instead of hosting it at my house.

I don't mind running my own box, but I like to have options.