Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Zombie Vampire [Fighting/Flying] Ponies

My boss Tom, who's working out his notice, took a few moments today to help me brainstorm about using crazy ideas for creative problem solving:

Short-timer Tom: Hey you have to try out some of the crazy ideas as well.
theAlphaJohn: those are my favorite
theAlphaJohn: especially when they don't work
Short-timer Tom: Like having a uni-pony ;-). Or a uni-pony jumping on a moon-bounce?
theAlphaJohn: that's the point tom -- i need the moon bounce so the pony has something to do when i'm at work. now pony knees aren't designed for bouncing, but hopefully evolution will kick in
Short-timer Tom: Assuming that there are "jumps" in evolution (pun intended) that would allow the knees to evolve in a generation or two.
theAlphaJohn: exactly
theAlphaJohn: think how much more excited little girls would be at jumping ponies?
theAlphaJohn: then parents wouldn't need both a pony and a moon bounce
Short-timer Tom: Too f'ing funny. I can image the Saturday morning commercials for that one.
Short-timer Tom: My Little Jumping Pony. Only available at Wal-Mart.
theAlphaJohn: gross
theAlphaJohn: my ponies will be genetically engineered to rage against walmart
Short-timer Tom: Could it be that there will the maniacal, jumping, killer, robot ponies for the boys?
theAlphaJohn: oh!
theAlphaJohn: with armored head-mounted water cannons?
Short-timer Tom: Cool! I like that. Of course you have to have the remote control rocket launcher saddle attachment.
theAlphaJohn: can we breed them so the pony patties are toxic?
theAlphaJohn: and make them unkillable? and then make them zombies?
Short-timer Tom: Then they will take over the world! Great!
theAlphaJohn: "Unkillable Zombie Bouncing Fight-Ponies"
theAlphaJohn: The first rule of pony fight club? never talk about pony fight club
Short-timer Tom: Of course we will have to have the "Night of the Living Zombie Robot Ponies". The new movie that will scare the living daylights out of you.
theAlphaJohn: but it would be a reality show
theAlphaJohn: and some celebrity could host it
Short-timer Tom: Yes, that's the point. There really is no escape. Bwa ha ha ha!
theAlphaJohn: it would be on animal planet, and they'd go from city to city watching little boys have mock battles with their zombie fight-ponies
theAlphaJohn: like living anime it would be
Short-timer Tom: Hmmm. Kind of like Yugio but with real life zombie Pony-Pal ponies.
theAlphaJohn: trying to put together a breeding program for this will be hard
theAlphaJohn: but in five generations i want "painted vampie zombie fight ponies". they can drink the blood of neighbor children
Short-timer Tom: Of course we would want to cross bat genes into the breeding so that the vampire ponies can fly.
theAlphaJohn: maybe i can get the red cross to lend VC to the project if the ponies cut the RC in on their blood ... uh...consumption? donation?
theAlphaJohn: !!!
theAlphaJohn: don't be ridiculous tom
theAlphaJohn: flying vampire zombie bouncing fight ponies?
theAlphaJohn: that's too many adjectives
theAlphaJohn: i can't market that shit
Short-timer Tom: LOL.
Short-timer Tom: How about Vampire Zombie Bouncing Flight Ponies. Just change Fight to Flight and you are all set.
theAlphaJohn: i can't get the rich bitches of mclean to buy that up?
theAlphaJohn: maybe if we offer two lines
theAlphaJohn: for the girls: ponies who fly
theAlphaJohn: err for boys: ponies who fight
theAlphaJohn: but no teeth, only fangs
Short-timer Tom: We have to think long term here. There are going to be many pony lines. We have to keep our eye on the market to see what it is people really want. I mean, we can have the flying/fighting ponies for the kids, but maybe there is an adult line as well.
theAlphaJohn: we're dangerously close to katherine the great here tom
theAlphaJohn: maybe we should quit while we're ahead

I just wish I knew what problem we were trying to solve...?

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