On the flight home from Myrtle Beach I had the good fortune of flying under the watchful eye of Samantha, who is far funnier than the FlyI guy from Independance Air:
"Now for those of you who have not been in a moving vehicle -- plane, train, bus, or car -- since 1967 I will demonstrate how your seat belt operates."
"Federal regulations prohibit smoking on this or any other aircraft. Disabling, destroying, or in any way tampering with a lavatory smoke detector is a federal offense. Passengers who wish to smoke should step out onto the wing to do so. While you're there, please enjoy our in-flight presentation of 'Gone With The Wind'."
"Once again ladies and gentleman, on behalf of United Express I want to thank you for flying with us today. We know in this current economic climate you have your choice of financially distressed airlines, and we thank you for choosing ours."