Forget about Paris Hilton's DUI and (Asian-looking) Suri Cruise's pictures in Vanity Fair, this news cycle has been all Pandas, all the time.
First up, the birth of a new cub by artificial insemination at the Zoo in Atlanta.
What else do you need to know? Some zoo down in CNN-ville has some low-level pandas that make even average pandas seem like Lindsey Lohan.
But the incompetent mama panda was somehow inseminated — artificially, like all panda moms, even in the wild — and now there’s a baby panda that experts say is ugly and dumb and obviously no match for Butterstick.
Our Panda birth commentary comes from Justin and Dr. Jason:
theAlphaJohn: Jason, did you get your plane ticket yet to see the new panda cub?
Jason: 1st I need to find a Yeti....so I can make some gravy.
theAlphaJohn: I have some leftover in my fridge. Get us a couple danger dogs and we'll meet you at the airport.
Jason: Everyone knows they don't allow yeti gravy on planes.
theAlphaJohn: I'll tell them it's personal lubricant
Next up, the exciting news from China that Giant Panda Mommy Ya Ya dropped and crushed one of her twins:
BEIJING - Staff at a zoo in southwest China are in mourning after a sleep-deprived panda dropped her two-day-old baby and crushed it to death, local media reported on Friday.
“It was very sudden, but also unavoidable,” Guo Wei, panda department chief at Chongqing city zoo in the southwestern region of Chongqing, told the Chongqing Business News daily.
Ya Ya, a seven-year-old panda and new mother of twins, “appeared tired” when nursing the younger cub in a patch of grass, the paper said.
Her head sagged, her paws separated and her baby fell to the ground next to her. The panda then rolled on to her side and crushed her baby beneath her.
The tragedy occurred because she hadn’t slept or eaten properly since giving birth, Guo said, adding that Ya Ya lacked motherhood experience.
According to Guo, the zoo had tried on several occasions to separate the cub from its mother for their safety, but Ya Ya “was very cautious” and would “roar and bare her teeth” at zoo-keepers.
The elder of the twins was in good health and being cared for, zoo officials said.
But Ya Ya had proved inconsolable, wailing and looking for her baby after its body was taken away from her.
“Pandas who lose their young tend to be depressed for a month or so,” Guo said, adding that the zoo would assign people to care for her and provide special food to improve her mood.
First: HA HA! You crushed your chillin!
Second: I love that Panda mothers have crushed so many of their infants to death like this, we have a baseline norm for how they behave.
Mike: she should be locked up
Mike: oh, she is.....she's in a zoo
theAlphaJohn: don't be a hippie
Mike: i crack myself up sometimes.
And for the final word, once again here is Dr. Jason: "ha...this is why they belong with the dinosaurs......"