Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Target sells Presidential (in)Action Figures

Thank you Wonkette for pointing this out! Target is now selling presidential action figures, and Wonkette has challenged readers to write their own sarcastic reviews.

Under my pal Jimmy Carter is this review:

Man, I wish I could take credit for the Reagan one. I guess I'll write my own. Once again, Will joins me to provide commentary:

theAlphaJohn: wtf: [link]
Will: hahaha
theAlphaJohn: do you think the JFK doll
theAlphaJohn: doll's fingers smell like the Marylin Monroe doll?
Will: haha
Will: i was going finish your sentence and say "do you think the jfk doll has an exploding head?"
theAlphaJohn: lol
Will: if they were ass cheap, i would get a couple for some stop motion video fun
theAlphaJohn: You know they're going to star in a future episode of robot chicken
theAlphaJohn: Does the Thomas Jefferson doll come with a slave he can impregnate?
Will: hahaha
Will: i like how some of the dolls have guest ratings
theAlphaJohn: read the jimmy carter ones
theAlphaJohn: i tried to add a comment but it hasn't been approved
Will: hahahahahaha
Will: "Does the reagan doll allow for the murder of hundreds of marine dolls in doll Lebanon and retaliate by pulling our troops out so fast that it makes your head spin?"
Will: wow
theAlphaJohn: The one I added for Carter was something like, "I love this doll cause they renamed National Airport after him. No idiot would rename national airport after the moron who promised the ATC Union he'd help with their grievences in writing before illegally firing the air traffic controllers, now would they?"
Will: nice
Will: they should have an andrew jackson doll
Will: that comes smelling like whiskey and good times
theAlphaJohn: lol
theAlphaJohn: a Ulysseus S Grant doll that's always drunk and corrupt
theAlphaJohn: or a Herbert Hoover doll that makes barbie and ken live in cardboard "Hoover Doll Houses" and reassures them with claims of "a doll chicken in every doll pot"
Will: i'm saying
Will: they really didn't explore their options with the dolls
theAlphaJohn: so much untapped potential
Will: for real
theAlphaJohn: which president didn't have a first lady?
theAlphaJohn: they could make his doll mom to live with him
Will: James Buchanan
Will: haha
Will: snap
theAlphaJohn: you know he never got presidental whores with mom next door in the lincoln bedroom
theAlphaJohn: he certainly didn't have no vernon jordan to run down to dairy queen and get him some fine-ass hookers

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