Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A Message to my Blog-Reading, Dotted Line Boss Tom

Dear Tom,

How is it that every single time you've walked into my office in the past two days, iTunes was spinning "If I Get Locked Up Tonight" (featuring Eminem, Dr. Dre, Big Kap, and Funkmaster Flex)? In fact, as I'm typing this, you just walked by as Eminem coos at me:

Anyway I got down with Dre (What up?)
The first man who taught me how the glock sounded to spray
Running up and down the street screaming, "Fuck the Police"
when you still had your mother's fucking Nipple stuck in your teeth
(fucking baby) Became a role model after Colorado
Now all they do is follow me around and holla Bravo!

It's odd, because according to iTunes, I've listened to eleventeen-hundred songs in the past 36 hours. I'm starting to think that you've hacked my playlist because you're trying out some walking music. If that's the case, I always imagine "One Shot 2 Shot" playing when you roll by:

Believe me I'm leavin a carcus today
I'ma park my car and walk the rest of the way
I'm in the mood to strut, my AK ain't even tuck
I'ma meet you at the club we gon' fuck these hoes up

Assuming, of course, you change "AK" to "Oracle Discoverer" and "fuck these hoes up" with "hold the door for these darling young communications majors in their sorority sweatshirts".

With Big Ups,
The Alpha John

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