Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Mating Ritual of the College Co-Ed Magic Player

I wanted to grab some lunch quick before my 1:15pm meeting ("worthless Wednesday"), so I ran over to SUB I to grab something and bring it back to my desk. The problem was that I couldn't actually find any to-go bags once I was all checked out, so I decided to grab a table and eat there.

In selecting a table, I chose something out of the way where I could spread out and avoid 19 year old hosers who think the height of conversation includes binge drinking and sport-puking. Apparently, that's exactly how the Magic players choose their table as well.

What follows is the a dramatic recreation of the 10 minutes I spent inhaling my food:

The young man facing the camera and to the left talked at length how Magic was clearly his calling in life. Definately an 'E' on Meyers-Briggs, when he wasn't talking his moves out he was correcting his opponet and both players playing the game next to him. We'll call him "Dark Mage" (hi Trevin).

The girl (yes it's a girl) facing the camera on the right somehow found herself at this table. We'll call her "The Hollow." She admitted she was not an experienced player, and within 8 or 9 heartbeats I realized she was only there because she wanted to get up-on Dark Mage and make babies with him. Sadly, with only two weeks until St. Hallmark's Day, Dark Mage is still working on a romantic bed and breakfast weekend in the country with the love of his life, his Play Station Portable.

There was much discussion about "casting" and "manna", and while the Alpha John admits he played Magic for a month or two when he was 12, it is at this point a dead language.

The love triangle appeared around minute six, when the guy that The Hollow was playing against (I'll call him "Makeout King") had taken stock of his situation. Never let it be said that gamers don't have game, because in just a few minutes Makeout King realized that The Hollow was hot-to-trot, and that it will be another decade before Dark Mage's genitals text message him to say "hey I'm here...when we gonna breed homes?".

The fourth dude really didn't say anything of interest, so I will take both his nickname and his birthday away.

So while Dark Mage is trying to reign supreme with his two-headed dragon, evil troll, tome of Jergins, and plague of weekends in the Student Union, his buddy Makeout King was putting the moves on the only double-X chromosome to ever grace that table.


Anonymous said...

You should have just asked for a to go bag and gotten the hell out of there! G-spOt

Justin said...

The thought of any of them breeding makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Banjax said...

Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Unfortunately...they'll not only breed, but their child is probably destined to become President one day. Either their's, or the child of someone playing with Pokemon/YuGiOh cards. Statistics are, sadly, on my side.