By the time I finish Calculus and my dating season resumes...

Big ups to Susann for pointing out this hilarious article in Today's Post (which I suspect she wrote under a nom de plume):

In a world of infinite possibilities, the notion of falling in love, of finding The One, seems itself like the taquito girl, small-town and old-fashioned. Once upon a time, The One would've lived in your village or another one like it. Now, she could be this sweet girl across from you at the dinner table, but she could also be someone you haven't yet met. What if there's another woman somewhere in the world, like this girl, but better? Someone who will snowboard with you, and doesn't do that strange throat-clearing thing?

"When I was buying a computer, there were so many features that for six months I didn't buy a computer," says Jillian Straus, 33, whose book "Unhooked Generation," due out Feb. 8, chronicles why people her age have trouble deciding on mates. The people in their twenties and thirties who Straus interviewed "see commitment to one person as a narrowing of lifestyle choices."

It's only a coincidence that Calculus ends in May (the end of the Spring semester) just as the Alpha John's dating season begins. Could it be that there is some form of multi-variable dating Calculus that can be used to best avoid the taquito girl and find the future ex-wife on one's dreams?

I could construct the definite integral from (age + 1 to age + 5) of the Riemann sum of (Nation Skank) + the definite integral from (age + 7 to death - age) of the natural log of the absolute value of (good mother who doesn't put out) + C (where C is equal to a string of tramps whose careers I can further).



Put that in your proof and solve it fool!